


Heatwave

by texting_fangirl



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alpha Erwin Smith, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bond Mates, Bonding, Comforting, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Fluff, Knotting, M/M, Mating, Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Levi/Erwin Smith, Multi, Omega Jean Kirstein, Omega Marco Bott, Omega Reader, Omega/Omega, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Reader-Insert, Relationship(s), Rutting, Scent Marking, Shyness, Slow Build, Slow Burn, dead Levi, erwin being a hunky alpha and trying his best to get reader-chan to accept him, erwin is a mess, reserved reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2018-12-01 18:17:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11491962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texting_fangirl/pseuds/texting_fangirl
Summary: Try so hard to get awayThink about you every dayTry so hard to live withoutBut no, no masSun shine is shining far awayBirds eyes just looking outAnd they can see that you’re, you’re mine//Then the overwhelming scent of pain hit him, an omega in pain, and he almost dropped to his knees to scurry closer and beg them to let him help.He fought the urge down but couldn't avert his eyes.He realized he must have stood staring for a while as the person's head lolled back, eyes closed, and they heaved out a sigh."Move on, Alpha. I don't need help."But the omega does. And Erwin is careful, patient, gentle, carrying her to the shelter nearby, leaves her in their care.What follows after was neither planned nor hoped for, but it is what Erwin needs. What both of them need.The only problem are the feelings that bloom in Erwin after a shared heat, feelings that the omega doesn't seem to share.Or maybe just doesn't want to commit to just yet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> '"And lo", the Lord said; "You shall not start another fanfiction ere thy unfinished one shall be completed first!";  
> and the fangirl rose her arms to the sky, be her head hanging low, for she knew;  
> she fucked up so hard on that.'  
> \- relatable totally accurate bible quote, 4:19

The days in the office were long and exhausting.  
More often than not, Erwin found himself too tired to move after arriving in his flat, too drained to even order food.  
It just wasn't...  
He couldn't...

Hanji had predicted this phase of apathy, he reminded himself again and again as he stared at the monitor in front of him, the letters and numbers swimming in front of his eyes and not forming coherent phrases his brain could understand.  
Hanji had also said it would pass.  
But that had been months ago and since then he'd buried himself in his office, avoided the field, hid behind paperwork and swallowed countless pills.  
And still there was a headache pounding behind his temples, worsening over the week, going back over the weekend, but never really subsiding.  
He hadn't talked to anyone about this, didn't feel like it, knew he should, but couldn't bring himself to it.  
His tired eyes got distracted by the calendar on his desk, eyebrows worrying. There was a large 29 circled, meaning it was the 29th today, a Thursday.  
The weather outside was bright, sunlight breaking through the clouds and with a subtle start he noticed lush green leafs on the treetops he could see from his chair.  
They had been red, orange and yellow just last week, hadn't they...?

He sighed and buried his face in his hands.  
Time seemed to go by different since...  
After last autumn, there were large chunks of memory missing, starting with...  
He couldn't...

He could smell his frustration pouring out of him, dulled by the suppressants, along with the sorrow.  
He opened a pack of strong mint chewing gum and chewed forcefully, flooding his senses and the room with cold peppermint.  
The clock over the door read 11 am.

The next time he spared it a glance was when the door below it opened after someone had knocked tentatively.  
"Come in." He said, voice distant.  
"Excuse me, Sir, I need you to sign these-"  
He needed a moment before he could point a name to the blond mop of hair and those sky-clear blue eyes.  
Then he interrupted the boy, hand vaguely pointing to a free space on his desk.  
"Sure Arlert, place them down somewhere on a free spot, I'll get around to it soon."

His gaze caught on the metal sign at the front of his desk and he felt a pang somewhere where his heart was supposed to be.  
"Sir."

He pried his eyes away from it and looked over to Armin, still standing in the same spot and clutching a piece of paper.  
To his confusion, the younger one had tears in his eyes and stifled a sob.  
Only then did he caught on the deep, watery scent of grief that escaped his pores once more.  
His hands reached for the gum all by themselves, and he managed an apologetic look towards Armin.  
To that the young Omega turned and fled the room, the paper he’d held carelessly shoved into the chest of a person that was just about to enter the still opened door.  
"Shit, Erwin." That someone exclaimed after taking a breath.

Erwin still stared at the spot Arlert had stood in and only slowly lifted his eyes to meet the new visitor one's.  
The name 'Mike' resurfaced from the depths of his memory.  
He cleared his throat.

"Mike." He addressed the blond, sitting more upright and sorting some notes on his keyboard. "How may-"  
"Shut it." The fellow alpha closed the door with a kick and went over to the windows, opening one and letting a fresh breeze into the stale, used air.  
After taking a few breaths of the clear, warm air, he sat down heavily opposite Erwin, waving the paper Arlert had passed him.  
"We need to talk. You need to talk."

Erwin shied away on the inside, averted the other one's eyes, so unlikely for one of his kind, and felt exhaustion wash over him.  
"About what." His fingers were busy thumbing through the stack of papers here and there.  
Mike's hand slapped the paper down on top of the other papers and unwantedly Erwin met the other's gaze.  
"You know damn well what about. The last six months you were drowning in sadness, hiding in this crap room instead of being out there, fighting for our cause, preventing history from repeating itself. It's where you belong, Erwin, for fuck's sake, not in here. That's not your place."  
The blond with the shaggy beard had pointed outside during his talk but lowered his hand again.  
"We all lost on that day. All of us. So many died because of some inconvenience we couldn't possibly have foreseen."  
Erwin found his voice, small and tender.  
"It was my fault they-"  
"Shut up. Shut up." Mike stood, hands placed on the table and bend over, gaze flaring marine blue and full of emotion. "We are all guilty, you hear me. Everyone. Because we underestimated them. All of us did. You just happened to be in charge of the assault, so what? Your advisors could have intervened, could have pointed out certain behavior, the SWAT-team could have voiced doubts before entering, it doesn't matter." He settled back down in his chair, closed his eyes and when he opened them they weren't shining anymore. "What matters is that we need you, Erwin. I do, Arlert does, the whole division does. Without you it's chaos out there. And you need it too. You need to be in charge of us, it's what you do."  
There was urgency behind his words, something he couldn't quite place. Desperation?  
It didn't suit his second in command.

"Please, Erwin." He was begging now, the mild aggression from before gone. "They're not leaving you a choice. Either you go talk to a therapist or they'll quit you. Remove you to a different team, if you're lucky. Think about it."  
That stirred something in him.  
"They can't quit me. They'd have to send a notice about it first." His brows furrowed and he looked at the bottom left corner of his computer screen.  
Mike sighed. "They did. Two times."

He pulled out two hastily opened envelopes from under a glass weight and casually tossed them in front of his friend.  
"Don't suppose you bothered to read 'em thoroughly, did you."  
With a lump in his throat Erwin picked one of the white envelopes up, noticing a red exclamation mark next to his name after turning it over.  
His fingers were stiff when he pulled the folded paper out.

' _Dear Mr. Smith,_  
Assuming you did not receive or did not get around to answering our first letter, we have to inform you again that it is required of you to visit a therapist or other, qualified professional to fully process the 54. Assault Mission.  
It has come to our notice that you did not do so yet, and we'll have to strongly advise you to take a session in the next two months. If you refrain from doing so we have no other choice than to deem you emotional unfit for your assigned work, thus...'

He stopped reading. After a heartbeat his eyes flew up to the numbers, dating almost two months back.  
"Thought you wouldn't want to quit." Mike said calmly, readjusting in his seat.  
Erwin lowered the paper.  
"What now? I have no idea where to find a therapist who has time to put up with me on this short notice..."  
Mike nodded. "I know. That's why I got Eren to pick out these."  
He reached into the pocket of his pants and retrieved a folded paper.  
On it were written four numbers and names, all accompanied by ranks and an address.  
"I'll leave those here and if you could fill out this form I'll hand it in to the supervisors for you and the world will continue to spin."

Erwin’s mind was sluggish in rising from the mostly dull thoughts that had clouded it over the past months, and he needed a moment longer to find the right boxes to tick and the line to sign on the paper Armin had come in with.  
After Mike had taken his leave Erwin rubbed his tired eyes and gave the names a long look.  
"Okay..."

It felt strangely good to have something real to do again, something where he had to pick up his phone and really think about what to say.  
The first number went straight to voicemail, and he didn't bother to leave his details there. He needed a therapist fast, and the thought of having to wait for someone to call him back was such an unpleasant thought he ditched it as soon as the automatic response sounded.  
The second one didn't have time before next month, and he was almost slipping back into the mindless, hopeless state he'd been in when he dialed the third number.  
After two rings someone picked up.

"Dr. Ral's office, this is Christa speaking, how may I help you?"  
"Uh, hello. My name's Erwin, and I wanted to ask if I could come by and have a test session, maybe?"  
Something in him cringed at the unplanned way the words fell from his lips. He was so used to speaking well-phrased sentences, he didn't understand why it wasn't working now.

"Hello Erwin. How soon do you plan on doing a session?" Her voice was pleasant, and he imagined an Omega with a gentle soul on the other line. He sighed.  
"As soon as possible. I kind of depend on it to keep my job."  
Silence from the other side, rustling of paper and a few clicks from a mouse.  
"How would you like the 15th of next month? It's a Tuesday."  
"No, I need it sooner. This month, actually."  
Christa gave a soft sigh that probably wasn't meant to be audible as she continued to search.  
"What was your last name again?" She then suddenly asked, voice not losing its soft touch.  
"Smith." He replied, nervously spinning a pen between his fingers, hoping she would be able to fit him in.  
"Smith..." She repeated, more to herself. "I'm sorry Erwin but I'll have to- Hold on a second, won't you?"  
He held his breath. The woman on the phone must have placed a hand over the micro, for he could only hear muffled voices.  
After a short exchange, Christa's clear voice returned.  
"Hello? You still there?"  
"Yes, still here."  
"Okay, Erwin, I just talked with Dr. Ral and there's a free spot tomorrow afternoon at 5 pm. Does that suit you?"  
His heart jumped and his voice was unmistakably relieved when he answered.  
"Yes! Yes, that's perfect. Thank you so much, Christa."  
"No problem." There was a smile behind her words. "You are familiar with our address?"  
"Yes, I have it."  
"Wonderful. We'll see you tomorrow then, Erwin. Have a nice day!"  
He returned the kind greeting and then hung up.

His eyes travelled over to the still opened window, and after a moment he got up to close it.  
The air outside smelled wonderful, promising, and he couldn't help but feel a bit of the dead weight on his shoulders to be lifted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to another Omegaverse Reader-Insert!  
> This time with Erwin.  
> Don't be shy with commenting, please :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I never took therapy sessions nor learned or did extensive research on how to give them, and based my writing on how Therapy in the broader sense is displayed on TV and in school books I happened to read in psychology class.  
> Therapy in this fanfiction is a plot device and as such constructed in a way that it benefits the story and is shaped like how I imagine it could be, most likely differing from what it's actually like.  
> Just wanted to have this said.

The next day Erwin left work early and walked the short distance to the address Jaeger had written below Dr. Ral’s name. The building wasn’t difficult to find; it was a larger apartment complex with a welcoming, but minimalistic entrance hall. A holographic glass sign next to the stairs and elevator listed the different companies’ offices and other occupants of the various floors.

The doors of the elevator opened with a small 'ding' and he was greeted with a bright wooden floor and white walls. The colour seemed soft and had a touch of vanilla.  
Plants dotted the hallway, and he looked at the name-tags on each of the flat white doors until his eyes caught the name "Ral" and corresponding title.  
He pressed the doorbell and waited.

Clicking steps approached the door, and a short woman with a reddish bun opened the door.  
"Hello. You must be Erwin." She flashed a smile, held out a hand and for a brief moment he wondered if she was the one he had talked to on the phone. Then he noticed an empty desk behind her and scratched the thought.  
"Dr. Ral, I presume? Thank you so much for making room for me." He shook her hand followed her inside. She closed the door behind him and he looked around.

Everything was colour-coordinated in pale brown, soft white and green.  
The whole apartment looked clean and calm, the layout of the room instantly lifting his spirits.  
He sniffed the air out of habit. The deserted table held a faint trace of omega, probably courtesy of Christa, and there was the scent of beta too, but none of it was strong enough to belong to the woman who had let him in and was now leading the way into a room in the back.  
He caught her perfume; a sweet, breezy fragrance, but there was nothing underneath it.  
With a faltering breath his mind came to the only possible solution.  
"Doctor-"  
"Please, call me Petra."  
"Petra, may I ask a... Personal question?"  
She turned around with a small smile on her face.  
"Does it have to do with my status?" He inclined his head, and she confirmed the thought he had had. “In that case, yes, I am an Untouchable.”  
Erwin was speechless.

Untouchable's were rare and usually found in other professions.  
They were unpresented adults, neither alpha, beta nor omega. They passed the time in which alpha's and omega's experienced their first heats and ruts, did not develop the pheromones or ability to scent like beta's did.  
They were far more efficient in calming down fights since they weren't affected by both positive and negative pheromones their brothers and sisters used - sometimes unconsciously - to intimidate the other, and usually favoured neutral positions such as judge's or journalists.  
They were almost always loners, wondering among the masses of presented folk, rarely mating with one of them or bonding.  
Erwin had never heard of an Untouchable working as a therapist, although he could see the potential behind it.

He caught himself staring at the short, feminine woman and looked away after she turned back and led him down a short hallway into the back of the flat.  
To change the subject he asked about Christa, seeing as the omega was nowhere around.

"Oh, the office is usually closed on Fridays. I have private sessions on Sunday's, so Fridays and Saturdays are our weekend. Please, take a seat. Would you like a tea? Cookie?"  
He declined the offers and sat down on one of the two sofas.

The room had the same bright wooden floor, but the wall opposite him was covered in a very detailed, breathtakingly beautiful photographic wallpaper depicting a forest. The walls with the windows and the door, both touching the forest-scene, were painted in a shade of green, while the wall behind him was off-white like the rest of the office.  
The second sofa was of a rich, chocolate brown and stood in front of the forest-wall.  
After another minute of shuffling, Petra sat down on it and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards.  
"So," She said, hands resting on top of a clipboard. "Why are we meeting here today?"

It took him some time to get used to talking to her, to accept he could speak freely here. After a while he noticed the woman didn’t show signs of submissions often, held his gaze and didn’t angle her head in a way that would present her throat.  
It wasn’t uncommon for an Untouchable to not display those signs, although most of them were taught to by their friends and family.  
After explaining how his job future depended on it, he noticed the first submissive gesture from Petra. It was minimal, and still, the alpha in him relaxed. The underlying sense of being challenged vanished.

To his approval Petra didn't speak up about any heavy topics and kept the conversation light, on the level of a nice chat with an old friend. Then again, he thought to himself, it wouldn’t be very wise to tackle problems during a test session.  
Basic small-talk questions were asked and he answered them, then dreams for the future, general opinion on his current job etcetera.  
All too soon there was a small 'dong' to be heard, like a gong had been hit in the next room and Petra looked at her watch.

"Well, that concludes it for this time, Erwin." She gave him another smile and closed her pen. "Should you decide to want to take up therapy here, you'll have to fill out this form, please. Do be honest, this way we can work better with each other."  
She offered him a light green paper and he accepted it.  
Before he signed, he paused and looked at the small box above the line.  
"Will this be-?" He glanced up to see her throwing a quick look at him.  
"Since you mentioned you are obliged to take therapy in order to keep your job, I will write an evaluation after a month and will hand it in to your employer. That should cover the costs, if you're worried about that."  
It wasn't exactly what he had wanted to know but decided to be satisfied with the answer.  
After signing, he asked: "When will our next session be?"  
Petra took the sheet back, scanned it and put it on her board.  
"Next week on Wednesday? Same time, if you're up for that?" He nodded and managed a smile.  
"Very well." The other concluded, placing down her clipboard and rising.  
She walked him to the door where he picked up his jacket and thanked her one more time before the pristine door closed behind him.

Once in the elevator he leaned against the polished metal side and stared into nothingness.  
He would take therapy, he told himself. He would get better.  
As the elevator reached ground level he texted Hanji the news.  
His friend answered shortly after, telling him how happy and proud she was of him.

For the first time he stopped at the small shop on the corner of his street and picked up toast, salad and a few other things before going home.  
That evening he ate a self-made sandwich, and as he slept in that night the frown was gone from his face.

 

* * *

 

 

The entire next week seemed to go by very slowly, and yet he found it to be Tuesday afternoon at some point.  
Hanji had dropped by earlier and left a box of cupcakes on his desk.  
The sweet delights were tingling on his tongue and Armin's eyes shone with appreciation as he offered the kid one.  
After that Eren had trailed in, asking for a cupcake as well with those big, green eyes, and with a small smile Erwin had pushed the box with the remaining two sweets in his direction.  
"Thank you, Sir!" Eren had exclaimed before taking off.  
Erwin leaned back in his chair and felt content resonate in him.  
In the next moment his eyes fell on the metal sign with his name on the other side, still perched atop his desk, proudly proclaiming its owner, and his eyes darkened again.  
He left the office with hanging shoulders not much later, and only after his first session with Petra did hi mood slightly increase.

 

The afternoons with Petra became a highlight to him even though he always left very exhausted.  
After some more hours of light talk and mere grazing the topic of why he was actually in need of therapy, she decided it was time to poke some issues while still avoiding the large cloud hanging over Erwin’s head whenever she made him talk about events in the past.  
She did it lightly, and Erwin appreciated it, but more than once he was glad the walls of her office were soundproof, as she had told him after their first session.  
The room with the pictured forest slowly became a safe haven for him, the neutral smell of Petra a welcome change, and he allowed himself to let go, eventually.

After four weeks Petra received his background in a folder, and she showed it to him once she got through it.  
"I'm afraid you'll have to tell me your history yourself, Erwin." Her voice was resigned, and as he opened the beige folder he knew why. Almost everything had been blacked out with marker.  
"I do have a question." She said after taking the file back, skipping to a page in the back. "Who is Levi Ackermann?"

He couldn't breathe.

The silence was incredibly loud in his ears, his nose picked up the dull smell of the leather underneath him, he couldn't think, his hands balled into fists and he only noticed he was crying when he blinked and his eyesight was blurred.  
He bend forward, took a shuddering breath and his mouth opened to scream, but no sound came out.  
His hands wove into his hair and pulled at it, he couldn't see, and for a long while he sat there, rocking back and forth, just crying, crying. The saltwater running from his eyes seemed to never end.

At some point a box of tissues had appeared next to him, and after more sobs he grabbed a handful of the paper tissues and wiped his face with them.  
He used up almost half the box before the heaving of his chest subsided and he swallowed thickly.  
"Here." Petra handed him a glass with water and watched him drink it. "Do you feel able to continue our session?"  
Her view was analyzing, precise. Too intelligent to have asked such a dull question by accident.  
"I." He had to clear his throat painfully loud before his voice was resembling his usual timbre again. "Yes."

It was a small, defeated word, and yet he didn't feel bad as he looked on the ground and saw it littered with paper.  
"Okay." Petra said calmly, carefully taking up her pen again. "Tell me about Levi."  
At the mention of his name Erwin had to bite back another sob, but her understanding gaze and small nod towards the tissues reassured him it was okay to cry again.  
Through tears and muffled sobs he described Levi to her, their first encounter, the witty and often times rude remarks, the fascinating dynamic in the small group Levi had had. Seeing him work his way up, seeing how he had become one of the most valued members of their Division.

After the gong signalling the end of their session had sounded, Petra left the room to prepare for her next client while giving him the space to collect himself before going off into the world again.  
On his way out Christa had handed him a piece of chocolate, answering his questioning view with a whispered: "Doctor's orders."  
A faint blush had tinted her cheeks as she smiled and winked at him before vanishing in the room he had just left to clean up.

The evening air had seldom tasted so sweet to Erwin like on that particular day, and his eyes hadn't stopped glossing over every time he had swallowed.  
But he knew it was good he had let it out.  
It felt like a dark cloud hanging overhead he had grown so used to he didn’t even recognize it anymore had finally been blown away, and sunlight was able to reach him again.  
It was good.


	3. Chapter 3

The following sessions weren't much easier and still took a lot of his energy, but to his surprise, Erwin found he had it in him.

The memories of the small omega hurt, and eventually Petra asked the question he had wrapped his mind around too often in the past months.

The end of summer neared, and Petra had opened a window and along with the warm scent of summer the buzzing of insects wafted into the room.  
"What was your relationship with Levi? Were you two bonded?"

Any other person would have evoked anger in the alpha for such a question, but the animal in his chest had accepted Petra as something more than a neutral. He trusted her, he knew she was in some ways more powerful than him, and when he came to her she controlled the atmosphere, the energy, and he was content in letting go of charge for a while.  
Freely submitted to her, even though she did not ask nor demanded it of him.  
It felt good to have someone else in charge of him.

Now Erwin shook his head, a hand coming up to rub over the soft skin on his neck. He noticed the gesture and balled his fingers, placed the fist on his leg and breathed deeply a few times.  
He had waited for her to ask this question.  
"No. We weren't." He finally admitted, eyes fixed on a darker spot on the brown sofa she sat on. "And I don't think... He'd never have let us bond, I think. He wasn't the type of guy for that."  
He felt her eyes, but they weren't burning into his skin.

"By that you mean he wasn't into males?"  
He shook his head and shifted on the couch, uneasily putting his arm on the rest beside him.

"The truth is, I don't know. He just... He never really showed any signs. He... He suppressed his heats, and when he had to go off the meds he always went to a refuge to sit it out. Never heard he mated with someone. I don't even know if I would have, with him. What we had... It was different. Special. There was no... chemistry between us, _we_ were too different."  
Petra kept quiet, inviting him to continue.  
"It was... Something else that formed a connection between us. Something deeper, I think. We had complete trust in each other."  
His voice got quieter and his eyes grew distant. It still tore at his heart to talk about his friend, but it wasn't as bad as before. Being able to express every emotion without fearing ridiculous consequences such as pitying looks, whispers or frowns had helped a lot.

"Did you love him?" She asked after a pause.  
His eyebrows rose as an exasperated sigh escaped his mouth.

"I think I did. Yes. I loved him. More than anything. But I wasn’t in love with him."  
His throat was thick but there were no tears threatening to spill.

Petra watched him, something playing behind the calm, collected face of hers.  
Then she cast her eyes down on the ever present clipboard and drew small circles on it.  
"He was here."

He looked up, surprised and slightly confused.  
"Your friend. He was a client of mine." Her expression was unreadable, and he felt taken aback.  
It wasn't a blow to the stomach, it wasn't an ice-cold shower, it was just...  
A surprise.  
He had known Levi had seen a therapist in the time following up to the incident, but he'd never...  
Suddenly a small puzzle piece fell into place.

"When I talked to Christa she said there was no free time... But then you overheard my name, didn't you? That's why you made room for me on your free day, isn't it? Because Le-" He stopped and swallowed. "Because Levi, talked about me."  
Petra angled her head, looking at a point below his height of view.  
"Partly. I would have made room for you with or without knowing your name."  
It meant a lot that she was being honest with him, but part of him wanted to know. Wanted to know what Levi had talked about.  
His pleading eyes went unnoticed, and he had to ask her.  
"What did you...?"  
Her smile was apologetic and he knew the answer before she gave it.  
"I'm sorry, but I took a vow to keep my silence. But let me tell you, he thought very good about you."  
The heavy meaning of what she didn't say, what could be, what he'd never know, lingered between them but he bowed his head.  
"Thank you." He whispered.

 

* * *

 

 

The leafs began to change colour to yellow and orange as he opened the door to his flat and was greeted by the scent of beta. He sighed.  
"Hanji, how often did I tell you to not pick my lock?"

A guilty giggle sounded from the kitchen before the head of said woman peeked out. "Sorry Big E. You never gave me a spare key, what should I do?"  
She came out and greeted him properly, and he slung an arm around her shoulder, shortly holding her close.

"Did you cook?" He wondered, sniffing the air.  
"Yes!" She shouted, excitedly pulling him along and he barely got his shoes off before she dragged him into the room filled with the scent of pasta.  
As crazy as she was in her lab, as good she could be in the kitchen.  
It was always a gamble with Hanji; most recipes her Dad had taught her turned out quite good while sometimes one would find a strange piece of food among the other stuff that was rather out of place, but to be fair, it never worsened the taste. On the downside, Erwin had witnessed on more than one occasion how his friend had almost burned the ceiling of his kitchen, made his microwave explode and ruined a good deal of cooking utensils on all other meals she had attempted to prepare.

Over his second, outstanding delicious, serving, Hanji clasped her hands together and watched him.  
He shot her a questioning look, and she grinned.  
"So nice to see you with a proper appetite again. You were all thin and lanky too long."

He huffed and looked into the noodles in front of him.  
It was true; he had laid weight off, but was slowly gaining it back.

"What did you do in therapy today?" She asked, eyeing the paint on his fingers.  
"Petra made me draw with finger paint." He shook his head and smiled.

As idiotic as it sounded now, it had been very relaxing and pleasant to play with the colours and let them mix while he left colourful tracks on the giant paper.  
He could say he felt better and he wouldn't have lied to himself.  
There was one thing that bugged his mind, though, and he set his fork down after finishing his plate.

His slight decrease in happiness didn’t slip his opposite, and her brows slightly furrowed over her glasses.  
"Petra says I maybe should go off the suppressants for a while. Experience a rut. ...Mate." He swallowed and looked at Hanji.  
She leaned back and had a somewhat smug expression on her face, but didn't say more than "So?"  
He fidgeted with the cutlery, unsure of himself.  
Ever since he had stopped ignoring, pushing away his feelings he felt more at ease, usually, but sometimes they poured out all too quickly.

"'So?'?" He repeated after her. "What do you think? Should I?"

He usually had suppressed for the maximum length one should; six months at a time. Twice a year he had gone into rut then, one time between the festivities of the Spirits and New Year, and then one time in the summer. That one he had usually spent in an alpha refuge, somewhere far away from the city in the woods, running miles and miles through the wilderness and living like an animal for a week.  
He hadn't done that for years now, had skipped the Winter rut last year and the Summer one before that.  
And even earlier than that, he hadn't left the city outside of work-related trips.  
Maybe it was time.  
But mate...?  
Hanji shifted on her chair, one leg propped up and arms circled around it.

"Well, if you think you can dig nature's call..." She trailed off, a glimmer in her eyes.  
"Are you making fun of my alpha nature?" He asked blatantly, staring into her eyes, half amused, half baffled.  
"Big E, I'd never." She tapped one of his hands with hers, a smile on her face before she got serious.  
"That woman seems to know what she's doing. Releasing tension is important. And, frankly, you have a lot built up my friend. When was the last time you went into rut? I'm positive you didn't get laid for _years_." Emphasis was on the last word.  
He sighed and rested his chin on his hand.

The hassle of rut was usually not worth it in his opinion, too much other stuff that occupied his mind and demanded full attention...  
But Chief Pixis had assured him if he wanted to he could take a long-needed holiday. Anytime he wanted to.  
Maybe it was really was time to shake things up a bit.  
Hanji's nose wrinkled as she picked up the change in his scent, and she snorted.  
"Look at you, all big and powerful, you alpha. What an animal."  
She chuckled and got up to transfer the empty plates into the dishwasher. Erwin quickly stood up as well, knowing how rough her treatment with anything else but lab equipment could get and fearing for his plates.

As they stood side by side, the woman casually remarked: "When are you moving out of this place anyway? It's not like, the best neighbourhood for anyone out there."  
She sneered at the window, referring to thugs and other scum loitering around shady corners and dark alleys.  
"You think I should move." Erwin grumblingly asked, but silently admitted she was right.  
"Yes you should." The brunette firmly stated, throwing another look down into the street two stories below them. "I can see at least three drug dealers and two omega hoes from here. And- Ouh nice! A cop in disguise! It's one of your buddies!" She lightly punched his arm and he glanced over her head.  
"I have no idea who you mean. Remember, that’s not my division..."  
She scoffed and rolled her eyes.  
"Duh. Anyway, wanna go house hunting?"  
With Hanji, there wasn't much of a choice, so once he had closed the dishwasher and got it running Erwin trailed after the peppy female.

 

* * *

 

 

Festivities rolled around and half of the Division helped him relocate to his new apartment.  
They were everywhere, carrying or labelling or filling boxes with his stuff, a lot of which he would get rid of as soon as he got it all to the new place.  
The flat was sunny, had a balcony on the south side and was located on the third and final story of a building in the outskirts of the city bordering the suburbs.  
The rooms were bright, some even had skylights, from the roughly coated walls to the used but good floor, and smelled fresh and clean.  
It was everything he could've wished for, and the rent was more than affordable.  
The thoughts about rut and mating had been distant from his mind for a while now.

He had gone off his suppressants shortly after Petra had brought it up but so far there had been no effects.  
He wasn't one of those alphas who went through the ordeal every month, and seeing how his body adjusted it would take some more time for him to get the final traces out of his system.  
He knew he could force his body to go into rut, he'd only have to visit a shelter and take a good long whiff of the omegas there, but part of him didn't want that. Didn’t want to force it.  
Petra had taught him to be patient with himself.

 

* * *

 

 

The weeks went by and he left the old flat for good.  
Many of the old furniture wouldn’t have been able to last through a move, so he just left them behind and settled with a lot of empty rooms and the promise to Hanji to go visit the big furniture store nearby after his next rut.  
His new balcony touched another one on one side, and after a few days he got to know his immediate neighbours.  
He had spent the previous Friday evening with Hanji, Mike and his spouse Nanaba baking cookies and had planned on taking some over on the next occasion; to greet his neighbours and hopefully make a positive first impression.

As he had come out on his balcony this morning, shivering slightly for the still fresh temperatures despite being wrapped in a dressing gown, he had see someone tending to the previously empty flower pots hanging on the handrail.  
After a friendly "Hello", his neighbour had answered, a freckled face appearing above the frosted glass partition, a polite smile on his face.

"I, uh, just wanted to introduce myself... I'm the guy who moved in here. My name's Erwin."  
The wind came from behind him so he couldn't smell what the male in front of him was.  
"Pleasure! My name's Marco." He smiled. Erwin lingered a moment longer and earned a questioning look of the kid before he remembered the plate with cookies waiting in the kitchen.  
"Oh, ah, before I forget... Hold on a second, alright?"

He turned and went back into his flat, retrieved the plate and handed it over.  
At the sight of the delicious smelling goods Marco's face lit up and he called out over his shoulder.  
"Hey Jean, come meet our new neighbour! He baked us cookies!"  
After turning to Erwin again the black-haired male said: "Thank you so much!"  
"Did you say something about cookies, Marco?" Came another voice from the other side, and then a small exclaim of pleasure as Marco held out the plate to the other one.  
There was a crunching sound and then another head appeared next to Marco's.  
"You're the new guy?"

Jean's voice was somewhat reserved but laced with friendliness. Hanji had been right; cookies were a foolproof way into anyone's heart.  
"Yeah, my name is Erwin."

He noticed how neither of them had extended a hand towards him and found it odd until a thought occurred to him.  
This thought got confirmed when the wind turned and blew the scent of omega in Erwin's direction, strong, mixed, more intertwined than just friends' would be.  
The boys were queers. A small smile wound itself on Erwin's face.  
"I'm a supporter of the movement." He said matter of fact, and he saw the visible relief on his neighbours faces.  
"Thank the Heavens." He heard Jean grunt before the blond wiped his hand and extended it over the glass.

They continued to chat for a while longer and got more and more relaxed the more he told them about himself.  
Jean seemed very protective of his boyfriend and suppressed a snarl more than once but Erwin made sure to keep his alpha in check.  
He liked the guys and didn't want to scare them off unnecessarily.  
They thanked him for the cookies once more and promised to repay him eventually before they got down from their chairs on the other side and Erwin leaned on the handrail and looked over his new neighbourhood.  
The sour smell of alpha and cheap alcohol was nonexistent here; everything was a lot cleaner and greener, smelled fresher, pure.  
A low, happy sound came from his chest and for the first time in a year he didn't drag himself down with thinking about the small, black-haired omega.

 

* * *

 

 

The sessions with Petra became lighter, and he began to whole-heartedly enjoy them.  
He discussed his lack of ruts with her after another month without one had passed, and they agreed his body had either still not gotten rid of the suppressants or he was simply not up for it.  
The close proximity of the omegan couple next doors should have triggered at least a more prominent change in pheromones, but since that wasn't the case, Erwin leaned back and was glad he would definitely not end up like a mindless, instinct-driven idiot trying to hump every omega in sight.  
The following sessions they didn't talk about it anymore and it drifted back to the back of his head.

 

* * *

 

 

One Wednesday afternoon he left the office with a brisk step, soul pleased and a smile on his face.  
Christa would be on heat-leave the next week and he had brought cupcakes for her and her alpha. The small omega had thanked him with tears in her big blue eyes.

He left the apartment complex and turned towards the bus-station a few corners down.  
The wind was light and warm and smelled fresh, delightfully sweet and a bit like mint.  
He revelled in that smell until the stop came into sight and the scent became richer, darker.  
He only noticed it was coming from a someone after he had absently passed the stop and continued walking, looking left and right into alleys, curious as to where it originated and eventually spotted a small, slumped over body.  
The hairs on the back of his head lifted.

They sat with their back propped against a house's wall, head hung low and arms protectively wrapped around their stomach, the hood of their pullover hiding their face.  
Then the overwhelming scent of pain hit him, an omega in pain, and he almost dropped to his knees to scurry closer and beg them to let him help.  
He fought the urge down but couldn't avert his eyes.  
He realized he must have stood staring for a while as the person's head lolled back, eyes closed, and they heaved out a sigh.  
"Move on, Alpha. I don't need help."

The hair was a beautiful mess framing delicate features, but the voice that talked was strained from pain.  
He couldn't move.  
"Do you live nearby? Should I contact someone to pick you up?" There was nothing but sincere concern in his voice and it seemed to mildly surprise the small female.  
She turned her head into his direction but didn't open her eyes fully. Through the narrow slits he saw her looking at him, and there was light burning behind those heavy lids.  
Something clawed at his soul and he tentatively took a step closer, angling his body and presented his throat, everything to not appear as a threat and scare her.  
He noticed she leaned away from him and froze.  
Her face contorted in pain from the small action, and she huffed out short, ragged breaths.

Erwin waited, and every moment he watched her suffer he had to fight more to respect the omega's wishes of not being approached.  
She turned her head into the other direction, and he smelled the soft touch of submission before she spoke.  
"The shelter. Two roads down. Thought I could make it. Out of meds."  
Every sentence seemed to take a lot of strength to be spoken.  
"Allow me to help you. Please. I mean no harm."

By now she must've smelled he wasn't in rut, hadn't she?  
The female lowered her head before nodding once.

"Shelter." She repeated, and he gave a soft sound of affirmation before he closed the distance between them and reached out to her.  
She lifted her arms like a small pup and he gently lifted her up.  
Almost instantly she fell sideways, and if the alpha in him hadn't reacted incredibly fast she would have tumbled down.  
His arm held her close while he waited for her to calm, ready herself for walking.  
He could've easily picked her up but refrained from doing so; her previous actions telling him she wouldn't appreciate it.  
Her body was so much smaller than his, he realized, so fragile under his hands and he felt clumsy and too large as she leaned heavily on him.  
"Are you okay?" _Should I carry you?_

She nodded into his shirt and took a deep breath.  
He wanted to take a step back to give her some room but found her hands gripping the fabric of his shirt too tight to be able to do so. After another few heartbeats he came to a decision.  
"My apologies." He mumbled before bending down and picking her up.  
Her sounds of protest got replaced with a moan as the movement caused her more pain.

Erwin felt her heartbeat against his chest, fast and shallow like a bird's, but as he held her closer and she nuzzled into his form it slowed down.  
The warmth of his body seemed to have positive effects on her; he felt her relax and the dull scent of pain ebbed away.  
As it thinned out, he began to smell something else, something that explained her defensive attitude, something that made his alpha raise its head and taste the air.  
The first signs of heat left the omega's body in waves, and he had to focus on the street ahead to not get lost in it.  
He felt his eyes lighten up gradually, and willed it down.

He blamed the close proximity of her on the almost intoxicating effect her pre-heat pheromones had on him. He had to distract her from her suffering, and himself from her to keep his composure.  
"Talk to me." He whispered, watching her slack face and sweat on her brow. "Can you talk? What's your name? I'm Erwin."  
Her brows scrunched up as she breathed in through chapped lips.  
"______." She mumbled, pressing her face into his chest.  
"Why were you in that street, ______? You said something about meds?"  
She nodded and a few short breaths later she answered.

"Out of painkillers. Thought I could make it to the shelter in time. Suppressed for too long, forced to take break, need the pain... killers. Didn’t want to mate. ‘specially not outside the shelter by m’self."  
He saw her eyes fly open after her last sentence, staring into the fabric of his shirt as she seemed to realize what she had just said.  
Fear clouded her body and her limbs grew stiff.  
"Relax, please." He stroked her shoulder with his free hand, sensing her discomfort. "I won't harm you. I promise."  
She wasn't exactly in a position to argue, but he was relieved when he felt her relax back into his arms.  
The shelter came in sight at the end of the road.  
"We're almost there." He told her. "Do you go there often? Do they know you?"

She nodded and clung into his shirt as another wave of pain washed over her, mixed with the scent of approaching heat.  
He caught movement out of the corner of his eyes, and when he pried his view from her face he saw a male leaving a group and taking steps towards them. His eyes glowed and his mouth had a hungry twist.  
The beta sniffed the air before taking another step.

"Sweet little omega you got here." He called out.

At the sound of the other male's voice ______ cramped in his arms and fear as well as disgust tinted her scent.  
Erwin felt light reflecting in his eyes, and this time he did nothing to stop it. Blue shone against dull yellow, and he bared his teeth ever so slightly before he calmly said: "Back off. She's not yours to have."  
A low growl followed his words as the other one dared to linger for a second longer before presenting his throat and retreating.  
A soft whine came from the omega in his arms and his shining gaze moved back down.  
"We're almost there." He whispered and continued his walk over to the next crossing, the brightly lit automatic doors of the shelter in clear sight on the other side of the road.

His shoulders lost some of their tension as soon as he heard the mechanic hum of the doors closing behind him.  
Three other pairs of eyes had lit up as he had passed, and every pair had met ice blue and backed down.  
Power radiated from his form, and he only fought it down after the present betas behind their counters looked at him alarmed.  
There was reinforced plastic glass between them but the holes left for speaking let his scent through and they surely must have seen his glowing eyes.  
He looked up from the bundle of lose clothes in his hands, and the cold shine of his eyes flickered and died as he cradled her closer.  
"We need help. Please."

At his calm, pleading words the closest beta approached the barrier and took a look at the omega in his arms.  
"What's the matter? Can she speak?"  
Helpless as to what exactly was wrong he looked down and gently nudged her.  
"______? ______, we're here, they want to know what's wrong."  
She groaned.

"Pain. Belly. Suppressed for too long." She brought out, before she wheezed and went silent again.  
"______, was her name you said?" The elderly woman asked, waving to one of her colleagues. "Alright, we know how to help her. Please allow one of our staff members to take her."  
He blinked a few times before he recognized what she had said.  
His defensive posture, arms holding her close, protecting her...  
Two betas came out from behind the counter and carefully approached.  
Erwin had to bite back a growl as they extended their hands, eyes averted and heads tilted to their sides.  
"We want to help, Alpha." One said, her deep brown eyes connecting for the fragment of a second with his.  
There was no fear in them, only understanding.  
He looked down on ______ one last time.  
"I'll set you down now, okay?"  
He bend down and gently placed her feet on the linoleum floor. She managed to stay upright, swaying a bit from left to right with arms helping her to balance.  
And then he withdrew his hands and took a step back, allowing the betas to come near her, touch her, half carry her.  
Before the transparent door closed behind them she looked back.

And Erwin Smith forgot his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey look, that's where you come into the picture!  
> Was about time after two chapters, huh.


	4. Chapter 4

There was the pure fire of an omega burning inside those eyes; deep, swirling crimson and violet, wild, untamed and yet gentle, begging for protection and at the same time daring everyone to step too close. Speaking of violence and promising bloodshed should anyone disturb her, yet loving, adoring, the softest of looks only meant for pups.

He was frozen in place, forced to stay behind and could only watch while she got transported out of his sight and reach. The animal in his chest howled, ran rampant against mental restrictions build in years, to break free and run after this omega. He felt a sharp pang in his chest, like the string of a harp had been strum too hard and ripped, and could only start breathing again after the trio had rounded a corner and those eyes gave him free.

He managed to stumble backwards, look for a chair and slumped down in one of the small leather ones the Shelters had in their foyers. Completely drained of energy he remained seated there, staring into nothing.

The voice of an employee ripped him out of the mindless state he was in.

"Excuse me, Mister? Mister?"

Irritated, he looked up. It was the elderly beta from earlier.

"Hello there. If you don't mind, we'd like to collect your info. It doesn't happen too often that an alpha carries an omega in here out of spite, and I'm sure she'll want to thank you later on. It'd make contact easier... If you want that." Her small moment of pure excitement got covered with the submissive last addition to her question along with still very careful body language.

It wasn't entirely new to him for others to treat him with such obvious respect, but in a place like this and in the boneless state he was in it seemed wrong, somehow. He was powerless here.

He shook his head and blinked a few times. Then he saw the slightly disappointed look on the beta's face.

"No no! I'd love to, don't worry. Where should I-?" She handed him a clipboard, not much different than Petra's, and a pen, before taking a step back. The overly submissive behaviour irritated him.

He jotted down his basic information along with his place of work and current address before handing the form back. The beta smiled.

"Thank you very much. You're free to go now, Mr.-" She glanced at the paper. "Mr. Smith."

He fidgeted with his jacket and got up, towering over the shorter woman. He wanted to stay, wanted to get another look at the omega, wanted to know more about her, wanted to make sure she was safe and yet he knew there wasn't a much safer place for her than here.

_Except by your side, mated and bonded and yours_ , whispered a small voice. "I... Yes. I will go." He said, giving the corner she had vanished around one last, longing look before exiting the entrance hall.

As he stepped outside he had no idea where he was.

After a short moment contemplating whether or not to trace his way back to the bus stop he got out his phone and texted Hanji. She answered a few moments later, with the usual, unhealthy amounts of emoji depicting various emotions she was most likely experiencing all at once. She agreed to pick him up and told him to sit tight until she arrived.

He paced up and down the sidewalk and knew his eyes were flickering with light but could do little about it. Eventually Hanji's Mini raced around the corner and came to a harsh stop in front of him. The hour hadn't been early when he had left Petra's office, and nightfall was upon them. Hanji audibly sniffed when he sat down in the car.

"Smells like omega. You smell like omega. Why d'you smell like omega? I mean... You're positively covered in it."

He fastened his seat belt and looked down on his hands.

"I found an omega and brought her to the shelter." He said, feeling strangely proud of it. There was a sympathic smile blooming on Hanji's face, not the more lunatic one she usually wore when delighted.

"You gotta tell me. Everything. And that includes how you got lost twenty minutes from your therapist’s office." She gave him a last, long look before starting the engine and drove off into the direction of Erwin's flat.

 

"Won't Moblit be upset if you don't come back home?" The alpha wondered as she pulled into the garage attached to the apartments. Hanji waved it off.

"He is always upset, Erwin. Don't worry about him, you're more important now."

By chance they stumbled upon Jean and Marco in the stairwell, both carrying race bicycles and looking flustered.

"Hi, Erwin." Marco smiled, wiping his forehead before shouldering his bike and went to climb the stairs.

"Hello Marco. Jean." The other blond nodded shortly and watched his mate rising higher. He sniffed the air as Erwin and Hanji stepped closer and his eyes blinked up in deep violet. He tilted his head, questioning, but Erwin shook his head. Jean nodded, lowered his eyes and went after Marco who called out to him from a floor higher since he didn't have the keys. The amount of acceptance from his omegan neighbour was almost painful in Erwin's chest, and the passion in Jean's eyes reminded him so much of the fire he had seen blazing her ______'s eyes.

"Stop that." His view darted around the staircase until he met Hanji's glass-protected ones.

"What?"

"-That." She vaguely gestured up and down his body and grinned. "You're getting all protective and big and alpha-y."

He shook his head in resign and swung his jacket over his shoulder before going up the rest of the flight to his door.

Hanji dumped the Chinese takeout food on two plates and carried them over into the living room after generously applying tabasco sauce to her serving.

"So." She grinned, and he saw the craziness trickling in. He carefully took up a fork with noodles and chewed them, avoiding Hanji's eyes. For some reason he felt mildly embarrassed.

"C'mon big boy, spill the beans! You wouldn't talk in the car, talk now!" She poked his side and he glanced at her, feeling his eyes flare up blue for the fragment of a second. She chuckled. He placed the food on the makeshift coffee table - two cardboard boxes with a piece of wood lying on top of them - and sighed.

"I left Petra's office and when I came to the bus stop I just - I kept walking because there was this scent..." He covered his face in his hands. "And then I found her. Sitting in that alley. She was in so much pain."

He shook his head, still hiding in his hands, and felt his shoulders tense. The small clinking of metal and ceramic stopped and silence filled the room. He peeked between his fingers to where Hanji sat next to him. The female watched him, head slightly tilted and a neutral expression on her face. The food sat momentarily forgotten on her lap.

"You followed her scent?" He nodded and lowered his hands. "I didn't even know it was hers until I passed the stop and kept walking... I don't- I want to make sure she's okay."

The last sentence had been blurted out and he was mildly shocked he had just said that out loud. But now, that the barrier was broken, he felt it easier to talk and he didn't hold back in telling his friend everything that had happened in the short, glorious, fulfilling time he'd been carrying ______ and then handed her over to the staff of the shelter. By the time he was done with the surprisingly long telling of the rather short actual events Hanji had almost finished her serving and had placed the rest on the table as well, listening intently and with a finger on her lips.

“She was approaching heat? And no other alpha had gotten to her yet?” Erwin shook his head, her eyes never leaving his mind.

“The scent of pain covered it... She had this fire... in her eyes... Like they were burning from the inside. In a-“ _wonderful, intriguing, intense_. “-really reddish purple colour.” The eyebrows of the person next to him rose.

“What? Then it must’ve been a really long time they suppressed their heats...” The thoughtful expression turned smug. “That’s a sign, Big E. You should go after her, check up on her.”

He sighed and flexed his neck, being uncomfortable by the thought. “I don’t know... Maybe after...”

Hanji huffed out a breath and her eyebrows returned to usual level. “But you have to promise me if you get into rut that you’ll be taking time off work and go find that precious omega. Right?”

He looked at her with tired eyes, but gently smiled. “Yes Hanji Zoe, I promise.”

 

His head was heavy in a way it hadn’t been for a long while, and it reminded him of the day on which Mike had urged him to call Petra. His hand hovered above the painkillers inside the mirrored cupboard above the sink, but then he lowered his fingers. It was late already, he was probably simply not used to staying up and out that long anymore, paired with the exciting events from the late afternoon...

He closed the door and went to bed, consisting of a mattress and palettes Eren had given him. The intern had called them a ‘valuable and very well fitting addition’ to his flat, while the word ‘edgy’ may or may not have fallen as well.

Erwin fell asleep almost as soon as his face hit his pillow.

He awoke multiple times that night, always with his heart beating fast and the imprints of hazardous purple eyes watching him, forgetting about the dream he had had after waking up. A new, cold corner of his pillow was found and he dozed off again, but around four in the morning his blanket got too heavy, too hot, and he kicked it away. The last hour before his alarm rung he was laying on his back, an arm draped over his eyes, stretched over the whole of his bed and listening to the sounds of the birds awakening outside with a layer of sweat collecting on his brow.

 

* * *

 

 

Something was up, he thought to himself after finally entering work on Friday.

There had been traffic jams on the streets and delays on the tracks, the carts had been stuffed and the weather was unusually warm and moist since Wednesday night, especially for this time of the year. Sure, summer was knocking at spring’s door by now, and firmly, but still. It was so hot already that deep grey clouds promised a thunderstorm in the evening. And they said climate change wasn’t real.

He loosened the tie around his neck, having rolled up the sleeves of his shirt already and fanned himself some air with a stack of notes as he sat down behind his desk and booted up the computer.

Erwin felt his concentration jumping from this to that the whole morning, from the keyboard in front of him to the neatly stacked papers to the left and right, out the window and to the clock above the door. He was half-way through the second report someone had left him to look at and sign when Eren passed by the still open door. Everyone had left their windows and doors wide open, hoping to catch a breeze that lightened the tense atmosphere, and the whole morning he had picked up bits of conversations and voices drifting through his door. It had been pleasant background noise.

The green-eyed intern stopped and shyly knocked on Erwin’s door.

“Morning, Sir. Mind if I come in?”

Erwin glanced at him and made a vague hand gesture, indicating the younger one could make himself at home. The brunette stepped closer to the window and stared outside. Not a single hair of his was moving as the air stood still.

“Is there a particular reason you’re here, Jaeger?” Erwin asked after he had finished the folder and signed it off. The direct question seemed to startle the usually smart boy, and he took a minute to compose himself before speaking up.

“Actually, yeah... You remember I have an adoptive little sister?”

Erwin mentally rifled through the data he knew about the intern of almost two years now. “-Mikasa, wasn’t it?”

Eren’s green eyes got a hue of purple as joy flared up in the boy, and Erwin felt humble to have remembered something like that. “Yeah! Well, she... she’s badass, for a 12 year old, but... She’s still afraid of thunderstorms, after her parents died after their house crashed above them after a tree fell on it that had been hit by lightning, and, if it’s not too much trouble, might I have the rest of the day off? My parents are both on a Doctor’s volunteer mission, and I’d like to be there for her when she gets out of school.” A soft note of passion came off of the omega. It warmed Erwin’s heart to see the love in Eren’s eyes for his younger sister.

“Sure.” He smiled, and placed the finished folder in the corresponding compartment.

“Thank you, Sir! I’ll see you tomorrow Sir!” With that the younger omega was out of the door, completely oblivious that tomorrow would be a Saturday, only leaving behind a faint trace of his scent. The usually bearable smell tickled Erwin’s nose, and he had to suppress a sneeze. Weird.

Not too soon later Armin dropped by, also taking a long look out of Erwin’s window. After the slightly amused question as to what he was doing there and what he came here for, the blond shrugged embarrassed and quietly shuffled out of the room.

Around noon Hanji, Moblit and their intern Connie came up from the morgue. At the same time Sasha, a girl working in the cafeteria a story higher, dropped by to deliver the food Erwin had ordered and the alpha summarily invited her to stay with them after seeing how happy Connie seemed to be she was around. After Erwin had looked out of his door and Mike, Nanaba and Armin had trailed in, he closed it and they sat down to split their lunch. They shared the food they each had brought and sat together for a while longer, nobody really wanting to go back to work in the dense air and after relaxing in the company of the others. Hanji sighed dramatically and stretched back over her chair, tickling Mike’s beard doing so. Nanaba wrinkled her nose, and Hanji stopped.

“What is up with this weather?” Sasha asked, glancing out of the window as she finished the left-overs.

“Some unusual warm winds from the south. Supposed to stay like this the whole week-end.” Connie mumbled, arms crossed over his chest and eyes half-closed. His feet rested on a corner of Sasha’s chair and he was comfortably seated. The tense atmosphere was bearable in their small group.

The sense of pack welled up in Erwin’s chest, warm, glowing and strong, and he smiled to himself as he leaned his head back against his chair and closed his eyes.

 

When someone knocked on the closed door they were all ripped from their somewhat distant thoughts, all displaying various shades of surprise. Hanji had actually dozed off and looked confused as she lifted her head from Moblit’s shoulder, Sasha looked half hopeful to get more food and Mike cleared his throat before opening the door. It was a lower ranking officer, wanting to know if Erwin was already finished with his report, and after the disturbance the calm mood had dissolved. One after one they all trickled out of his office, until Connie had to drag Sasha out and closed the door behind them with a slightly apologetic look.

Time was syrup, and it ever so slowly crept forward until the clock above his door read something around four. He threw his pen away and stood up, stretched and popped a few bones in his spine before reaching for his bag. The whole last two hours he’d been bouncing his leg, completely untypical for him, to work off some of the buzzing energy inside him, and now the prospect of leaving seemed like the best thing ever. His jacket had been left at home, since the warm air had already greeted him when he had opened his bathroom window after showering that morning. He dropped by Hanji in the morgue in the basement on his way out, and found her and her team all bored since there had been no murders or other deaths today. Their eyes were blank and tired as they wished him good-bye.

The world outside was a greenhouse. The clouds hung so low the tops of the buildings got swallowed in them, everyone was wet despite there being no rain, and clothes were as sparse as possible. Already Erwin could feel and smell himself starting to sweat, and the rich, dominant scent emitting from his shirt annoyed him. The crowd parted for him as he slowly walked in the direction of the train station, hands in his pockets and breathing the sated air.

The city was a firework of smells today, both from people and foods offered. Everything seemed lush in the dim, diffuse, slightly yellow air, and more than once Erwin stepped around alpha’s who had picked fights, suppressing the deeply rooted wish to join the quarrel just to throw some punches. He felt restless and passed the station, deciding to walk home despite knowing it was a long way and that it would probably take up his whole afternoon. The thought of being in his flat, alone, with this weather, with nothing to do, seemed worse. Erwin roughly knew where to go since he used to ride a bike to work, so he didn’t particularly pay attention to where exactly he was going and admired the graffitis on the house’s walls. His clothes grew hotter and more uncomfortable by the minute, the cotton chafing against his skin, but he refused to take them off even though he knew he could have gotten rid of his shirt and pants while leaving the underwear on and be totally fine with it. He had seen people with less on already.

The air began to smell metallic and sweet, and a few deep breaths later he felt a drop of sweat run down his neck. The bustle of the city died down; birds, sparsely singing before, stopped completely and people were quietly chatting away. There was pressure on his lower regions, and after a quick look around he spotted a discreet, green cabin nearby.

As he unzipped his pants he was greeted with a very eager piece of meat, and he stared down on it in confusion.

“What... do you want.” He softly asked. A tingling sensation in his balls sent a shudder up his spine, and he took a sharp breath before he bit his lip and shook his head. “No peeing then.”

He wasn’t particularly horny and had no explanation for the sudden boner, but blamed the nearing thunderstorm and general weird mood he’d been in. Just this morning he had been very sensitive while drying himself after the shower, the friction of the towel on his skin enough to send goose bumps over his body and a twitch into the area between his legs, and he had to lean back against the tiled wall for a whole two minutes before the peaking excitement had died down again, leaving him wanting and needing.

He stuffed everything back inside and closed his pants, rearranged some things to make them less noticeable before stepping out and looking around. For a second he felt lost.

A rain drop hit his head, another his foot. When he looked up he saw the grey clouds were a yellowish green, and before he could blink a second time rain began to drizzle down. It was gentle, warm summer rain, and he closed his eyes and smiled. Water coated his face and seeped into his clothes, but he felt calm and nice and warm and so good. His feet carried him forward, through the streets that were filled with people in bikini tops and swimming shorts, with umbrellas and open hair. A bolt of lightning erupted above him and thunder cracked. It was so loud it rang in his ears, and Erwin slightly jumped. Another bright light flickered over the sky, and after a few seconds thunder boomed. The deep happiness got a dent as he realized he should probably better get inside, and just after he came to that conclusion the real downpour began.

Heavy, cold drops the size of hazelnuts came down, and within minutes the street was deserted and he alone. He looked around; the buildings seemed unfamiliar, the street name strange. Another thunder cracked, and without thinking further he sprinted forward. A vaguely familiar shape came into sight, and to his surprise he recognized the front of the omega shelter he had brought ______ to. The automatic doors slid open, welcoming him in, and he came to a stop inside. Slightly out of breath, he registered several other people had had the same idea as him, fleeing the rain and were now seated in the small leather chairs along the window front. Some smelled like alpha, some beta. Only one mated omega was among them. The same elderly Beta that had greeted him the first time here looked up from her counter and lowered the phone in her hand as a small smile spread on her face.

“Hello, Mr. Smith! I was just about to call you... There are news about ______.” The sinking feeling in his chest must have displayed as pure shock on his features, and the beta chuckled.

“Oh no, nothing bad. In fact, she’s much better, thanks to you helping her to get here.” The gentle expression on her face threaded with worry. “That is, she was, but after a day the meds began to wear off, and by now she’s at her limit of the approved dosage. Another dose and we might have to call an ambulance. Of course, mating with an alpha would help, but so far she refused everyone we send in to see her. I thought, since your presence seemed to have positive effects on her, maybe she’d be okay with you so I decided to give you a call, but it seems like that was unnecessary.” She smiled up at Erwin and every attempt at explaining he was just here to seek shelter from the rain evaporated.

“I’d... love to help.” He said quietly, suddenly out of breath again. The animal in his chest lifted its head, and a deeply pleased feeling rolled through him. _Refused every other alpha so far?_

The beta nodded and handed him a sheet. As he glanced over it, she explained its use.

“This is our visitor entrance application. Everyone who enters the shelter without the need of immediate care taking has to fill it out, stating that they take full responsibility for their actions inside these walls and giving us the permission to use tranquilizers and other forms of restraints if need be.” He ticked the boxes off and left his signature on the line at the bottom, slid it back below the partition and waited.

“For the chance that you might sexually engage with ______, I’m obligated to offer you this.” She put the signed sheet away and pulled out a sterile packed pill. It had a considerable size. Erwin eyed it suspiciously, somewhat restless now, that the omega that had vanished into the depths of this building from him had come into his reach again. “This pill reduces the risk of impregnation. Of course, since she’s not in a fertile heat the chances are close to zero, but most people take it additionally anyway. It has temporary paralysing effects on your sperm over the course of a week.” He absently nodded, and the beta slid him the pill and pointed to a bottle of water and disposable plastic cups near the seating area. After the pill had gone down his throat and he returned to the counter, an almost invisible transparent door to the side buzzed open. Golden pairs of eyes watched him warily as he stepped in, and the beta, whose name-tag read ‘Mrs. Sina’, and him got joined by a lanky guy on their way down a corridor. He wasn’t taller than Erwin, and didn’t look more muscled, but the self-confident posture spoke of an uneasy opponent. The guard didn’t smell like anything except disinfectant and various omegas, but after a long look Erwin spotted a tight necklace around the guy’s throat and let the thought of having encountered another Untouchable slide.

Mrs. Sina lead him down another hallway, and he felt excitement rising. There was a glass elevator leading up into higher stories, and the trio entered it. Mrs. Sina pressed a button and it ascended. Every corridor looked the same to Erwin, only the doors changed colour, red on one side, blue on the other... Mrs. Sina explained the safe-rooms for omegas, and he was listening, but his brain seemed to be made of holes and he couldn't keep the given information for long. His nose had picked up a sweet, spicy note. He unintentionally quickened his pace but slowed down before the guard could hold him back. His senses were tingling; He knew she had to be here somewhere.

Mrs. Sina stopped in front of a blue door and turned towards him.

“Remember.” She said, voice stern. “The omega has full control here. If she doesn’t want anything that you want, she has the option of activating a silent alarm and we’ll flood the room with sleeping gas and extract you from it. Should anything severely against her will or our guidelines happen we will call the police, file a complaint and keep you restrained until they pick you up.” He blinked a few times and fought the light from his eyes.

“I understand.” He dipped his head down and tilted it, submitting to the rules the beta had mentioned. She checked her watch and nodded, opening the lock of the door with a key card and shimmied out between him and the door. Her steps faded down the hallway, but the guard with swept back dark hair took position on the opposite site of the door.

Erwin felt his fingers tremble as he reached for the doorknob, and the sweat on his hands made it difficult to really grab it, but then he had it and it turned and he opened the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Darkness greeted him, only broken by a dim, yellow light above. Pots hung from the ceiling and plants grew from them, hiding the light colour of wood above. A strong, earthen scent came from rich soil. The floor was covered in a thick, rubber-like material, and further into the back he could make out a pile of blankets and pillows. The overwhelming scent of omega in heat assaulted him and he felt dizzy.

His eyes had to grow accustomed to the dark light after he closed the door behind him. Erwin took deep breaths, inhaling as much of her smell as possible. Two slits of purple opened amidst the thin outline of pillows and sheets and caught him.

Erwin’s legs froze and he slid his back down the door, keeping a safe distance to those hazardously alluring eyes.

“Hello. It’s me, Erwin. Remember me?” His voice was small, raspy, and suddenly the fear she might reject him clawed at his heart. The woman at the front had said she had sent everyone away, what if he was no different...?

The slits closed and a low grumble sounded. A wave of pheromones hit his nose, lush, sweetened by an open window somewhere behind closed blinds.

Erwin pushed his bag aside and pulled off his tie, his fingers beginning to unbutton the wet, sticky shirt by themselves.

An almost painful spark shot down his spine and placed heat between his legs, and a soft blue shimmer danced across the ground.

He somehow managed to lose his shoes, socks and pants before he could stand up again and walked, bend down, in the direction of the female. His toes met with silken sheets.

Shining eyes searched for her as he dropped to his knees, for the body among the fabric, it had to be here, he knew.

Her scent filled his nose and he couldn’t smell anything else.

 

He felt the wolf in himself, strong and watchful, felt the animal side in him rising, felt the light in his eyes.

Got almost lost in the delicious air surrounding him.

A hand wrapped around his wrist and he breathed in. It was a sharp, ragged breath, but the touch grounded him in reality and the animal in him was pushed back momentarily.

He could also scent the pain she was in, dulled with chemicals, and he clung to it, knew he couldn’t let himself loose here and now.

Instead of moving her hand, he bend down to touch his lips to it before carefully placing his fingers on the thin skin stretching over bones.

“Do you remember me?” He repeated, unsure of how much an omega in her state would recall.

“Yes. Erwin.”

Her voice sounded from somewhere to his left, it appeared, and it was small and weak.

“Erwin it... It’s too much, I can’t... I don’t want to...”

Instinctively he took the hand she had laid on him, touched two of his fingers to his throat and then gently pressed them on the scent gland on her pulse.

She breathed in, long and deep, and he picked up the rising note of need in the air.

He repeated the action on her other arm, finding it effortlessly, and then sat back down on his legs, holding her hands in his.

“How bad is it?”

Talking kept him here and now, made him able to resist his urges that were fighting against him, against everything Erwin wanted to be.

“Bad.” She whispered, and he could make out glistening skin between the pillows now, his eye growing more accustomed.

“Allow me to help you. Please.”

“I don-“ She stopped and swallowed thickly. “I want it to stop, Erwin. But I don’t want to m-“

She broke off and he swallowed another wave of want threatening to overwhelm him. There was slight fear tinting the air around her.

“You don’t want to mate?” The words stung slightly.

A single, suppressed sob escaped her self-restraint and it send his alpha reeling in wanting to make sure she felt better, felt well again, felt protected and safe.

He crumbled in her presence, his forehead touching the lower arm in front of him.

He cradled her hand closer.

“I don’t- I don’t want the pain. Erwin, Erwin, please- please help me. Make it stop. M-mate with me.”

Her voice got more and more quiet, until the end where it was but a whisper. Still, he heard her, and it send light into his eyes, joy into his chest.

He pressed his lips to her wrist, chaste kisses, until he felt the muscles tensing under his touch. The tip of his nose trailed its way up to her shoulder, all the way to one of the main sources of that wonderful scent.

She sighed and he felt her rolling on her side until her face gently met his. Their foreheads touched and her second hand came up, curled around his neck, rubbed at his scent gland, made him furrow his brows.

He lay down on his side, stretched his legs.

Now that he had the confirmation, knew she accepted him, knew she allowed him to help, the dire need to rush subsided. The wish to mate was still there, pressing him on, but he felt more in control now.

His right hand came up and ghosted over her neck, shoulders, until she leaned into his touch and his fingers slid down to her side, tugged her closer, until he could feel her smaller body against his.

Another tug and she curled into him, the touch of skin on skin relieving some more of the stress her body was in, and he wrapped his arms around her, rolled on his back and pulled her shivering form on top of him.

He heard her breath in, sharp, but the intake of air was accompanied by a low moan, and this time not out of pain.

She grounded back against him the slightest bit, was so small under his hands, and he tried to be careful.

Was careful in helping her sit up as he felt the push of hands on his torso, supported her as she managed it, felt the soft groan as she rocked back against his boxers and hung her head from lack of strength.

Fingers ran over the skin on his torso, tickling him and at the same time making the heat he had felt during the last days coil in his midst.

It reacted to her touches, answered the omega’s call, a fire in his body.

The rut.

Realization hit him, and he couldn’t help but stare up at the omega on top of him in wonder. Blue light faintly traced her outlines before he sat up and buried his mouth in the crook of her neck.

She gasped satisfyingly loud before her fingernails dug into his back.

“Erwin, Erwin please, pleeeease...”

She ground down on him and he pulled her further down, against where fabric draped agonizingly tight over his crotch as he pressed his lips against her cheek, fisted his hands into her hair, pulled her closer with his other hand.

“Get, get rid of those!”

The demand came out as a growl as she tugged at his boxers, and he chuckled low.

He rolled back on his side, placed her down, saw how her eyes hungrily lit up and ran over his body.

The underwear caught on his ankle and he forcefully yanked it off, the rut amplifying his strength and he had to be careful not to tear the fabric.

He huffed a complaint at his underwear but then he was out of it, air touched the area that had been of so little use for too long, and he sighed in relief.

“Come.” Was all he needed to hear and he slid back between the piles of pillows and blankets, back to her hot skin and soft mewls whenever he touched her.

She rolled on her back, her bend legs slightly darker against the surroundings.

His alpha was purring out of satisfaction to see her submitting this willingly, this readily, and Erwin had to fight to not pounce then and there.

He paused.

“Did you, mate, before?” He had to know, some small part of his brain demanded it, and the wolf could only growl and snarl but the question was too important to ignore.

While waiting for an answer his head dipped down and his tongue, slightly longer and slightly rougher than normal, licked one long swipe over the whole area between her legs. Collected the moisture from there, tasted her.

This heat was definitely not fertile, the wolf noticed, and it set off the unconscious wish to make this coupling so well, so pleasing, that this she-wolf would come back for a second heat, stay with him.

Between deep breaths and moans, she answered the question he had half-forgotten he had asked out loud already.

“I did, for- ah, Erw-nnngh –ev ahha, ever agoh.”

He listened with closed eyes, listened to her sounds of pleasure, while his tongue licked out again and again, over the sensitive spots between and on her legs. The scent wasn’t as rich as on her throat, but he pushed the small worry about that aside when he softly bit into the skin of her thighs.

Sharp fingers found their way into his hair and scraped over his skull, yanked his head up and tugged him higher.

“Alpha.”

The growl was deep and threatening, but laced with adoration and appreciation at the same time.

Bright blue stared into violet as Erwin hovered above her.

“Omega.”

The word fell from his lips, defeated.

A leg wound around his back and pulled him closer, and all by itself he felt his penis catching on the wide entrance, following the trail of natural lube to its origin, and two voices cried out in unison as Erwin slowly pushed inside.

The welcoming mixture of tightness and slippery wetness was almost too much and he pressed his eyes shut.

It was more an unconscious act when Erwin bit down on the smooth skin of her shoulder, to keep himself from spilling over then and there.

His breathing was deep and fast, he tried to keep it together, but it had been too long, and the feeling was overwhelming.

He pulled back, took a shaking breath and thrusted back inside, quicker this time after gently spreading her before, felt relieved when she growled and huffed but not made a sound of complaint at his actions.

Once, twice, three times before he felt his knot swelling painfully hard and fast. One last thrust, and he had to reach down and keep her hips where they were and he was completely inside her this time, with no way of pulling out all too soon again.

“Erwin, Erwin wha, haa, Erwinnnnha-!“

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to her jaw line, softly rocking forward while his eyes were squeezed shut in concentration.

She’d only have to tense once to push him over the edge of his orgasm, he knew that much, but somehow she refrained.

By now the feeling of _full_ was spread throughout his groin, tight and heavy, but as he was locked with her he couldn’t move much.

Finally he opened his eyes, watering and full of delicious pain, was ready to plead with her. His blue gaze met her narrowed eyes, and with a small shock he recognized satisfaction there, a playful smirk on her lips.

She was doing it on purpose. Letting him _suffer_ like this-

Right as he opened his mouth to complain, a shiver went through her body, her eyes closed, her head tipped back and her whole form tensed up.

Instead of words there only was a long, breathy moan exiting Erwin’s mouth as the needed squeeze finally came, finally fulfilled him, finally made him able to come.

He pressed down hard, one hand under her butt to keep them as close together as possible, while his second hand intertwined with hers and threatened to cut off the blood-flow to her fingers.

He breathed against her neck, against her scent-gland, and once the twitching of his hips had stopped he began to nibble and kiss her neck, occasionally thrusting forward, as if to still reach deeper inside her, until the grinding, the touches and toothy kisses were enough to tip her over as well.

Her orgasm was smaller than his, more quiet, but after he pressed his lips to her ear and whispered that nobody would care if they heard, she got noisier, less restrained.

Erwin felt exhaustion wash over him.

Before he could fall asleep, he felt hands gently tapping his shoulder.

Promptly, he lifted his head, worried something might be wrong.

She smiled up at him.

“Can’t breathe.” She whispered, mocking a choked tone.

He grumbled deep in his chest and nuzzled her neck for another moment before he wrapped his arms around her and rolled on his back so she was on top of him again.

Lying on his back and watching the soft shadows of the plants on the ceiling made him somehow more aware of his poor performance, and his toes curled inward as a whole different kind of heat crept up his neck.

“Hey, um, I’m sorry.” He whispered down to where she was laying on him.

She blinked up at him. “For what are you sorry?”

His eyes locked on to the ceiling again and he exhaled. “For, you know. Not lasting that long.”

He glanced down, lines of worry etching into his face, and found her face mildly annoyed.

“Shut up, Alpha.” Was all she said before she dropped her head on his chest and nuzzled into it before dozing off.

He draped a thin blanket over their joined forms, her smaller body radiating warmth. He kept one hand on the small of her back while he, too, nodded off. Half awake, he promised himself he’d take better care of the omega in his arms as soon as his knot gave them free, make sure she enjoyed it to full lengths.

 

He had been on the brink of awakening when he more felt than heard the soft, wet ‘pop’ with which his knot released from the omega on his chest.

Erwin arched his head back while the tingling sensation of fluid running over his testicles made a pleasant shiver run over him, unconsciously hugging his arms tighter around the female.

The omega on his chest stirred, gave a sleepy moan from her as she shifted and readjusted and felt that what had tied her to the large alpha for the last three quarters of an hour wasn’t there anymore.

She lifted her head and blinked, and the haze that had clouded her eyes previously wasn’t quite as strong anymore.

Without being fully awake yet she rubbed against Erwin, and when he lifted his arms off her she growled until he put them back.

With soft sounds she guided him, until he slid the palms of his hands lower, ran it over the soft meat of her butt and relished in her arching into the touch.

The longer they moved the more the sleepiness waned, and the less sleep clung to them the more their bodies remembered their current state, until their mouths were locked together, only to break free now and then to sink teeth into each other’s throat or shoulders or limps, and they rolled around in the covers until Erwin pinned the omega down.

“Got you.” His eyes flared up as he panted, his hard on poking her leg, and she whined and moved, trying to get out of his grip to receive more touches.

He gave her free only to reach down between her legs, where his touch send shivers over her body, and soon after he replaced his hand with his tongue, this time continuing to lick up the delicious fluid until she panted, pleaded again and again without ever stating what for, and her fingers roughly pulled at his hair.

“Er-Erwin, you, your- please, if you continue you’ll-!”

It was too late for either of them to change their position; Erwin didn’t stop running his tongue over her clit and her fingers in his hair kept him where he was until her orgasm rolled over her, made her shiver, tense and moan.

He felt his eyes burning bright as he finally lifted his head after she ceased tugging him closer and actually nudged him away. As he pushed himself up, ready to start on his own release, he was met with gentle hands on his chest.

Questioning, he looked up, searching for an explanation in her face.

She smiled.

“Just... a minute of rest, okay?”

He lowered himself back down, too low for his groin to accidentally touch any intimate parts of her, and placed his head on her chest. His arms were lying to both of her sides, fingertips running over the paper-thin skin of her inner forearms.

Moments waned as he listened to her heartbeat, fluttering and fast, eventually slowing down. She sighed in content, combed her fingers through his hair and rubbed them over his neck. He rolled his head around and carefully rested his chin on her décolleté, watched how purple circled into his irises as the blue shimmer from his own eyes touched her face.


	6. Chapter 6

You awoke with an odd peace spread throughout your body.

At first you didn't move, lay still, only breathing with eyes closed. Bliss filled you.

There was a heavy arm reassuringly draped over your middle, a long leg directly behind yours, a strong, warm body in your back.

 

You sniffed and lifted your head.

The scent of passed heat and rut lay in the air, both omegan and alpha.

The room was tinted grey, sparse light coming in from a window hidden behind blinds.

As you moved you felt something warm and itchy around your butt. You shivered in disgust as your skin peeled away from the body behind you, sticking to it at first, then lifted the muscular arm and shimmied out from under the thin blanket.

Conscious thinking came back faster than you'd have liked as you took two steps around the heap of blankets and pillows; hazy memories of an unbearable fever and cramps, the cool scent of peppermint and finally the sweet, sweet relief of being held, fucked, knotted.

Still on wobbly legs, you took a minute to look at the alpha who had so graciously helped you through what had possibly been the worst heat in your life so far.

He was tall; his broad shoulders and delicious muscles that curved elegantly around his limbs, relaxed, as he slept soundly. Half of him was buried in the silk sheets of the shelter, thankfully covering his butt-crack that was currently turned towards you.

 

Blond, in the dim light grey, hair covered his scalp, and those pretty blue eyes, you remembered, that had begged acceptance hours ago were closed in sound sleep.

With a sigh you suppressed the urge to lie down with him again, to melt into his arms and spent more time with him.

It was difficult but you managed to get into the attached bathroom and locked the door, feeling instant relief flood your system.

The water of the shower was hot, pleasant on your cooled skin, and you scrubbed every trace of sweat, saliva and his seed off of you that could find. You tried to not think about where else the latter had gotten, and where else parts of him had been.

There wasn't anything shameful about mating during a heat, of course. Everyone knew that. Heats were times in which rational thinking occupied little to no space in one's head, every behaviour was excused.

And still.

The sheer lack of self-control you had over your body in those times, the deeply rooted want and need for an alpha's knot, disgusted you. The intensity and carelessness with which your body would gladly take any mate that offered themselves, just so it could get what it desired most.

It wasn't good.

Too many former classmates had turned up pregnant, too many had let an alpha bond them without thinking further than their next heat. The peak in hormones meant loss of control to you, surrender to instincts, making you a slave of your own body while your mind only kicked in after it was over.

This was why you suppressed, always had from the age on in which suppressants were allowed, which made it even worse the few times you had to endure a full blown heat when the meds ceased working.

And now there was a gorgeous alpha lying in the next room, his whole body appetizing and promising, and you sat on the toilet while water dripped from the ends of your hair, and waited if more of the thick cum would exit your body that he had put there, that you had let him put there.

You stared at the bit of folded paper in your hands while you got lost in your thoughts.

He had been there after you had broken down in that back-alley, had made sure you were safe and looked after, and you bit back the thought you had to go back in there, to him, to make up for it. No, he had done this out of free will, you thought to yourself as you lifted your upper body up to wipe. He shouldn’t expect something in return for what he had done.

You weren’t sure who was responsible, but mentally thanked the person who had called your flatmate Farlan to bring your purse with fresh, comfy clothes, deodorant and most importantly your set of amber jewellery. The unspectacular stones possessed great value to you, not only since they had been a gift from your grandmother over your mother to you, but also because they had the pleasant effect of blocking one's scent.

If the stones so much as touched skin on and around scent glands, any kind of smell would instantly be neutralized.

The science behind it wasn't yet entirely mapped, but it worked for you and you were glad about it.

It was the first thing you put on, followed by soft cotton underwear before you pulled out black sweatpants and eyed them suspiciously. Farlan had such a pair, and there were golden letters across the part that covered the butt that spelled out "Gucci". It was a ridiculous pair of pants, and as soon as he had spotted them in the shop he had bought them.

They unfolded on their own as you held them up, and you let out a sigh of relief as the golden word didn't blink up.

Looking at them closer, you noticed they were in fact more running- than sweatpants, but still too large to be from your closet.

A deep green shirt covered your upper half, and after putting up your hair and tugging it under a beanie you felt ready to leave the shelter behind.

Thankfully, every bathroom attached to a mating room had a second door, less obvious, but if one knew where to look, easy to find, so you weren’t forced to look at the handsome alpha once more.

The door was mostly there to be used as a last-resort when something went bad inside the room and the main door was blocked, but making a sneaky exit wasn't forbidden.

 

Mrs. Sina handed you a plastic bag with your cleaned and dried clothing you had come here in, along with your shoes which you put on in the waiting area.

"What happened to that alpha of yours? Didn't he want to get transferred to aftercare with you?" She asked, typing in something on her computer after having slided you a morning-after pill. It wasn’t really necessary since you were on birth control, but you still took it anyway. Better safe than sorry.

You shook your head and swallowed the pill, wincing at the uncomfortable soreness in your lower regions making itself noticeable now that you had sat down on a relatively hard, flat surface. "I'm not going for aftercare today. I'd like to leave everything behind me, for now. Say... what was his name again? Eremin? I headed home, if he asks."

Mrs. Sina nodded, a small smile on her face. "It's Erwin. If he asks, I'll tell him."

You could almost feel where her eyes lay on you, and the many possible things running through her head that she kept to herself would have made you dizzy if you’d have thought longer about them.

She knew about your repulsion towards heats, as she knew about almost anything that happened inside these walls, even though she rarely asked any questions.

 

The outside world was still quiet, the air heavy with moisture but pleasantly fresh.

Every muscle in your legs, arms and belly region seemed to be sore, but the searing pain grew bearable once you started moving and walking in the direction of your shared flat.

Upon entering you let the purse fall next to the door and kicked off your shoes.

"Farlan?" You called out, but the rooms were oddly quiet. "Farlan!"

Your eyes fell on a hot pink sticky note pinned to about your height against the frame of the kitchen door.

'Out with my boys until Monday, there's pizza in the freezer. Don't die & tell me EVERYTHING <3

Farlan'

You smiled at the swiftly written words, the letters so flat they were almost only a single slightly curved and peaking line.

"I love you too, Farlan." You mumbled as you took it off the frame and into the trash before throwing the pizza in the oven and settling on the couch with some Netflix. After lying down with a heating pad the sore area between your legs calmed a bit, but you tried not to think about what would happen at work tomorrow.

Your usual outfit for your job at the front desk of Trost Inc. were heels, tight pants or a skirt and a neutral blouse - and being a secretary, you mostly sat down.

Calling in sick wasn’t really an option since you had declined aftercare, therefore stating you were fit for work again.

It would be fine, you told yourself, while slowly making your way into the bathroom to get a crème against soreness.

 

The bathroom mirror showed lush purple-red love-bites peppering your neck and shoulders, your upper arms and even one or two on your chest. You cursed.

It would take hours to cover them with make-up, not to speak from the thick swelling that surrounded each and every single one of them.

Grossed out you poked a finger into the puffy skin and flinched at the small pain.

Your eyes focused on your reflection. Your hair was greasy; hours of repeated sweating, hands threading through it and rough pulling showing, but otherwise you looked surprisingly fine. No bags under your eyes, no sickly colour on your face, no pimples that might’ve popped up due to the rollercoaster of pheromones being released.

You squinted at your reflection. It looked too well.

Even though you had showered at the shelter just this morning you went in for another one, this time able to wash your hair and self properly instead of just rinsing off.

As soon as you opened the necklace and lifted the stones from your skin the scent came back and your legs gave away under you.

Your eyes, unfocused, stared into space as you sat on the floor of the shower, naked, clasping the ambers between your fingers.

_Erwin_. So strong as if he had just walked in through the door after you, and a soft whimper escaped your chest, instinctively calling out to the handsome alpha.

Scrunching up your face and pressing your eyes shut helped to regain control of that ancient part of you, and the noise stopped.

You breathed in deeply and stared, leaned back against the wall, up to the ceiling. A part of you tugged back into the direction of the shelter, wanted to dive into the silken mess of sheets and sonorous voice of that alpha, and you hated yourself for wanting it so much.

“Snap out of it.” You quietly told yourself, and reached for the scented shower gels.

They stung on the hardly closed wounds, and every time you let water wash away the foam it had made his scent came back.

After almost an hour you gave up.

 

You put the necklace back on as soon as you stepped out of the shower, and afterwards took a long while to apply a thick layer of soothing crème on every single bite you could reach.

 

You fell into bed not long after, suddenly cold after the hot shower. You pulled the covers closer around you until you could hardly move, and the closeness reminded you of this morning.

Annoyed with yourself you rolled out of the tight bundle, across your whole bed.

It took quite some time until you had found a sleeping position that was almost comfortable.

 

 

* * *

 

 

You stole into the kitchen the next morning while Farlan was occupied at the coffee-machine. Either you had been too noisy, or he just had really sharp ears today, but he turned around almost right after you had entered. A smug grin spread on his face which he hastily hid behind his mug.

“Well? Good morning.”

“You’re way too fucking happy for a Monday morning.” You stated as you pulled out the milk from the fridge and poured cereal into a bowl. You felt Farlan’s eyes on you, and as you glanced over, you saw them strobing blue. You ignored him.

“Come on, tell me!” The alpha whined, impatiently jumping from one foot to the other.

A spoon of cereal entered your mouth and you carefully sat down at the kitchen table before sparing him a longer look. “Alright, fine.”

Farlan’s face lit up with joy and he practically vibrated as he sat down across from you.

“So what does he look like? Handsome?” He clasped his hands together under his chin and smirked.

“That pretty much describes him, yeah... Tall, blond, I’d say above decently muscled. Naturally blue eyes, I think.”

“And- oh come on, you’re such a tease! Was he good?” His eyes dipped down to where your lower half was hidden under the desk’s surface before racing up again. The omega-alpha was almost drooling, even though your definition of the Erwin had been vague at best. You rolled your eyes.

“Sheesh, only focused on The Thing. He was quite large there, too, yeah. A little out of practice though, I think.” You continued to spoon your breakfast into your mouth while Farlan’s half-lidded eyes rested on you.

He sighed. “I see you’re not talking. What a shame. Well, I better wash off that coconut oil from the weekend before heading to work, if you’ll excuse me...”

You took a deep breath, trying to scent it on him. “You don’t particular smell like-“

Realization dawned on you when the ash-blond smirked and you quickly closed your eyes to roll them in private.

The male rose from his chair and drained his mug before setting out for the bathroom.

You hastily swallowed. “Remember, I need some time in there too! Don’t take too long!”

“Sure thing, prin-“

The nickname got stuck in his throat.

“Farlan?” You called out, half-heartedly worried he might have slipped and bit off his tongue at the sudden silence. “Hey, buddy!”

You leaned out of the kitchen door, bowl still in hand, and almost smacked into the other. He was standing in front of the opened bathroom door, eyes closed and face frozen in something like concentrated bliss.

“Hey.” You touched a hand to his shoulder. Upon contact he opened his eyes, shining deep blue, almost violet, and stared into your face with a slack mouth.

Your eyebrows knit together.

“ _That’s_ his scent?”

Farlan’s voice was small and full of awe. Only then did you realize you hadn’t opened the window last evening after showering, and a cloud consisting of Erwin and your scents, as well as a dozen shower gels, hung in the air. With two steps you were inside and roughly pulled the window open, all the while holding your breath.

After stepping out you tried to breathe as if you hadn’t avoided it just now, and ate another spoon full of slowly sopping cereal.

“Um, yeah? You didn’t smell it when you came back?”

“You’re unbelievable. No, I arrived this morning... was a long night.” He shook his head and went inside, to do whatever he had set out to, and you returned to the kitchen with a glum feeling in your gut.

The love bites littering your skin ached in response to your exposure to the scent, and, suddenly robbed of your appétit, you dropped the remains of your cereal down the sink.

Farlan emerged from the bathroom and you wordlessly went in. The other had sprayed a generous amount of febreeze onto the tiles, and together with the opened window it made the smell bearable.

Bearable as in, not wanting to drop to the floor and curl up rocking back and forth while desperately touching your hands to all the places his fingers, his mouth had been and hoping for the alpha to be in front of the door.

You pulled your sleeping top off your chest and started to clean yourself when a knock sounded on the door. Without waiting for a reply Farlan stuck his head in.

“Where did you put mmhmy _goddess_ are those _bite marks_?” He came in, eyes glued to the bruises.

“Farlan, how often did I tell-“ You crossed your arms protectively over your chest, even though there was no actual reason to hide.

“Shh!” He shushed you, and you rolled your eyes. The omega-alpha was as uninterested in females as it could get, but it didn’t mean you _had_ to be comfortable with him walking in on your changing every so often.

“This is fascinating...” He stroked one of the still swollen bites with his index finger and you swatted his hand away.

“Seriously, this is going too far. Get out of here.”

The blond took a step back and eyed your throat with a sceptical eye.

“You, girl, will need my make-up and my help if you want to cover those.” He wiggled his fingers towards the bites and you turned back to applying deodorant to your armpits.

You met his view in the mirror, suddenly uncertain. “Can you? Can you cover them?”

His face was rinsed off all playful emotion as he observed your shy state.

“Don’t worry. I’ll search for something that covers you just fine, and after tomorrow we should be able to hide them with a bit of magic. You go shopping for some strong concealer later.” He gave you a reassuring touch to the shoulder before practically floating out of the room, humming a quiet note.

You turned back to the mirror. The bites hadn’t lost an ounce of their intensity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's wondering about Farlan's omega-alpha state here can read my other A/B/O ff, with Levi - My Childhood friend, My First love, My Partner, My Alpha; Mine - in which it gets briefly explained, for those who have trouble picturing it themselves. Although 'genderfluid' is a very fitting word to describe it, too.
> 
> Fun fact: "Untouchables" as an A/B/O dynamic came to my mind after listening to Meghan Trainor's 'No'.
> 
> Also, I have the basic idea for this ff laid out in my head, and am halfway to the finish (no, this chapter isn't the halway there mark - this ends on page 49 and I'm currently typing on page 77), but... having the end in mind and looking at where I am now, it's difficult to curb and bend the storyline and character's actions as to sucessfully get there and not have it like 'and then... they lived happily ever after'.  
> Like.  
> writing is this is d i f f i c u l t  
> ALSO: real life is difficult


	7. Chapter 7

The phone rang and you picked it up.

“Hello and welcome to the front desk of Trost Inc., my name is Ms. ______, what can I do for you today?”

After a short talk you placed the receiver back down and readjusted in your seat.

Uncomfortable, you pulled the collar of your turtleneck up, afraid it might slip and show.

The whole morning you had speed-walked to the toilets and back, to check if something was showing.

By the time it was late enough for lunch, Annie came down from IT to pick you up. Her blonde hair was kept in a bun at the back of her head, and the striped sleeves of her shirt were so long they covered her hands.

As always, she kept quiet until you were well out of view of the glass-covered skyscraper that was Trost Inc. Tower.

Only after another corner did the she sigh heavily.

“What’s up? Do the guys cause you trouble again?” You glanced at her.

Farlan, bless his soul, had opted for black ballet flats instead of your regular heels, but you were still a good deal taller than Annie. The blonde harshly pulled off her ID card that hung around her neck and unceremoniously stuffed it into the backpocket of her jeans. The faint smell of tech and frustration surrounded her.

“No, just the usual. Customer service is a bitch.” Her converse-clad foot kicked an empty can of Green Fawn across the sidewalk.

After picking up two meals from the local foodtruck-meeting point you sat down by a small, man-made system of lakes and rivers running through the inner city.

“They all complain about their slow computers and when I finally get down there because they make it seem like it’s billowing smoke or whatnot, they have some ridiculous... task... clogging their entire RAM.”

She shook her head resigned and shovelled the curry-flavoured rice into herself.

You looked at her again. She sat cross-legged next to you, dark shadows under her eyes and with a pale complexion.

“You should sleep more, Ann.” You mumbled.

“Shut up.” She wiped her sleeve over her eyes, squinting as the spices of her meal caught on.

“You tell me when I have to make pretty eyes at the control unit, okay?” You continued to look at her, unwilling to let it go.

The small beta lifted her eyes and held your gaze for a moment.

“Yeah.”

Satisfied, you turned back to your food and dug in, strangely hungry.

“Who did you mate with?”

You had to swallow hard on that. Had it been that obvious?

Willing the violet hue from your eyes you cleared your throat and glanced at the female.

She wasn’t looking at you, though, picking at her food instead. “How...?”

“You only wore the turtleneck after the last time you slept with someone and wanted to hide the bites.” Her eyes met yours briefly before returning to her food.

You lowered your lunch. “That was forever ago! But I suppose you’re right. I have no idea who that guy was, he found me when I almost passed out ten steps from the shelter. He came back eventually, in full rut.”

A shrug came over your shoulders. “I don’t know. He was... trying his best, I guess.”

Annie stopped eating and lowered her serving as well, her seemingly bored eyes resting on your face.

You looked up and met her gaze.

“You like him.” She stated, but without a cocky expression like Farlan had worn it. A thin crease appeared between her eyebrows.

“I don’t want to.” The water of the small lake in front of you was dark, suggesting a great depth, when in reality you knew it wasn’t more than a few metres. “It’s pulling at my heart just to think of that stupid alpha. Gross. Just hope it stops after I get his scent out of my system...”

Annie didn’t say anything but continued to eat, and for the rest of your break she kept silent and let you ramble about this and that, but mostly about how ridiculous the situation with Erwin was.

When you rose and headed back to your workplace she followed, hands stuffed into her pockets and eyes trained on the ground.

“I hate it here.”

You looked back over your shoulder. Her face was set in a frown and she avoided your eyes.

“I know.” You mumbled, stopping at a corner before Trost Tower could come into view. “You can always quit, if you want.”

She grunted.

“Yeah right, as if those alpha assholes wouldn’t ruin a beta girl like me if she as much as tried to get clean.” She shook her head and ripped her ID card out of her pocket. Her gaze met yours again, and her brows furrowed as she slung it around her neck.

“I know too much. The shit they try to hide... I tapped into that _by accident_ and-“ She broke off and you picked up a faint note of fear from her.

Your instinct took over and you leaned forward, hugging both arms around the smaller female. She tensed, and you pulled back hastily.

“I’m so-, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- I know you don’t like-“

“Shut up.”

She moved past you, but her words were softer than usual. A faint, soothed note emitted from her. After another heartbeat you went after her, and she gave you a last, small smile before the doors to the elevator closed in front of her and took her back up, under the roof, to her place among the gigantic servers and cables and monitors.

 

The afternoon passed relatively fast, with an array of schedules to plan and go over, and after you clocked out you went into the city. The sleek, colour-coordinated shop with the illuminated sign that read “Utopia” was as intimidating-ly beautiful as ever. You breathed in and took the step inside, quietly thinking you were only doing this for Farlan. And yourself, for a small bit.

A dark skinned omega approached you with a smile, her perfect winged golden eyeliner catching your attention even from the corners of your eyes.

“Welcome at Utopia’s. Are you familiar with our products? Or would you like a helping hand?”

“Hi! I, um, I’ve been here with my friend a few times – blond hair, ridiculously extroverted-“ Chance was he was known here, considering the hours upon hours he spend here.

A real smile, not the pristine, polite smile for customers, lit up the face of the omega. “You must be Farlan’s flatmate, then!”

Relief lit up your face. “Yes! Exactly. He, uh, he told me to come here to, um-“

Maria, why was this so difficult? It was just make-up!

“A founda- no, a concealer. He told me to buy a concealer.”

You grabbed the short trench coat you weren’t wearing tighter.

The omega nodded and you caught sight of her name-tag before she turned and led you further into the shop.

Lina.

“Our concealers are here – may I ask for what occasion you plan on using it?”

Not wanting to explain it all – it sounded hideous enough in your head – you simply pulled at your collar until a few of the dark bites could be seen. Lina’s eyes widened.

“Girl, what animal did that?” Her golden lined eyes fluttered up to meet yours. “Do you need me to call someone?”

The concern in her voice and body language, the fondness in her eyes, it was too much.

“N-no, I, I’m okay with it, really. It was all- consensual.” You waved a hand and hastily added the last part to make it seem less like you were just sweet-talking yourself out of it, but tears were still pricking at your eyes.

“Here, sit down a moment. Ima catch something to drink for you real quick, okay? Don’t run off.”

With a deep breath you followed Lina’s instructions and lowered your rear on one of the cubes gathered in a corner meant for anyone just accompanying as a plus one, and watched the dark pants-clad bottoms of the fellow omega vanish behind a panel obscuring the employee’s entrance to the back.

It hadn’t closed all the way before she reappeared with a glass of water and handed it to you.

After taking a sip you looked out towards the front. Rain splattered against the glass, and the wide street before the windows was deserted. The shop was empty besides you.

“I’m so sorry.” You looked up at the other female, who had a hand on her hip and a somewhat pitiful look on her face. She was emitting soft, soothing omega-scents, noticeable even below her perfume. “I just need to buy something that will cover the marks, don’t want to, you know, work and stuff...”

“Trust me, it’s fine. Besides, it’s not like I got other stuff to do.” She trailed her eyes around the shop once before returning to you. “Shall we get to it then?”

Her face got a kind of smug look that reflected the pride she took in her work, and you silently admired her for it.

She wore perfume, yes, and make-up, but it didn’t obscure who she was. It complimented, accentuated her, underlined what had naturally been given to her, and her stance spoke of self-confidence and bravery.

Lina let you test an array of things that had to do with concealers and foundations but had completely different names, and soon you were lost.

Eventually she bagged two little flasks of expensive looking stuff that was middle-class in price, or so she said, and accepted your nervously handed over money.

She made an effort in stuffing a bit of thin paper into the top of your little bag before gently pushing it towards you over the glossy black counter.

“Tell Farlan I said hi. And that I’d like my cherry-bomb lipstick back.” She wiggled her index finger playfully and smiled a wide and friendly grin, and with that you took your leave.

It was still raining outside, but it was nothing your coat and umbrella couldn’t have stood against.

Once you arrived back home, another surprise was waiting for you.

Not bothering to get out your keys from who knows where they had dropped to in the depths of your purse, you simply rang the doorbell and shivered in silence for a moment until the buzzer sounded and you hurried inside.

Farlan opened, complete in a crop top and his infamous ‘Gucci’ sweatpants, holding a small carton of expensive looking chocolate and munching on one.

“I see the butterfly is ready to spread her wings.” He remarked as he caught sight of the small, slightly wet, bag after you pulled it out of your purse.

“Where did you get that?” You asked, instead of commenting his questionable statement.

His clear blue eyes flickered to the chocolate in his hands, like it hadn’t been there the whole minute you had been in the flat already.

As you pulled off your shoes and hung your coat to dry, he leaned in the doorway to the living room, plucking another chocolate out of the box and gently setting it down on his tongue.

“A mailman brought it... It had this card on it, labelled with your name, but since I’m an honest person I wouldn’t snoop into your letters like that.” He held out a hand with a wrapped card between his index and middle finger.

You shot him a somewhat annoyed look before you forcefully opened the envelope and pulled out the card.

After your eyes had flown over it you roughly pulled the box of chocolate from Farlan’s hands. The young man made sounds of protest as you tried to wedge the top back on the box, and intervened as you wanted to move into the kitchen, towards the cupboard where the trash was kept.

“Would you mind explaining why you want to waste this exquisite chocolate?” He demanded to know, hands on his hips and positioned between you and the trash-cans.

Anger bubbled up in your chest, and like so often, violet circled into your pupils.

“Would _you_ mind explaining why you open a package that is _clearly_ addressed to me, then eat what the sender intentioned for me to have and only afterwards are so gracious to hand me the fucking card with which he declared it was my chocolate?”

An unhappy frown tugged Farlan’s lips down, and he dipped his head and avoided your eyes as you saw a purplish blue flare up in his view.

“I- I might’ve been craving exactly this kind of chocolate a- and...” He fell silent.

“Who’s, who’s it from, though?” He peeked back to where you still stood, and hastily looked away again as he saw your eyes hadn’t lost any of their fury.

“That’s none of your business, Mr. Too-honest-to-snoop-in-my-mail.” You simply pushed past him and he took a stumbling step to the side, out of the way, and ruefully watched as you stuffed the chocolate into the can.

Before you could exit the room he collected all his self-confidence one last time. “It was from Erwin, wasn’t it?”

In a heartbeat you were at his throat, snarling and eyes lit in violet fire.

You found Farlan pressed flat up against the kitchen wall, hands raised, head tilted sideways, and even though he was taller than you he seemed to shrink away, intending no challenge.

After another moment you could will your lips back over your teeth and took a step back.

Sensing the immediate danger to have passed, the blond carefully looked out of the corners of his eyes if you were still steaming.

“Don’t make any assumptions, smartass.” You jabbed a finger into his chest, even though you knew as well as he did your reaction had been answer enough.

You left the room but stopped right outside the door.

“For future reference, don’t open my mail again. I _will_ notice.” There was a threat underlying your words, and you hoped Farlan knew you were serious this time.

There had been occasions on which he had gotten to open packages that had been delivered for you in the time he had conveniently been home to accept them, but it had always been something of no greater value to you; maybe new running shoes, a CD, stuff like that.

Opening and eating some of the chocolate that Erwin, _your al_ \- no. That Erwin had sent, was out of the zone.

Why was he sending chocolate anyway?

The card, now crumpled in the bin, had read something like: “I hope I could help and that you feel better now” or some crap.

The door to your room fell into its lock with a surprisingly loud, surprisingly satisfying 'bang'.

 

* * *

 

 

Tuesday was another day for the turtleneck, even though you had seen to applying soothing crème meant to treat bad swelling.

The skin around the bites wasn’t as horribly puffy anymore but still painfully sensitive; and the colour unchanged.

At least the area between your legs was better now, almost not sore at all anymore.

Annie came for your lunch break, quietly venting about her colleagues, and the afternoon came and went.

You met a delivery guy smelling of greenery and flowers in the staircase of your apartment house and only gave him a mildly confused look as he passed.

As soon as you opened the door you knew why the guy had been here, and you snatched the bouquet of flowers from their vase and raced down the stairs without thinking twice.

“Hey! Wait!” You called out, but the green car with the letters “Pieck’s flowers for every occasion” already took off. You stared after it, fuming and out of breath, clenching a hand around the flowers in your hand.

Looking at them you realized they were in fact pretty, all in deep blue and lavender tones, with yet another card stuck to them which had miraculously survived the harsh trip down the stairs. Picking it up and turning it around, you read:

“For ______”

In golden letters.

 

“Farlan?!” You called out after arriving back on the level of your flat and pushing the ajar door open wide.

“Yes?” Came the answer, a little less cocky than usual. Apparently he still hadn’t fully swallowed the little disagreement from yesterday. “Oh by the way, I think that alpha your's sent- Oh.” He had peeked his head out of the bathroom, halfway through styling his hair, as his eyes fell on the slightly dishevelled looking binding of flowers.

“Yeah.” You glowered, tossing it back into the vase Farlan had put out for them. “I noticed. If there’s another mail with chocolate or flowers or... some shit, and you happen to be home, please don’t accept it and just send it back. I really don’t know what he’s trying to accomplish with sending this... crap to me, but I- I don’t want it.”

You looked from the flowers over to Farlan’s silent face and saw him nod softly.

“Okay. But- You do know that rejecting an alpha’s advances like this will hurt him, right? I mean... this is courting in its most basic form, and you’ll block him off.”

“I don’t care, Fal, I’d just like to get this whole weekend out of my system and mind and just leave it behind!”

You stared into Farlan’s eyes for a moment.

 “I did not intend to rhyme that.” You stated, matter of fact.

“Okay.” A resigned but understanding smile bloomed on your flatmate’s face before he pulled his head back and closed the door again.

 

* * *

 

 

The week went on, and by Friday Farlan had rejected another two bouquets of flowers of increased size and another box of chocolate, including a gift card for the shop Erwin had gotten them from. Each delivery had been accompanied by a card, but Farlan had kept true to his word for once and not opened them after shaking his head at the postman and giving the delivery right back.

On Saturday you had both been out, and when you came back there was a card slid under your door stating a certain delivery had been left at the neighbour’s.

“Why is he doing this.” You quietly asked, sitting next to Farlan on your couch and staring at the voluminous wonder that Erwin’s latest money had gone into.

The blond to your side shook his head in silent amazement.

You had made no effort in establishing contact the whole week, had declined everything he had sent your way if possible, had even left early the day after your mating – and here he was, still throwing things at you.

It pulled at some primal part of your inner wolf whenever you thought about the handsome blond, but you could rationalize it more now, could blame it all on the nature of heat’s instead of asking yourself if maybe, maybe, the interest was mutual.

“I don’t want this.”

You saw Farlan moving his head to look at you.

“Really? You don’t like the attention?” A soft light glowed in his eyes.

You helplessly lifted your shoulders. “I can’t say I don’t but- Isn’t this a kind of stalking? Repeatedly sending someone something even if they send it back?”

“Well,” Farlan readjusted on his spot, scratching the back of his head. “I couldn’t smell him around our street so I doubt he was here himself, thus keeping true to the unspoken rules of courting in modern society... By law he is allowed to do that for some time before it’s considered harassment.”

“Great.” You let your head fall back on the couch’s backrest and closed your eyes.

Over the Sunday Farlan taught you how to apply the make-up you had bought earlier that week, and after a few hours you could do it yourself.

It only took two or three layers, and the almost blue bites weren’t visible anymore.

“It’s a miracle.” You stared into the bathroom mirror, a small make-up sponge still in your hand. Your eyes met Farlan’s, who leaned against the shower to the side, biting his thumb.

“It’s make-up.”

“Yes, but – wow.”

He laughed and his blue eyes shone and sparkled with affection as he ruffled your hair.

As he picked up a handy foldable mirror and looked into it, you remembered the sales-woman from Utopia’s.

“Oh, by the way... The omega who sold me this stuff, she knew you. Said she wanted her lipstick back or something.”

Farlan paled and snapped his mirror shut.“Yeah, there was something...” He kept on mumbling and left the room, leaving you staring after him, chuckling slightly.

 

Monday was the quiet before the storm, it seemed.

The whole morning you shifted meetings and important calls for one of your boss’s, but that aside, everything was quiet.

By noon there hadn’t been a message from Farlan, who usually bombarded you with texts if he got bored in the small tea shop he worked in, Annie hadn’t experienced anything out of the ordinary either and the weather was nice, albeit a bit windy.

After coming home you met another delivery guy in the staircase – a guy with blond top hair and a darker undercut.

He was waiting in front of your flat’s door, looking up at the plain white colour after ringing the bell another time.

You rounded the last corner of the stairs and froze, hand half-way out of your bag, wrapped around keys. For half a second you debated just moving past the guy, just keep walking, but by now you had stood too long on the same spot and he probably knew and-

The guy turned around.

Recognition made your jaw slack. “Jean?”

“______!”

Bewilderment, joy and confusion filled you and a smile spread on your lips. “What in the...?”

He scratched the back of his head and laughed.

“Heya. Yeah, I’m a delivery guy now.”

“Oh my gods, it’s been forever! How are you? Still with Marco?”

The package was momentarily forgotten as you – despite heels – stood on your toes to hug the other omega.

“Yes. We’re bonded now.” He gently pulled his jacket’s collar down and exposed a healed bite. Your eyes softly glowed as they returned to his view.

“Oh Jean, I’m so happy for you two. Do you have a minute?” You pulled your keys out of your bag fully and went to open the door.

Jean’s face fell and he shuffled his foot.

“No, I gotta finish handing out these...” He lifted the small package before remembering the one he held was addressed to you. Wordlessly he held it out. “This’ for you, I guess.”

You took a look at the wrapping and recognized the by now familiar printing.

“I’m sorry, but I won’t accept it.”

“Alright. Any particular reason?” He pulled up a clipboard and set the tip of a pen on the paper.

You shook your head and pursed your lips.

“Okay. Hey, um, this is... my phone number...” He scribbled down some letters on the lower part of his paper before ripping it off and handing it to you. “Marco and me live in this new housing across town, you should visit us!” He gave another radiant smile and with that turned around, headed back down the stairs and after another moment of contemplating you opened the door and walked backwards into your flat.


	8. Chapter 8

Despite the constant little reminders, the weekend at the shelter had drifted into the back of your mind. The hours in which your brain had been swept by chemicals swam together and were but a small, dark blurred spot in your memory.

 

Farlan was out with his buddies for the evening and you spend a somewhat mildly interesting afternoon on the couch with a book before taking a long, hot bath. After drizzling lavender oil into the steaming water you dipped your toes in; It was still very much too hot to just jump right in, and you couldn’t just pull a Daenerys-Targaryen and not be hurt. Eyes caught on the jewellery still firmly wrapped around your wrists when you placed a fresh towel in reach of the tub, and slowly you unclasped the treasured pieces. To your pleasant surprise there was little to no change in your own fragrance emitting from the sensitive stripes of skin, and you relished in the feeling of going without the bands for once.

After taking a deep breath and lowering your rear into the delightfully lilac water, you submerged below the mountains of foam. The clock by the toilet read something along half past six when you drifted up again and decided it was time to get out.

 

Noodles were sizzling in a pan, alongside onions, paprika and flavoured oil when the landline rang.

“Church’ and ______’s household, it’s ______ on the line!” You put the phone between your cheek and shoulder and stirred the contents of the pan.

“______.” Annie’s voice rang through the receiver, pressed and quiet. Your eyes darted around without seeing anything and you momentarily turned your back to your dinner as the drowsy, relaxed state you had been in since noon fell away.

“Ann?” There was something on your voice-cords, and you felt like you should clear your throat. “What’s wrong?”

 

Muffled sounds, like she was walking somewhere in public and had taken her ear off the speaker.

“I can’t tell you what, exactly, but just know that they’re probably tapping into your phones.”

An exasperated noise wanted to escape your chest and you huffed. “Does this have to do with you f-“

“If!” Annie interrupted you, her voice tense. “I don’t come down for lunch tomorrow don’t bother looking for me, guess I’ll have to sort a few things out first, okay?”

“Annie? Annie, please! Can’t you...?”

“I’m sorry.” For the first time her words lost some of their edge. “I’m safe. Don’t worry.”

The line went silent, and after another heartbeat the call ended.

The sharp scent of something threatening to burn reached your nostrils and you had to throw away the phone to save what could be saved from the hot pan’s merciless cooking. After the initial shock about the narrowly avoided kitchen-disaster had passed you felt worry creeping up to you. She hadn’t said it but her cryptic message just now had to do with her uncovering something not meant for her eyes behind the facade of your employer, and the faint note of fear that had surrounded her whenever she had mentioned it had cold dread seeping into your bones.

What she had said now was so incoherent, especially with you being somewhere entirely different with your mind the last hours, and you wanted to call her back badly. Despite her warning your line might be tapped your thumb hovered about the ‘call back’ button that would dial the last number that had rang through. You knew it would be futile to press it since Annie’s mobile was a security vault of its own calibre and she’d surely do a backflip off Trost Tower before forgetting to hide something as trivial as her number. And even if you’d be able to reach her, you doubted she’d have taken your call right now.

The blond alpha that had haunted your thoughts these past days was, for a change, completely off your mind when you went to bed that night. You felt watched and uneasy and rolled around until your back faced the wall and deep shadows followed you into your dreams.

 

After awaking the next morning the call from the previous evening didn’t seem so frightening anymore. You made sure not to make too much noise so you wouldn’t wake Farlan who had dragged himself through the door around four in the morning, and picked out a nice, light grey shirt to your skirt and heels. Covering the bites was done in no time, and after a toast you went out of the flat and towards the bus that would take you to work.

As every morning you wiped down the whole counter with disinfectant before sitting down and looking through the stack of mail and notes that had come in before going up a story to pick up the coffee-orders of the higher ups. You were fairly certain you should demand a pay raise as the lift descended again and you decided against wearing your coat before exiting the building and heading towards the nearest Starbucks. The air was fresh and the wind a bit chilly at times, but the air inside the coffee house was warm and heavy with the scent of the roasted beans and sweet syrups.

The baristas had their hands full of work and so you stood in line a while before eventually heading out of the shop with eight cups of various coffee and tea blends, all mixed to the liking of some of the most powerful people in this part of town. You rounded the corner of Trost Tower when a vaguely familiar scent hit your nose. Without meaning to, you took a deep breath.

It was nice, delicious on a whole different level than the hot beverages in your hands. There was an underlying tone that seemed off, though, and you were too busy to try and think back to where and when you had smelled it before than paying heed to the slight tickle it your neck. You passed the automatic turning door when your view fell on broad shoulders clad in a comfy dress-jacket and blond hair. A buzzing, nervous energy spread through you as the gears clicked into place, making your heart jump and pound, caught between soft surprise and freezing shock. Suddenly your heels sounded painfully loud on the tiled floor.

At the new noise, he turned around. His whole face lit up when his eyes fell on you, and it painfully tugged on your soul. Breathing became awfully difficult, and you had to force air into your lungs.

“Hi.” He said quietly.

His voice was warm and deep, and there was a small smile playing around his lips as he took two shy steps towards you. His arms twitched, as if he wanted to reach out, but to your relief he didn’t. He also didn’t come any closer, and you didn’t know if you liked that or not.

It was so strange to see him here, surrounded by the posh, expensive furniture and glass and steel that made up the entrance hall. Up until now you had never really thought about it, but Erwin didn’t fit in here. He was the type of guy to wear flannels in a sun-flooded house with wooden floors and dust dancing in the rays of light, smelling of home, hearth, comfort and warmth. The cold aura of this place contrasted so harshly with him, and he seemed so out of place, almost lost. You shifted your weight to the other food, clutching on to the carry-on trays a little more tightly.

“Hi. Ca-Can I ask what you’re doing here?” You furrowed your brows and didn’t know if you had sounded too harsh or not, but in your defence, you hadn’t expected him here, and now, and. Seriously, what was he thinking just turning up like this here?

He lifted a hand and scratched the back of his head.

“Neat place. Ah, Mrs. Sina mentioned you worked here, and I figured you wouldn’t take it if I called you, so...”

You blinked, surprised by his words, and a little hurt, too. Nevertheless he was probably right. As the silence lasted Erwin seemed to shrink. The confident alpha was still behind his features, strong and proud as always, but his shoulders bend forward and he had lowered his head a bit.

_Submissive_.

“What do you came here for, Erwin?”

 

He ran a hand over the polished countertop and passed you a quick glance.

“I wanted,” a short break, and his brows furrowed. He seemed to change his mind and began anew. “I wanted to ask if you’d like to go out and meet up somewhere? I’m working at the Police Station on Shiganshina-Road, third floor’s my department, if you want to drop by some time or...”His more and more desperate view fell on the coffee in your hands. “For a coffee or so. Di-did, did you get the flowers I sent?”

There was the fraction of a second between the two sentences, and you got the impression that’s what he had come here to ask for all along. You took a step in the directions of the elevators, almost able to hear the voices of the alphas complaining about their drinks being too cold, and an apologetic look came to your face.

“I’m really sorry, I’m usually not someone to cut people off, but listen... I’m sorry, I should really get going and deliver these coffees.” Smiling was easier than it should have been as you passed the alpha. When you walked past him your nose picked up his scent, and what you had smelled outside, thinned by the wind, now tempted you to take hold of his wrists. Press your nose into them, to fall into his embrace and let him act as a buffer between the pesky alphas upstairs and your tender self. Not saying anything about the courting gifts was easier than it should have been, too, and still you stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for one of the upper floors.

“I’m, really sorry.” You added before the doors closed, but not before you saw how Erwin’s face fell at your dismissal of his question and invitation.

 

Your legs locked and you stood completely frozen as the cabin ascended. Eyes unfocused and the only thought swirling in your mind was _What the fuck. What the fuck just happened. What- What the fuck_.

It was all that filled the space between your ears when you mechanically stepped out on the wood and carpet floor at the next level, registering the ground and the offices but not really seeing them.

_What the fuck happened._

 

Your own polite smile must’ve been a tad bit cooler than usual and Lobov made a snarky remark about ‘uptightness’ and the ‘need to loosen up’. Your frosty smile stretched over your closed lips before it dropped entirely and you made an effort not to linger in the stuffy rooms any more than necessary.

The entrance hall was deserted, thankfully, as you took your seat again, and it gave you space and time to process the encounter until your two colleagues who shared the long desk with you arrived around 10.

Two hours and a half later you were firmly thinking your easy smiles and effortless talk had been due to the fact it had been such a shock to see him life and in colour so unexpectedly, here, at _work_ , and you couldn’t wait for Annie to come down from her floor to get lunch with you and to tell her. Impatience was a bitch and so you eventually gave in and went upstairs to ask for her there instead of waiting at your desk.

After the elevator’s doors opened you stepped out on a floor you had only seen before once, on your first day, while you were being shown around. It hadn’t changed much since then; it still had the same steel-blue walls, the linoleum-floor, the burning scent of plastic and dust in the air.

“Excuse me?” Not knowing where to find the beta girl, you stopped a guy with baggy pants, a beanie covering his head and a tech-pad in his fingers. He nervously looked up from the numbers displayed there but didn’t dare to hold your view for too long. The scent of beta came off of him.

“Yah?”

“Where can I find Annie? We’re set for lunch today...” You trailed off, bright eyes focused on the guy, eager to hear his reply.

“Ah, ‘m sorry but I think she went to lunch early. ‘scuse me.” He shuffled past you and you involuntarily wrinkled your nose at the trail of sweat he left hanging in the air.

Disappointed and a small bit hurt, you stepped back into the elevator and went to the ground floor and then out into the fresh air, towards your usual source of food, all the while thinking only about why Annie would ditch you without giving notice.

_Gone to lunch early? Possibly to meet someone else?_? But who? You knew Annie wasn’t exactly an affectionate person, never really friendly and of a cool politeness at best, but at least you knew she was loyal, and for her to present such sudden changes in behaviour... Your trail of thoughts came to an abrupt end as you approached the food-truck meeting place and you remembered her last sentence during the phone call yesterday. A cold stone fell into your stomach at the possibility of you having so blatantly disregarding her wish, and when a shock of pale blonde hair to the side caught in a patch of sunlight you were startled. After looking again you saw it belonged to someone else, and a bit of the tight knot in your stomach loosened. Still lost in thoughts you tipped the guy at the curry stand a huge amount of money, which had him raising his cap and giving you a wide, heartfelt smile.

 

With a decently filled stomach, well hydrated and a quick walk around the houses nearby you sat down behind your desk, feeling refreshed and full of energy.

Thinking about the alpha’s visit was easier now, and you fired off a few texts to Farlan, hinting at the possible appearance of blond visitor at work, to which he replied with an ominous message that left it open to interpretation if he was frolicking with joy or planning a murder.

On your way home the feeling of Erwin’s visit not being entirely okay caught up to you and stuck like a piece of toilet paper caught on a heel. No matter where you steered your thoughts it wouldn’t get away completely, alongside with the more pressing matter of Annie’s call and absence this noon. After the missed meal you had tried calling her over her computers messaging system, but despite her profile being marked as ‘online’ the only response you got back was the customary ‘Please stand by patiently while I deal with some other important IT stuff first sry’. Still not entirely sure to which extends her wish for you to stay away went, you came to the quiet conclusion to not visit her floor again should she not reappear by herself.

 

Before exiting your station, you rang Farlan up.

“Hey.”

“Heeeey.” He answered, drawn out and almost with a question mark at the end.

“What’s up? Did something happen?” You furrowed your brows, silently hoping the weird vibe of today wouldn’t transfer onto home as well.

“No. I’m good.” And the off sound was gone from his voice, replaced with the usual Farlan, quirky and happy.

“Okay... Listen, I wanted to ask if I should pick up food today? Pizza, or so?” You waited for the train’s doors to open and then stepped out onto the platform.

“Yeah! Maybe something Indian for today?” He perked up and the gladness in his voice was very audible.

“Okay. Be there in twenty.” With that you hung up and started walking into the direction of the nearby restaurant.

 

Twenty-five minutes later you opened the door to your flat and handed the plastic bag with takeout to the waiting alpha. You caught him watching you as you slipped out of your shoes, suddenly going down from eye-level to significantly shorter, and hung your jacket. After raising an eyebrow, he closed his eyes and turned towards the kitchen.

 

“So what do you think? I mean he did cross a line, kinda, didn’t he?” You sat leaned forward on your legs, staring at Farlan, while the man in question was resting his back against the couch, hands folded over his stomach, seeming to forcibly relax as he stared at the ceiling.

“I-“ He broke off and exhaled noisily. “Yes. Turning up at your workplace was inadequate, I agree on that.”

“...but?” You pressed on. Farlan sighed and readjusted, obviously uncomfortable. When he met your view, his was glowing blue.

“_______, I understand it’s difficult for you, I really do, with all these small things he sends and what he does. But I can also relate to him, so much. Not only because I’m a guy, too.” His voice went down towards the end and his gaze dropped into his lap. His reaction threw you off balance and you weren’t sure what to make of it. Was he on your side or not?

Your lasting silence prompted Farlan to glance at you before taking a breath and preparing to continue.

“Just – pretend to be him for a moment. You find an omega, an incredibly strong one-“ You uncomfortably shifted at the praise. “- in an _alleyway_ , approaching heat, and then they allow you to carry them to the shelter nearby. And then they don’t plead you to stay with them and you go home. And then you go into rut and go back into the shelter because you haven’t heard a thing since you dropped them off and then they accept you as a mate and you spend the next days in the fucking bliss and agony that is heat and rut. And then they slip away before you can get to know them, and refuse every smaller or larger thing you send to try to get their attention.” He paused, and looked at you. You didn’t understand.

“Are you saying I should be sorry for him? To feel pity because I didn’t latch onto him like a good omega would, like a tick catching a cat?” Anger bubbled up in your chest, and for once Farlan didn’t back down from you. His eyes flared blue when he met yours in resistance, and the usual shy, reserved self beneath his extroverted, shimmering personality pulled back to reveal he was still alpha as well.

“No. I’m not saying that and I don’t mean that. Of course you shouldn’t run after him like the stereotypical omega from hundred years ago. But you completely blocked him off the past two weeks, you didn’t give him a single chance to-“

“But I don’t want to, Farlan! I don’t want a relationship, I’m perfectly fine with you, here, with this flat and my friends and-“ Farlan’s blue gaze, his alpha shining through, rested on your face.

“Then tell him. Turn the tables and go to where he works, and then clearly state what you want, if you know it that well. Not only does that not leave him room for interpretation, but it might clear things up between you and your feelings, too. I don’t... I can’t say more to this right now. Sorry.” He folded the napkin he had placed on his lap and rose, leaving for the bathroom.

You were still sat on the couch, a bit dumbfounded, and stared into the thin air where he had been moments ago.

Would it really be that easy? A small feeling fluttered in your chest, something like hope, or doubt.

Would it really be that simple? Just... going to his place of work, telling him no?

 

Sleep didn’t come easy that night, or the nights to follow, leaving you wondering about what you felt, words to describe it. But eventually you assembled a few, phrased them into a sentence, more than one, and eventually – you were ready. As far as one could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo boy get ready for the kick down in the next chapter, because you're a queen who needs no man and is a warrior goddess born to slay the world in her heels.  
> u go, @whoever reads this ♥


	9. Chapter 9

The doors to the police department swung open and you imagined you could smell a faint trace of his scent before your eyes focused on the front desk and the person sitting there.They stared at you, features not set on an expression but clearly not knowing what to make of you.

Granted, in the dark pencil skirt, light blouse and high heels you felt very much out of place in this rather gruff surrounding. As it was clear you were heading for them, they put down the pencil they’d been twirling between their fingers and put on a serious face. People parted in front of your stride.

“Hello. I’m here to see Erwin Smith, may I ask on which floor his department is?” It was polite but strong, something that made the beta grab a visitor’s pass off the side. They scanned your ID, and after handing you the pass nodded towards the elevators.

“Third floor. You’re gonna have to ask for him there again. Make sure not to lose your badge.” You flashed a toothless smile and waltzed past them and into the lift.

When the doors slid open on the right floor, you exited and looked around before spotting a similar desk like downstairs, this time set with an alpha. Heads turned when you walked past, staring, but it took the alpha behind the counter a little longer than everyone else to notice you. You were forced to clear your throat for the man to break his conversation with another worker, whose eyes had met yours several times by now.

“Excuse me, Mister?” A polite, but tight smile graced your lips. The meaning behind your visit lay heavy on your shoulders, and at the same time had made your steps wide and airy before. After a long moment the male finally turned away from the other one and acknowledged your presence.

“What do you want here?”

Blunt and unforgiving, you noted. Forcefully suppressing the thought of ‘typical alpha’, you looked at your hands lying on the counter for a moment.

“I’m here to visit Erwin Smith. If you’d be so kind as to point me in the direction of his office...”

“Listen, Lady, without a visitor’s pass of other sign of permit-“

You placed the ID card you had received downstairs on the counter in front of him. The dude closed his mouth and picked it up.

“Alright. Is he expecting you? Do you have an appointment?” His naturally blue eyes narrowed. He didn’t want to let you through, it suddenly dawned on you, didn’t want you to move beyond him and into the offices.

“Please.” You breathed out and placed your hands flat down on the counter top, leaning forward. “I want to talk to Erwin Smith, he said I’d be welcome to do so at any time, so I’m making use of that offer now. If you would be so friendly to point me in his direction, I will no longer be bothering you.” At this underlying, unspoken threat the alpha sat up straighter, eyes glazing wolf-blue for a second, an inaudible growl curling his lips.

“Lady. My job is it to keep everyone in their place, which means that I have to keep everyone out of here that looks like they’re pestering someone. Why don’t you take a seat over there, and we’ll get the Commander to affirm your request, yeah?” He looked directly into your eyes and you felt your own light up. Your omegan nature told you to back down, bare your throat, _submit_ , but every ounce of willpower you could muster manifested in resistance. The anger about Erwin dropping by your work, about sending flowers and chocolate, the fact he wouldn’t stop even after you had sent the flowers and everything else back, untouched. The weekend, the _event_ that had started this all, the unwanted tug inside your soul, and now this. It all transformed into an energy powerful enough to mirror the alpha’s threatening stare. His eyes shone bright blue again as he tried to scent you, forehead crinkling as his nose betrayed him, confusion on his face as he saw the purple of omega in your eyes but your body speaking alpha by behaviour. The uncertainty, something considered weak by most, seemed to only fuel his annoyance. He slowly rose, towering above and leaning forward.

“I’m not saying it again, sit down or I’ll have t-“

“______!” _His_ voice called out.

The guy in front of you blinked and you felt relieved when you turned your head. Erwin was walking towards you, a brown file in his hand, face a mixture of giddy joy and confusion, interlaced with mild aggression as his eyes darted back and forth between you and the male behind the counter.

“Something the matter here, Braun?” Turning to you, he said: “What are you doing here, ______?”

You looked over your shoulder to the guy who had gotten a name and picked up a slight note of fear coming from him. Recognition dawned on his face as he saw the way Erwin treated you; the protective stance, the soft look in his eyes when they rested on you, the involuntary twitch of his arms as he wanted to scent mark you but held himself back. Gears clicked into work behind the bulky alpha in front of you as his eyes alternated between the two people in front of him, and wordlessly, he sat back down.

“Can we talk, please?” You addressed Erwin now. “In private?”

He motioned for you to go first through a door to the side into a spacious room filled with smaller cubicles. “My office is over there.” He pointed in the direction to where a row of brown doors with name tags lined the wall and you confidently marched on, passing cubicles and not taking a single glance at the faces that looked up.

Erwin closed his door behind himself and stayed there for a moment, back leaned against it, admiring the sight of you in those clothes, with a purse over your shoulder and a folded trench coat over your arm. Instinctively he tried to smell you, take a hint of that sweet omega scent, but there was none. All that he could pick up was your perfume and the distinctive, faint scent of another alpha – not another mate, not a partner, more like a brother. To his inner alpha’s dismal it seemed like the bites he had given you had vanished completely, no traces of them left. His unbuttoned collar gave glimpses to the faint marks of teeth still visible at the base of his throat, and he wore them with pride. He began to ask how you had been, when you interrupted his careful attempt at making a conversation. You turned away from the window and faced him.

“Erwin, I need to ask you to stop sending me stuff. It’s getting ridiculous.”

 

All air seemed to be sucked from his body at once as he took in your proud figure, heard the resolute words and yet- “What?”

“Stop sending me flowers and sweets every day, Erwin. I don’t know what I could have, possibly, done to have caught your attention in that way and I don’t know why you’re doing it, and frankly, I don’t particularly care, but please, stop.” He looked hurt now, and your knuckles tensed around the fabric of your coat to stop you from walking over to him, to comfort him.

“I thought...” He began, stammering, grasping the words. “Maybe... your next heat, if you’d like...”

So it was what you had thought. The underlying feeling of a particular goal had been confirmed.

“There will be no next heat. I’m back on my suppressant, and I hope I won’t have to go off them again all too soon. Our mating-“ You stumbled over the word, almost swallowed it. “-was a matter of fact. I needed release, you needed it. No big deal. But it was just that: A mating. Nothing more. So please stop trying to bribe me into another shared heat, with... flowers, a-and chocolate and... that.” It was difficult to say out loud what you had carefully laid out in your head, and you were almost certain you had skipped at least three more sentences, but every other line fled your thoughts as soon as you closed your mouth. It was better this way, you knew it. Heats were annoying, uncomfortable, _unnecessary_. The mating with Erwin had been better than any before, admittedly. But once was enough. Enough.

You forced yourself to look into his blue eyes that didn’t understand. Sadness and confusion radiated from him, his scent wreaking havoc on your omega that wanted nothing more than to drop everything and curl up by Erwin’s side, safe in his arms and snarling at everyone who dared to step too close, shielding him from any harm – even if it had been inflicted by you. You swallowed and forced the glow from your eyes.

“Why?” Was all the brought out. With a few steps he crossed the room and sank down in one of the comfy armchairs in front of the window, looking up to you, knees softly shaking. The impact your voice, your words had on him scared you. He shouldn’t care that deeply about them, about you, didn’t even really knew you. Wasn’t that wrong?

“Please tell me you don’t mean that.” It came out strangled, like he had to fight hard to get out words. “Don’t tell me you can’t feel it.”

He whispered now, heavy and broken, clutching a hand to his heart. Your leg twitched. Nothing more than to comfort him, let him hold you, tell you it was alright. You kept silent and only stared at him.

“Don’t tell me you’re not feeling it. Don’t tell me you don’t want me to be by your side, want me close. Don’t tell me you’re wearing that necklace to hide my scent because it disgusts you.” The last comment surprised you, made you look back when you had previously stared at a spot on the armchair. He seemed to take it as a confirmation and his face fell. One of his hands came up to rest over his scent gland, your own fragrance still mixed inside his. It was weird to smell yourself on a strange alpha, one that was at your feet right now, pleading to be allowed near you.

“Ah, I...” But you didn’t know what to say, so you stopped. Erwin shuffled forward on his seat, until he was right at the edge. He came closer to your body than you thought, and you imagined to feel the warmth radiating off of him.

“Where did the marks go? I know I broke skin more than once, around your neck and... Did they heal already?”

The faster lovebites healed, the less likely it was for the alpha or omega to stay together, they said. Saliva held DNA, and that reacted with blood. You grew uncomfortable, seeing how he still wore the ones you had given him openly, with _pride_ , and you had to keep your hand on your coat to not reach up to where you could still feels his teeth in your skin.

“Make-up.” You blurted out before you could stop yourself. The smallest bit of hopeful light entered Erwin’s eyes and you silently cursed. If you had just told him they were gone already... “But they were barely visible anymore anyway. Didn’t want people at work to talk.” The small light dimmed again and it tugged at your heart to watch.

“Why the necklace.” He hid his face in his hands now, which was both worse and a relief. Relief because his eyes, so full of pain and heartbreak, weren’t resting on you. Worse, because he suffered so much he felt the need to hide.

“Don’t like the scent. Generally. Not only yours but... mine too. It’s easier this way.”

He sighed deeply. It was almost unbearable. You watched with bewildered interest how your body reacted, how your omega reacted, to Erwin. Why you felt such a connection was a miracle to you and you still weren’t sure you liked it at all. Silence pushed on your ears.

The air between you two was thick, and your breathing had gone flat and shallow. Just as you were to take a deep breath to possibly say more, more words that would inevitably hurt him the door flew open, excited voices blubbering up clear and loud. You looked over and saw a female and a shorter male, alpha and omegan, unmated, in the door. The little blond omega’s eyes flared pastel lilac as the scent Erwin was emitting reached his nose. You involuntarily moved forward, to step in between Erwin and this unknown boy that dared to show his wolf’s eyes here and now, and the alpha next to the little one had a hand on his arm quickly.

“Sorry Erwin.” Came the voice from the female, her eyes shining as she alternated looking at you and the hastily risen form of the alpha behind you. “Shall we wait outside or...?”

“No.” You spoke up, certainty in your voice. This would be your chance to get away, and you weren’t going to let it slide. All that had to be said had been done. “No please, don’t bother. I was just leaving anyway.”

Without another look back you fled the room, going as fast as you could in your current footwear.

 

Hanji turned back from the door, momentarily speechless. One of her hands was halfway raised, pointing at thin air.

“...that was her. Wasn’t it? Your omega! ...______?”

Erwin groaned and slumped back into his previous position, completely rid of any tension now.

 

* * *

 

 

You arrived back home, darkness surrounding you. Once you were through the door and had switched the lights on in your shared flat – Farlan must’ve been out again – you slipped off your heels, placed your purse in a corner to the side and released your hair from its tight ponytail. The mirror on the wall depicted an exhausted face, the hair a mess. Your eyes caught on the necklace still winding around your throat. All by themselves your fingers came up and undid the clasp, and as soon as the stones stopped touching your skin the smell surged up and surrounded you.

Erwin.

Only Erwin.

You inhaled deeply, closed your eyes and trembled. It was far from as fresh as the day it had come into contact with your glands, of course, but it was still there, still noticeable among your own fragrance. The lovebites all over your body softly stung in synch with your heartbeat. With pressed lips you pulled the collar of your shirt aside and rubbed at the cover of makeup. After a moment there was the familiar discolouration, almost glowing in the lighting, visible through the paint.

“Why him.” You whispered to yourself. But deep down you knew why.

Every little detail, visible to the conscious eye or not, made it clear he was _good_ \- would be _good_ for anyone that would be his partner. He was strong; he seemed like the perfect alpha. And only for you, a small, small voice whispered into your ear. He’s yours, only yours. Something pulled on your heart, tugged viciously, painfully and strong, and you covered your mouth to stop the whine that came from your chest. The ache was too bad, bending you over, making you unable to stand tall and inhale air without problem. Your eyes jumped from one thing to another, desperately searching for something to occupy yourself with, to momentarily forget about the distress your heart was in. With staggering steps you entered the kitchen and pulled open the door to the fridge. Minutes later you sat on the floor, back pressed against the now again closed door, tears threatening to spill. It was horrifying how much you wanted him, now that you had denied him; it scared you how much your life seemed to depend on his presence in it. If he would have been at your doorstep right now, you knew you wouldn’t have been able to say “No” a second time. But he wasn’t, and after an hour on your kitchen floor the heartache thinned.

You wiped down the kitchen counter to keep busy, turned up music too loud to drone your thoughts out and forcefully kept your mind blank. Even though you knew it’d be of little use you showered and used your whole repertoire of scented shower gels, applying generously over the patches of skin that would not stop emitting those bits of fragrances that made you take deep breaths in attempts to scent him. You even tried Farlan’s gels, smelling like roses and lavender, and rubbed it in until your skin began to burn from the vicious scrubbing. Your fingers still held a trace of febreeze with which you had doused the rooms you had been in without the protective jewellery, and you tugged them under your blanket to not smell them constantly. The bed seemed too large and empty as you curled up in it, offered space for another one, only one, your al-

With a groan you pushed your head into the cushions. He wasn’t your alpha, he was a stranger you had barely met nor gotten to know well, anyone could have him. Anyone could... The small blond omega in Erwin’s office came to your mind. His wide eyes had been sparkling, the blond hair kept in a lose bun at the back of his neck, shining. It had been so obvious, judging from his body-language, that he had a crush on his Commander. It was almost comical how oblivious Erwin was to the younger one’s admiration, as he had completely ignored him. You had to remind yourself you knew next to nothing about their relationship; who knew if Erwin hadn’t already told the little guy off? But then he wouldn’t have been so at ease stepping into the same room with him. At the same time it would make so many things easier if that little blond would want to lay claim to Erwin, would intervene, would try to get between him and you. The way he had looked when the unknown alpha female had busted the door open... You tried to tell yourself it had been negative surprise and not awe or something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I daresay I overcame the writer's block that kept me from continuing on this mess, so here's to another chapter. I'm also slowly curving to the point I ultimately want to get to; so there's that.  
> Luckily I'm still 20 pages ahead of posted work ':D


	10. Chapter 10

Miles away Erwin Smith paced in his home, hands clasped behind his back and his chest heaving. His feelings alternated between raging anger and a sense of utter loneliness.

He had started from his balcony’s open door, into his bedroom to the bed, then back out the door, into the kitchen around the table there and back out towards the balcony. He must have walked it a dozen times before a knock sounded on his door. Peeking through the spy in it, he recognized his neighbour Jean. He took a moment to breathe and calm down before he unlocked and opened.

“Hey man, not wanting to intrude on anything, but are you okay?” The omega’s face was concerned, and the way he had stuffed his hands into his pockets suggested he was deeply uncomfortable. Erwin was half-way through forming an explanation when he took a breath and smelled something he had neither expected nor thought to ever find on one of his neighbours. Scent, _your_ scent, here, now... It was faint, probably days old and buried underneath a myriad other layers of scents, but his more than usual sensitive nose could still make it out.

“You... I... Don’t worry.” Was all he brought out before he shut the door and stumbled away from it. He fell on the way to his couch and couldn’t get up again, his limbs betraying him in the most basic way, and he clenched his fists frustrated. Over and over he saw the scene in his head; you, standing in his office, looking so graceful in your work-attire, the way you had confidently strode before him, the many admiring eyes that had followed the both of you until he had shut his door and kept them out. Your tense shoulders when you had told him off, when you had made it clear you didn’t feel the same about him. And he wondered, if the bond that was so clearly there for him was a one-sided thing only, if you really didn’t feel it at all. Then why was he? Why should he suffer while you could walk away just fine? It wasn’t fair. And now he was lying on his floor, curled up like he was a pup again and the mean kids at school had told him bad things about his mom, his dad that was away... The strong, grown alpha was reduced to mourning, silently cursing himself and his heart for choosing that omega, for nature itself to have dedicated him to a person that didn’t want him. That had rejected him, made him see just how awfully pushy and rude he had been in what he had thought to be nice gestures.

_Gods, I was being such a jerk, harassing her_ , it sounded in his head, and there was nothing he could do to stop feeling waves of anxiety and guilt crash over him, burying him, making him feel worthless for failing.

 

His eyes were still thicker than usual when he rolled out of bed the next morning, and his joints ached from sleeping in on the floor for hours before he had been able to rise and fall between the covers. He managed to get into the shower; the world outside painfully bright, but refused to call in sick for work.

Nobody dared to enter his office for days until Hanji tentatively knocked around twelve on the third day and peeked her head in.

“I got you Thai soup, Big E.” He tore his eyes from his screen saver that had been active for a while now and stared at her. The female sounded feeble, like she had done a great wrong and was now sorry about it; so very different from usual. Without bothering for a reply he turned his eyes back to the screen, resting his chin in one of his hands, momentarily having lost his train of thought.

“Jeez, Erwin.” Hanji mumbled and entered, closing the door behind herself. She set the takeaway food down in front of his nose, and crossed her arms over her chest. When Erwin’s stomach rumbled in a response to the smell of food, she smirked. “You need to eat, man.”

She nudged him with a plastic spork, so long until he very slowly moved a hand and took it. Defeated, he began to spoon the soup.

“Did you talk with Dr. Ral about this?” The fellow alpha asked, still standing above him and watching with something like gentle care how he took in his food. Erwin shook his head. Instead of replying to that, the woman simply nodded and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. She plucked the metal sign from its position and toyed with it absently, her eyes staring out the window.

“Please set it down.”

Hanji’s eyes flickered to Erwin’s face, though the other alpha wasn’t looking at her but poking the food in front of him. She stopped fiddling with the sign and turned it around. On the inside of the folded metal was a personal gravure. She knew what the words read, and yet she let her eyes run over them once more before gently setting it back on its designated place.

 

_For Erwin Smith. The only idiot worth following. L~’_

 

“How’s therapy going.”

He lowered his eating utensil and looked at her.

“Not now, Hanji. Please.”

She nodded and soon stood up, leaving him behind as it became clear he didn’t want company right now.

 

* * *

 

 

As you approached work the next day you pulled your phone out of your purse, where it had been since the afternoon before – carelessly forgotten and buried under a thin shawl. As you tapped the screen on your heart did a little plunge into your lower regions when the message of four missed calls, all from unknown numbers, plopped up. It had to be Annie, you thought, it had to be, and you had missed her. You silently cursed, but trying to call her back would be futile. Your purse was unceremoniously dumped behind your desk as you power-walked to the elevators and resolutely pushed the button for the IT-floor.

The sudden charge of confidence got a dent when you got told by the same guy as last time – today with a black beanie on his head – that Annie had called in sick today, and you were forced to go back down with no news whatsoever about your friend. It had been days since the last contact between the two of you, and now that you had missed her and she wasn’t at work- Worrying about her made you almost forget about the pain that had settled in your chest.

It kept you company the next days, never lessening, never growing, just sitting there and pressing on your nerves until your temples pulsed in time with your heartbeat.

When you went out with a few friends on Friday, they noticed something was off. Between beers and cocktails, Lynne stopped giggling over a joke Ilse had told Marco, which had caused the omega to face-palm. Her eyes latched onto you, and after another sip of her colourful drink she nudged your shoulder with hers.

“Hey. Do you want to catch some fresh air outside?”

You gave her a long look, and behind the slight blush on her cheeks her eyes were still glinting consciously. Even though she behaved carefree, she was still far from drunk. You nodded. Both of you rose in unison and she patted Nac on the shoulder, leaned down and whispered something in his ear before following you outside.

While she lit a cigarette you kicked small stones around the backyard of the pub you had gone to. “Come on, tell me. What’s bothering you? You’re not usually this tense when we move out to stray around the blocks.”

She took a drag and the end of the small thing between her fingers gleamed bright orange.

“It’s stupid, really...” You rested your butt against a barrel with wood for the old-fashioned hearth inside and pushed your hands into your pockets.

“I wanna know. Try me.”

When you looked up at her she was smiling, honest, truly interested. You sighed. Lynne was such a down-to earth person, truthful and loyal, friendly and attentive – a pleasant spirit who was always nice to be around.

“So you know how I always suppress?” Your eyes were fixed on a point way above Lynne’s head. The woman was listening with her head tilted, staring at the floor while her cigarette let a small line of smoke rise skyward. She nodded.

“Well.” You huffed. “Had to go off the meds for a while, went to a shelter. Met an alpha.”

Her eyes sparked up from the ground. A knowing smile played around her lips, but she kept quiet. “And?”

“And...” You drew out the word. “He wouldn’t stop sending me flowers and sweets, and now I told him to go screw himself.”

“And you’re not sure if that was the right thing to say?” She stubbed out the cigarette. You shook your head.

“I’m pretty sure it _was_ the right thing to do. I’m just... there’s this annoying, _ache_...”

Without wanting to you clutched a hand over the ribs where your heart was beating below, your eyes glazing over. After a moment they focused on Lynne again. Her eyes were calculating and her fingers toyed with the pack of cigarettes.

“And you really don’t like him? Is he some kinda bitch or...?”

You sighed. “That’s the problem. As far as I know he’s the _embodiment_ of perfection.”

Lynne got out another cigarette and lit it. “You know there’s no shame in going for an alpha. He does sounds like he’s got a stick up his butt, but shake things up a bit, take him for a run, see what he’s like when both of you are sober and not drunken on pheromones. Or, y’know, don’t.”

You huffed. “I already told him no, what’s it going to look like when I crawl back to him now?” Lynne wrinkled her nose at the expression you had used.

“Tell him your bitch of a friend wants you to have an actual date and won’t give you your purse back until you ask him.”

You looked at her, silent. After a heartbeat Lynne leaned forward and slowly took the string of the small satchel off your shoulder and placed it at her feet before lifting an eyebrow and taking a drag of her cigarette. Laughter bubbled in your chest at her ridiculous action, but it didn’t get past your lips. Doubt still darkened your eyes.

“That ache.” The playful glint in the others eyes had burned out, and now her eyes were on the ground and her tone quiet. “What’s it feel like?”

Words were so very insufficient to describe it, you found, and yet you tried to grasp a few that would come close.

“Pulling... Just, kind of, _there_ , you know... Like I just lost... something, or... someone very slowly pulls out a long hair from within my chest.” She nodded but didn’t clarify further why she had asked.

 

Shortly after you went back inside, into the air thickened with spices and herbs and scents, back to alcohol and company and laughter, and you could forget about your situation for a moment. But the small voice that said ‘What if’ was still somewhere in the back of your head when you curled up next to Farlan that night, seeking his company like so many nights before, and when he rolled over and placed an arm over your middle you were too tired to pay much attention to how something inside you couldn’t fully settle down.

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn’t so bad, Erwin found. Once he was settled into his favourite spot on Dr. Ral’s couch, and she was opposites him, the sun shining through the windows and drawing patterns of hot air on the floor – it wasn’t so bad.

That’s what he told her, but he knew it was more for himself than for her. The little tilt her head did let him know she was aware of that, too.

“Do you have any reflections by now? Things you might do different the next time?”

He wrinkled his nose at the assumption there would be a next time.

“I don’t know if-“ He began, but stopped himself. “Hypothetically speaking?”

A small smile played around her lips. “Hypothetically.”

He cocked his head to one side and thought for a moment.

“I feel bad for getting her address and sending her all this crap. My grandfather would be proud, I guess, but...” Erwin laughed dryly. Petra kept silent, waiting for him to continue. “It was like a punch in the stomach when she told me to stop. I, I didn’t consider- I was so blind in wanting to get her to like me, I didn’t see the possibility of her not wanting it, not even liking me to begin with.”

The eyes of the woman on the other couch were deep and held no answer to his unspoken questions.

“Do you think she doesn’t?”

Erwin’s head snapped up from where he’d been staring at the floor, and his eyebrows twitched closer in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“Did it seem like she didn’t like you? Or do you just want her to not like you?”

He stared at his therapist and tried to go back in his memory, to recall every interaction, back to when he had first found you.

“Eh- I don’t- I always had the impression she-...” He broke off, remembering the warm spark of affection that had fallen into his stomach after you had allowed him to pick you up. Both of you had been vulnerable at that time, in a way; you in some ways more than him, and he still felt honoured you had chosen him to carry you to safety. He was at a loss for words as he replayed that precious memory, the feeling of being _needed_ \- and not in any sexual way. He knew you had needed him there, even if you hadn’t been aware of it. The hairs on the back of his neck rose at the thoughts of what a group of alphas, less inclined to be polite and helpful, could have done had they found you there, but at the same time he questioned what made him so attached to you from there on. Had it been the primal need to _protect_ , keep someone safe who had needed protection in a split second of their life? He didn’t understand the ache in his chest, didn’t understand the bond, and he told Petra that he couldn’t wrap his head around all of this.

“The practice of ‘bonding’ is something a few colleagues I studied with focus their work on, but it’s needles in haystacks between the myths and tales passed down families and physical, medical proof. I don’t know much about it, I’ll admit, but I do know you dwell on it too long. It’s something that happens, but you shouldn’t let it dictate your actions. It’s also not a one-time only experience, if it helps. A refused bond is not a sore spot that never closes, Erwin, no matter how much it might seem so now.”

Petra had let him talk more about his thoughts and feelings on the rare interactions he had had with you, but when the time was up he didn’t feel any different than before. He was well aware this, too, would take time to process, and looking back on how much he had progressed with her help after Levi’s accident – it let him hope. Erwin smiled at Christa, sat at the computer by the door, and took his leave. In the elevator going down he thought about how he had never seen another client of Petra’s during his times of arrival or leaving for the first time. She seemed capable enough, so it must have been Christa’s talent for planning that made a meeting between clients unlikely. Not that he was complaining. He could smell them when he entered, faint traces underneath the room spray meant to neutralize pheromones, and sometimes he thought he’d smelled the same scent when someone passed him on the street, but he couldn’t be sure, of course. It gave the office an air of mystery, a sense of secrecy, to know only one therapist and her receptionist.

The stairs to his flat made his calves burn, and when he hung his jacket next to the door he remembered he’d forgotten to make a grocery run earlier that week. Reluctantly he shrugged back into the worn leather and had just closed his door when his neighbour’s front door opened and the two omegas left their apartment as well. Their chat, whatever they’d been talking about, died down and they politely greeted him. Erwin caught Jean eyeing him suspiciously, and managed a smile that wasn’t entirely facade, and the omega seemed to be satisfied.

In a sudden burst of loneliness threatening to overwhelm him, he asked them “You’re not by chance heading to the stores, are you?”

Marco looked over his shoulder into his general direction but quickly turned his head back front as to not trip and fall down the flight of stairs.

“No... going to a friend’s. Why? Do you need something?” It was a bearable pinprick, expected and not really hurting, and Erwin shrugged.

“Was just wondering if you need anything. Alright, have fun!”

He went on in the opposite direction of the couple when they stepped out into the evening, and with his hands in his pockets he marvelled again at the street he had moved in on. The shop at the corner of the road was still open, thankfully, and on his way back he really appreciated the fact it was not raining.

The sun painted beautiful, intense colours in the sky, the clouds like small flecks of violet in it. That evening he ate on his balcony, savouring the fresh air the wind blew over the rooftops, and after some initial doubt he brought his sheets and pillow out and rearranged the bench in a way it’d allow him some shelter from the slightly overhanging roof should it rain nevertheless the stunning, mostly cloud-free hours.

Something awoke him late at night; the much cooler air and scent of rain making him shiver, and he tapped inside still half-asleep before collapsing on his bed.

When his alarm went off he simply rolled over and shut it off, having been lying awake for a few minutes already. He arrived at work precisely three minutes before eight, and found a memo on his desk calling him to the Commissioner upstairs ASAP. On his way back out and towards the elevators he ran into a sleep deprived Hanji, who blankly stared at him with a thermos in her hand before turning around, muttering something about ‘definitely wrong floor’ and taking the stairs leading down.

He was still sipping his own mug of strong tea when he knocked on Mike’s door and the male called for him to enter. Three heads turned when he carefully opened the wooden door, and he recognized Mike, Pixis and another guy in a suit that had a sour look on his face.

“Ah, Erwin, finally! What a pleasant surprise to see you bright and early.” Pixis chuckled before burying his nose in his own cup of coffee, his twinkling eyes glinting over to the suit-guy that seemed barely able to hide an eye-roll.

“Morning, Sir. Mike.” Erwin nodded, before focusing his eyes on the third guy, extending his hand. “Good morning. My name is Erwin Smith, I’m lead-“

“Yeah, yeah.” A harsh gesture cut him off and the blond alpha closed his mouth. “I know who you are, and we have more important things to do. Commissioner, if we could continue?”

The twinkle in Pixis’ eyes lessened, and the lines around his eyes deepened. “Erwin, meet Keith Shadis. He’s our supervisor in operation Lord, which we’ll brief to you now. As it is, we will need your expertise in planning a strike team and leading a frontal attack.”

Erwin expected ice to fall into his stomach, remembrance of the last time he had coordinated such an operation. Expected his feet to grow heavy, his limbs unmoveable – but no such thing. His attention focused, and with cool calculation he scanned the papers Mike handed him while the drawl of Shadis, occasionally interrupted by Pixis, fed him more information. Bit by bit Erwin’s mind consumed every fact that he could, and when Mike called for a coffee break around eleven, he stretched his back and felt fresh energy flooding his system. He remembered why he had chosen this job, what had made his passions flourish and why he had made it out ranked first out of the academy. When he left work that day nightfall was upon the city and the omega with the violet fire was gone from his mind. Only when he curled under his blanket and brought his wrists up to his nose was he reminded of your existence, but after a short moment he resolutely buried them under another layer of sheet. Sleep wove fingers through his consciousness.

 

* * *

 

 

“It was so lovely of you to come over and keep me company.” You beamed at the two omegas in your door, and they mirrored your smile.

“It was lovely to have an evening to only us omegas again after all this time.” Marco leaned down and hugged his arms around your shoulders, and after you had glared at Jean over his bondmate’s shoulder he joined in a group hug.

The soothing, calm scent of _happy_ filled your nose, and you almost laughed. You didn’t notice at first but slowly you three sank to the ground, until you were lying in a heap over another, giggling and trying to hold on to each other, until Jean tried to poke Marco and accidentally caught your side, eliciting a shriek out of you. You knew why so many still had the image of the playful, docile, sometimes even childish omega in their heads – but they’d never know how relaxing it was to play around like this, to just be yourself and not fear differences in status.

The flat seemed awfully quiet when the two boys had finally left, but the happy mood didn’t subside quite as fast. You busied yourself with clearing out the trash your little meet-up had left behind and were sorting plates back into their respective cupboards when your phone went off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one, I guess :3  
> Please don't hesitate to tell me what you loved most, where you thought I fucked up etcetera!
> 
> I love to read your comments.


	11. Chapter 11

Deciding it was time for a little break you allowed yourself to be distracted and sat down at the kitchen table to see who had texted you. It was Lynne.

‘ _News from that Alpha?_ ’

‘ _No_ ’ you typed back. After another moment, you added:

‘ _How are things with you?_ ’

‘ _Don’t change the topic :P_

_I’m splendid_

_Nac is a qt ^-^_

_Did you think about asking him on a real Date?_ ’

You hadn’t, but reading her suggesting it put a weird feeling in your stomach.

‘ _Not really_ ’ You confessed.

‘ _Do you even have his number?_ ’

You bit down on your lip and wrinkled your nose at the same time.

‘ _...no_

 _Didn’t ask for it whenever I saw him._ ’

Lynne went offline and you got up to empty the dishwasher completely and put the freshly used plates inside.

When you came back to your chat she hadn’t written anything else, so you locked your phone again and went over to Farlan’s room. Standing in the door and seeing his unmade bed, untouched since yesterday, made you worry slightly. It wasn’t like Farlan to stay away so often without giving some sort of notice beforehand or during his time of absence. Then again, maybe he was currently entangled with a very demanding partner and simply forgot.

You fished the worn clothes from the floor of his room and collected them in a basket before heading downstairs to throw them in the washing machine alongside yours.

 

* * *

 

 

Erwin lost track of time again. One week passed and the next time he looked on his calendar it showed him that it had been three months already.

Operation 'Lord' consumed all of his attention, energy and wits, but he was more than willing to give it his best. This was something important, and Mike had explained the true depths of the operation to him over coffee in his sun-flooded office a few days after the briefing with Shadis. He could get behind it and it was a welcome way to ignore the heartache still pounding in his chest. The target was a high-ranking individual in one of the cities’ biggest corporations, and collecting information and proving his doing as a criminal was slow and exhausting. Erwin had been put in charge to plan out observation shifts, to track down and follow the target’s every move, assign undercover police agents to find out more about every behaviour, every twitch of the man’s finger. They had a person on the inside who had reluctantly reached out to them and only after receiving confirmation they were on their side had handed over some of the proof they were now building their charges on in secret.

Erwin didn’t know the source’s identity, had never met with them personally or spoken to them, but silently applauded them for their bravery. Surely it wasn’t easy to open up about something that could potentially destroy a huge corporation, it was too easy to get caught in the crossfire and be dragged down with it. Which was why they moved so carefully, every step calculated and every action planned into detail as best as they could. Everything so they wouldn’t kick loose a pebble and cause an avalanche.

The agents that had last been on observation duty silently waited before him, refusing to sit, while he looked through their report.

“’No special remarks’?” He lifted an eyebrow and looked up at the lanky guy, Berthold, who had his hands behind his back and was beginning to sweat under the scrutinizing gaze. The boy swallowed.

“No, Sir. The target went into the club, as predicted, and didn’t come out until roughly half past two. The only other exit we know of was under watch as well, and they didn’t notice the target leaving before the noted time, either.”

“He’s stalling.” Drawled the other present agent, and Erwin shifted his gaze from Berthold to his senior partner. “By now he probably caught the whiff that there’s something going on, I’m telling you. If we don’t move soon our covers will be blown.”

The taller junior partner shuffled his feet uncomfortably and Erwin sensed the dread his partner’s words caused. He narrowed his eyes at the experienced agent.

“I’d rather not have you discourage our youngest members, Nile. Keep your doubts to yourself and your supervisors, please. As for your concern: I can assure you our target isn’t suspecting anything as far as we know. Our source informed us he was active in both of his jobs as per usual, so just sit back and wait for your time to come.”

The brunet didn’t seem convinced; his jaw was set tight and his posture still stiff. Erwin rose and suddenly they were at eye level. He noticed the unhappy frown on Nile’s face and the knot in his gut softened as he recognized the concealed worry.

“Nile.” The man refused eye-contact and instead had focused his gaze on a point behind Erwin’s shoulders.

“Nile. I know I can’t promise you that this’ll be over soon, but please focus on your work. We really do rely on you guys the most.” Erwin quickly glanced at Berthold, and the younger one nodded curtly. Nile held up his facade for a moment longer before his shoulders dropped the smallest bit and his face became more tired than angry. The change was miniscule and yet Erwin could see it clear as day. A small smile came on his lips, and he slapped the other one on the shoulder heartily.

He returned behind his desk and rearranged the reports that had been given to him and then looked up to dismiss them. He caught Nile watching him from under his eyelashes, his head dipped down. An unreadable expression flashed over the fellow’s face.

“Just hope you know what you’re doing, Chief.” Nile rumbled, voice deep and quiet.

Erwin had no problem in looking strong, he had faith in his own work and he did his best to transfer it to the people he worked with. He had never liked to think about his collegues as mere pieces on a chess board, he valued them as people, which was why Nile and Berthold were standing here now instead of just their reports lying on his desk. Nile had never been fond of Erwin, hadn’t liked his quick ascend to the top, but him using the word ‘Chief’ while talking to Erwin always indicated his seriousness. He used it to give his words a deeper meaning that usually went over the heads of other people present, and Erwin lost the smile on his face. Nile was placing his trust in Erwin, willingly gave his life into his hands, and the blond knew, accepted in this moment that this was not another game of theirs. Nile had a bondmate at home, children to return to. Yet they both remembered the last mission that had been this huge, both knew what had been at stake and that they had all paid dearly.

“I do, Dawk.”

Nile kept looking at him for a moment longer, but the venom was gone from his eyes. When he turned and headed for the door, Berthold threw Erwin a quick look. The blond nodded and the Junior Agent went after his partner, respectfully closing the door behind himself. After they were gone Erwin sat down in his chair and swivelled around to have the door in his back and see out of the window.

He knew it wasn’t easy for those who were out there on a daily basis. He was responsible for all of them, after all, and Nile was right somehow. It would be better if they could move faster, could plan their attack and take those who intended harm down sooner. The longer this continued the more it’d wear everyone out, and Nile would just be one of many who blew their frustration through mouthing off at him. He wished he could have more, more information, more proof, anything to make them legally able to strike. Their source had contacted them in the morning again, had told them of new files they had hidden on another USB stick somewhere at a busy location, and their team of IT specialists were still wrapped up in decoding it. He hoped it’d be of use; otherwise they’d have to momentarily pause the operation. It had been going on too long without results, and even though Mike knew what was at stake Pixis didn’t make it easy for them.

In the end, money was what counted, and they were running out of it.

 

* * *

 

 

When he returned to his desk two days after Nile’s last report Erwin was unhappy. The files their source had handed over had held little to no useful info, and Pixis was cutting them off their budget. As it was, until something happened now, their hands were bound.

Lunch with Hanji had been satisfying, though; They had employed new staff in the cafeteria, and since then the meals there were actually delicious. It was still food cooked for many, but it had flavour and the consistency wasn’t all bad and gooey. He unconsciously rubbed a hand over his stomach and picked up his phone to silence the reminder for the weekly therapy session that went off, and after he had shut it the lockscreen showed two messages from an unsaved number. He clicked on them.

‘ _Hi Erwin, it’s _______._ ’

His eyebrows twitched close together and he exhaled. He cautiously felt around his insides, for any sharp edges prodding his chest, but found there were none. He read on.

‘ _I wanted to know if you’d be up to meet sometime? I’d like to grab a coffee or so._ ’

The second message wasn’t much longer.

‘ _If you’re wondering, I asked the Shelter for your number because I didn’t know another way to contact you, in case you want to decline._ ’

He leaned back in his chair and took another deep breath. Clicking his phone shut and placing it back on his desk, he thought about it.

Erwin still didn’t feel particularly upset by the proposition, but he also didn’t want to agree to something he might regret later on. He decided it had time until after his therapy session, and immersed himself in reading through the reports again in search of useful hints he might’ve overlooked the first time. The messages kept bouncing around his head during the time he tried to focus, though, and after a while he was just staring at the pages instead of reading the words. He wanted to know how he felt about the idea of meeting you again, he really did, but all he felt whenever he turned his attention inwards was nothingness. He left for Dr. Ral’s office not all too long after and avoided checking his phone.

It wasn’t the first thing they spoke about while he coloured a mandala she gave him, but he turned their conversation towards that direction after he was half-way done filling in the tiny blanks between the lines. They agreed for him to say yes for now, to decide on a time to meet and then see further how everything developed. Erwin left the doctor’s office with slightly mixed feelings and pulled up the chat with you in the elevator ride downstairs. He carefully typed out the words before reading over them once more and hit send.

The air outside was warm and the cicadas in the small patches of grass surrounding the trees sung. He hadn’t even reached his train station when his phone chimed with a new message. He forcefully ignored it until he stepped inside his flat and had kicked off his shoes.

‘Saturday works fine with me. See you at 1’

No emoji, no exclamation mark – then again, his own answer had been pretty flat, so he wasn’t surprised. You had left it to him to pick a place, and he had settled on lunch for the following weekend at a place Nanaba had recommended. He felt strangely thrilled after the days’ experiences, and brought up the will to the make some chicken with seasoned sauce and rice. Erwin ate on his balcony, looking over the rooftops touched in the colours of the evening and felt it was easier to breathe.

Maybe a break in the investigations wasn’t the worst idea.


	12. Chapter 12

You stepped through the door of the low-key fancy looking café, roughly five minutes before one pm on Saturday. There was almost no need to search for the alpha you’d be meeting; the place wasn’t crowded and you hadn’t had the illusion he would run late.

He looked up from the menu in his hand as you approached, and there was a polite smile on his features. You weren’t really sure what you should have expected of someone in his position, but felt grateful that he was not angry.

Not obviously, anyway.

“Hey.” You smiled at him, shyly, and hung your purse over the chair’s back before shrugging out of the jacket. You caught Erwin briefly looking up to you and got the impression he might have helped you out of it. In another situation. You slid into the chair and flashed him another quick smile before picking up the menu yourself. Looking over the green pages with stylized fruits and vegetables decorating it you couldn’t really grasp half the names of the various meals that were displayed there. By chance you glanced up and caught him watching you over the orange flower in the middle of the table that was adorned by salt and pepper dispensers, as well as a stand for the menus. You got lost in the deep, natural blue, and it was difficult to look away.

“Picked anything yet?” Focusing on the menu again, you avoided further eye-contact, clenching your fingers around the paper.

“No.” He simply said, and it sounded resigned. He made no attempts to take another look at the available dishes, and as a waitress came over he just waved at her.

“Rude.” You remarked, with a playful note in your voice, making a point in looking over the list of available drinks. “How could you tell I didn’t want anything?”

You could see him moving out of the corner of your eyes, how he leaned forward, and it became difficult to read again.

“Why am I sitting here?”

That prompted your to raise your eyes again. Only then did you see that he hadn’t even gotten out of his jacket, was perched on the edge of his seat. One wrong move and he’d be gone, running out the door. The somewhat forced, playful mood you had carried with you fell away at the hard edge in his voice. You folded the card and placed it to the side, finally looking up and holding his gaze.

“I wanted to meet you.” You stated, blinking first. Erwin was unmoving, his face set in an unreadable mood. He looked like he was waiting, waiting for you to make the move after which he’d either run and be gone forever or stay and fight you down. You took another breath. “I, realized... I was being unfair to you. I didn’t want to like you, because I felt so vulnerable when you brought me to the shelter and. I owe you so much.”

He looked down to where his interlaced hands rested below his chin, seeming almost flustered.

“I wanted to say thank you. And apologize I cut you off so harshly. You-, you didn’t deserve that and I’m a selfish jerk.” You took a deep breath and swallowed, feeling like a weight had been lifted from your middle. Almost instantly the fear set in, how Erwin would react, if he’d reject you now – it wouldn’t surprise you, and it would be deserved.

The sounds of the background continued, the clinking of plates and the whirring of the mixer, the chatting of staff and guests – it all continued. Erwin didn’t say anything, and under his prolonged stare you began to grow uneasy. His expression was deliberating, no indication to his feelings.

When he shifted in his seat, leaned his back against his chair and lowered his hands, the whole restaurant seemed to take a breath.

“You’re not wearing your necklace today.” He quietly noted and you blinked in surprise.

So set on how he might think of your words you hadn’t expected something like this, and it caught you more off guard than you’d have liked. Both of your hands were firmly intertwined on the desk pad in front of you, which was probably the only reason your hand had not shot up to feel around your neck after Erwin had mentioned it. It was true, though, the necklaces had been gone from your self for a few weeks now. The last of Erwin’s fragrance had cleared out of your system and you hadn’t felt pressured into hiding your own scent anymore. Farlan had given you complimenting looks the last time he’d been home a little longer.

“I’m not.” Still looking at him with an ounce of doubt, you weren’t fully trusting his calm demeanor. You didn’t want to give into the illusion of being safe and sound just yet; it’d make the shock should he reveal he was vengeful that much greater. He seemed to want to say something but cut himself off, looked at his hands and then back up at you.

“I’m – I’m not mad at you, or something. I don’t want to harm you.” There was more he didn’t say. _Please be at ease, I’m not intending to be a threat_.

There was still a wary part in you that wouldn’t believe him, wouldn’t, no matter what, but you ignored that part. Sitting back in your chair you mimicked his action from before, unclenching your fingers from each other and smoothing them down the front of your clothes. After another breath, the blond alpha dipped his head down and relaxed his shoulders. It was strangely comforting to you, and you felt it easier to come to rest.

“Thank you for what you said.” He started again, and when he looked up he met your eyes. “I did some thinking of my own, too. I realized my way of attempting to get you to like me was outdated and annoying to you, and I’d like to apologize for that. I should have known better than to expect you to like me all of a sudden, just because we-“ He stopped, and to your delight his ears turned a shade of red. Was he embarrassed?

Erwin cleared his throat and furrowed his eyebrows, talking to his own desk pad now. “What I’m trying to say is – I don’t think... I mean... I appreciate you wanting to talk to me and meeting here. But, I- we... don’t feel like we have to continue anything beyond this; I mean we both got to say a few things and it’s already more than I could’ve asked of you. I don’t want you to feel obligated to befriend me now or something, if you don’t want to. Which I got the impression you don’t, and I don’t blame you for that.”

After he was done he waited a few heartbeats longer until he dared to lift his eyes again, but when he did, he found you sitting there with your head tilted, watching him with mild interest. Gradually you didn't feel so sure anymore if it’d be such a good idea to ask him if you could maybe get to know him better. Even though he seemed collected and sure of his words there was a distinct coldness to them, and it all gave off the impression he himself wasn’t so keen on seeing you again. Which, to be fair, you had anticipated to a degree. If you got continually kicked in your feelings, you surely wouldn’t be all too happy about it, either. You swallowed. Even though it felt stupid to just plainly ask, you had let stuff rely on interpretation too much before and weren’t willing to risk it again.

“So, so you wouldn’t want to see me again even if I’d be okay with it?” Did that sound too needy? You weren’t sure but the wide eyes with which Erwin was looking at you now didn’t hold the determination his words had had radiated. The blond blinked a few times, and a sense of nervousity began to rise in your chest again.

“I.” He seemed at a loss for words. “Yes.”

You fully relaxed back into your chair again after having leaned forward in the past minutes, and the disappointment at Erwin’s words was apparently so obvious on your face that the alpha was shocked at what he just said himself. “I mean no! I- ah. I mean, yes, I’d like to see you again, but I didn’t- I thought you wouldn’t want-, so I tried to not get my hopes...”

A sound of resignation left his lips and then he covered his eyes with one of his hands, the other one balled into a fist on the table. A soft chuckle got stuck in your throat as you watched the tall man trying desperately to get out of the pit he had dug himself, and you let him suffer a moment longer before reaching out your own hand and lightly covering his. He froze at the action and lowered his hand from his face, enough so his glowing eyes could take in your hand on his and then flash over to your face. You kept looking at your hand where it rested now, waiting until Erwin could blink and clear his wolf’s eyes from his face. Only when you knew the animal was gone did you raise your eyes.

“Relax. It’s fine. I’m okay with meeting you again sometime, too.” The fingers under your palm relaxed; Erwin turned his hand until it was lying palm upwards underneath yours and he was able to curl his digits into yours. The small, innocent action had a smile blooming on his face he quickly tried to stifle, for reasons you didn’t fully understand.

“Maybe.” You began, looking at your intertwined hands once more, and feeling the anticipation that vibrated through Erwin’s body at the prospect of what you were about to say. Now that you were touching him, with only your fingers, it soothed the sting that had settled into your chest months ago. The contact was all that mattered for a moment, it felt like you had finally be allowed to do something you had been dying to try out for years.

“No.”, you corrected yourself. When you looked up to meet Erwin’s blue eyes fleetingly, you saw the curiosity there, the worry about any untold words he had yet to hear. “We definitely started off on the wrong foot. I’d like to get to know you, Erwin, learn who you are, what you’re like. I’d like to have a second chance, a second start. If that’d be okay with you.”

His fingers momentarily tensed again, but when you looked up this time you saw gentle delight on his face. He bit on his lower lip and carefully ran a thumb over your hand. When you almost pulled your hand from his grasp, he stopped, immediately apologetic. “I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of tricky, you see, it was either one rather long chapter or two shorter ones, so I went for shorter ones.  
> As it is, I'm not sure if I'll be able to update in the next months due to some travelling taking place, so I hope you don't mind!  
> I'll return to this eventually, I love Erwin too much to abandone this fic, but I thought I should let you know.  
> I've read your comments and I love each and every one of them ♥  
> Keep on spreading love under people's fanfics, you do a great job.


	13. Chapter 13

Shortly afterwards Erwin confessed he had never been to this place, and, to be frank, he didn’t find anything on the card that appetizing. To make up for the amount of time you’d been occupying a seat without actually ordering anything you went up to the counter and ordered a triple pink smoothie while Erwin waited a few steps behind you, only coming up to leave a generous tip in the small jar next to the register.

He eyed the reddish liquid in your hand suspiciously, but upon you offering him the cup he politely declined.

The restaurant was in a parallel street of the main shopping district in town, so you followed the winding passageway towards where more people were bustling about. Both of you kept quiet for the moment, but the ground was paved with cobblestones and after your foot had slid from one that stood out from the ground you gently bumped into Erwin’s arm. You were quick to mumble an apology, but not as fast as to prevent him from raising his hand and placing it on your elbow to steady you. After a second in which you looked down to where his hand lay around your arm you mutually lifted your eyes to meet the other ones.

Erwin opened his mouth to apologize himself, but you simply took a step away from him and shook your head. He closed his lips and tried to hide his abashed expression by looking the other way.

Upon rounding the corner that led back out between the shops his arm came in contact with yours again, to which he promptly pulled back and interlinked his hands behind his back so to keep them from accidentally swinging your way again.

It was rather cute, to be honest.

“So.” He was still looking ahead, which gave you plenty of opportunity to appreciate the way the sparse sunlight caught in the longer hairs on the top of his head. “Where do you want to go eat something? In case you still want to grab lunch, after... that.”

He gesticulated to the half-empty cup in your grip, and as if on cue his stomach grumbled rather loudly. You hid a grin behind the cup.

“I don’t know. Can you recommend some more good spots? Otherwise, there’s a McD’s right ahead.”

At the last sentence Erwin visibly relaxed after lifting his eyebrows and clearly having been overwhelmed before. He huffed.

“I’m not good at this stuff. Let’s go in?” He send you an almost pleading look and you couldn’t help but grin at the helpless expression on his features.

You dumped the now empty container in the bin next to the door and held open the glass door for him. He looked mock-crestfallen but gave you a small smile after you had elegantly waved him through.

There was a terminal to the side where one could place an order, but either Erwin hadn’t seen it or he simply ignored it, for he got into the small line waiting. His eyes scanned the menu above the people at work until something caught his attention.

“They’re selling Green Fawn here now?” He wrinkled his nose. You looked up as well, casually taking in the advertisement.

“Yeah. You a fan?”

“Not really.” He seemed to forcefully clear his face off the disapproving expression as he watched a teenager, not older than 16, pass him with a tablet laden with fries, burgers and several cans of the energy drink. “Had a nasty accident after having one or two too much a couple years back.”

His tone wasn’t too grave, so you assumed it had ended well for all involved parties, but your interest was sparked. “Really? What kind of accident?”

Erwin turned his head and glanced down on you, testing. “Accident-accidents. Not something I’m proud of.”

His ears turned red again as he looked ahead, and he bit his bottom lip. You fully turned to him and crossed your arms.

“Erwin Smith, I’m intrigued. I demand to know every nifty little detail.”

Right after the words had left your lips you wished you could take them back. Who were you to _demand_ things from Erwin Smith?! Fear coiled in the pit of your stomach, uncertainty if he’d be offended.

To your relief he only snorted and crossed his arms defensively. “Maybe after I get some spirit-damned food inside me.”

He forcefully kept his face cold, but you could see the way the corners of his mouth twitched. Glad to not have upset him you turned ahead again, actually being forced to think about what to order as the last person in front of you stepped away and you were able to move up to the counter. It took until after a box of chicken nuggets, fries, burgers and drinks for Erwin to keep food long enough out of his mouth to come back to your question. Sadly, the first words out of his mouth weren’t what you had hoped on.

“Do you want a Sundae?”

He neatly stacked the empty boxes into each other after cleaning his fingers with one of the small, packaged wipes.

“Do _you_ want one?” You retorted, pausing from picking the last fries out of your serving. He ran a napkin over the lower half of his face even though there was no reason to. He had eaten very carefully and not smeared ketchup or mayonnaise anywhere. Impressive, really.

He looked like a small boy in the way his eyes lit up at the thought of ice-cream. The sun began to lower, and in the shadow of the houses it got slightly colder.

“I, I could eat one, yeah...” You ate the last fry and tossed a napkin on the tablet. Before Erwin could move out of the spot he had slouched down in, you stood up.

“Where are you going?” He asked, so sudden like he was expecting you to run off. His hands were placed flat down on the table, and his whole body tense, as if preparing to take a mad dash. You hummed a low note.

“I’ll take this back inside. May I?” You took hold of the tablet and Erwin relaxed. He still didn’t look entirely convinced, but ran his hands over his face and rubbed away the doubt that had settled there.

“Sure. Thank you.” He said, and politely smiled up at you.

 

Upon stepping up to the counter you realized he hadn’t specified which flavour he wanted, and it momentarily made you worry. Then again, if he had wanted a certain one he should’ve told you, you kept telling yourself and ordered one with caramel and one with chocolate. When you came back out your spot had been taken by a couple of girls who were eagerly chatting with each other. Erwin stood to the side, basking in the sunlight falling in the street, hands in his pant’s pockets, with closed eyes and a relaxed face. The outline of his tall frame was graced with a touch of golden light, very fitting on the deep brown leather jacket and faded blue pants. Only when you came around and looked up to him did he open his eyes and blink down on you. The smile on his face was less polite, more content, and it was only after you lifted the two cups that his attention shifted to the ice-cream. You saw how his eyes alternated between the dark brown and the light brown one, and after a moment he reached out and gently took hold of the chocolate one. Satisfied, you spooned a decent amount of the warm goo into your mouth and sucked on the spoon.

“Come on,” You said after taking the spoon back out, looking at the tall male beside you. “What did you do when you got high on energy drinks and were young and reckless?”

He tsked and took another spoonful of ice. The cup looked ridiculously small in his large hands, and just watching the hunky guy calmly spooning his treat was quite the sight.

“You know how there’s bridges over train tracks? And how there’s a concrete slide-like thing where staff can get up and down to them?” He plopped another spoonful into his mouth and gave you a knowing look.

“...what did you do?” You repeated, wary to hear more. Something involving ‘train tracks’ and ‘slides of concrete’ couldn’t possibly end well.

“Well.” Erwin swallowed and looked ahead, brows furrowed at the memory. “Few of my friends and me, we got our hands on two six-packs Green Fawn. That was when it was still fresh out, mind you, so the effects weren’t that widely known and the concentration was way higher than now. So, me and my friends, we drank a few cans each, and, y’know, because we were stupid alpha-dickheads wanting to impress the omegas that hung around the skatepark every so often, we decided we could use our boards to ride down those slides next to the bridges and do a jump over the tracks.”

You looked into your cup, lifted your eyebrows and took a deep breath. There was a way in which this was headed that you couldn’t say you were a fan of.

“My best friend of that time went first, and he actually pulled it off. Jumped over the tracks, landed on the other side and was quick enough to step off his board before it hit the other slide. We were all cheering and pushing each other to go next, but naturally we were all scared shitless. So I opted to go next. I got on my board, rolled to the edge and stood there for a moment before one of the bystanders who we didn’t really know came forward. He didn’t push me but I thought he might so I went off, unprepared- My board ended up hitting the tracks and I went flying. Landed pretty rough, still half-way on the tracks, and hit my head pretty badly, and of course there had to be a train approaching at that very moment. I’m still grateful to this day I was able to regain enough consciousness to roll myself out of its way... Otherwise that would have ended nasty.” He rubbed his left hand over his right bicep, probably reliving the moment of lying on those tracks. You silently continued to look at him for a moment longer before focusing your attention back on your little plastic spoon. “But hey. After that all of us had very little motivation to do something like that again.”

Erwin had a wistful look in his eyes as he looked ahead, his lips not fully smiling and not fully frowning. “What about you? You did some reckless shit, too?”

You snorted. “Please. The most reckless shit I ever did was racing my friend to both our moms to complain about her first to not have them put the blame on me.”

Feeling strangely small next to Erwin, not just physical-size wise, you didn’t continue talking. Erwin seemed to have spoken enough as well, for he dumped the empty see-through cup in a nearby bin and then proceeded to walk next to you with his hands in his pockets again. You steered towards the river that split the city into two, and after strolling along the water for a while you spotted a free bench and took a seat. The evening air was warm, the breeze gentle and pleasant, but the ground and object you were sitting on didn’t hold the warmer temperatures and there was an air of early autumn about. Seagulls flew zigzags across the small ripples that were caused by wind and current on the body of water, and pigeons picked for breadcrumbs alongside sparrows by your feet. The whole scenery was very calming, and you relaxed.

 

“Mind if I sit?”

The drift through your thoughts got interrupted when an elderly man, accompanied by evening papers and walking cane, stopped by your bench. Wordlessly nodding and scooting over you made room for the gentleman and found yourself directly next to Erwin. For someone of his size he didn’t take up much room, and yet your thigh came into contact with his. You looked the other way. The old man next to you didn’t smell like much; his aftershave was very prominent but otherwise hid his scent. He looked wealthy enough in his three piece suit, with a neatly kept bow tie and hat. When he shook out the paper with one hand you caught a look at his wrist, exposed by his sleeve slipping back. The thin skin around the wristwatch showed a discolouration, and a sad feeling rose in your chest. It weren’t bondmarks, per se, even though their colour could change over the ages, away from the bright, shining red shortly after the bite to a more burgunder, almost velvety-deep red; but the ones the man sported had a blue, purplish touch. He had a deceased spouse, and the calm way he went about reading his newspaper was, in a way, even more melancholic than...

Than what? You thought, continuing to stare out over the water. Would it have been less sad if he’d sat there, weeping? Or jumping around, being happy and forcefully covering the marks, in order to not see, to not be confronted by them? Even after probably years, by now?

 

A sigh escaped your nose and you saw Erwin’s head flicking around. A shiver ran over your shoulders and you swiftly rose from your spot.

“What’s wrong?” He wondered, staying seated a moment longer but leaned forward on his knees.

“I’d- like to go.” You simply stated, burying your hands in the jacket’s pockets. Without another word Erwin got up and fell in step alongside you, matching his pace as to not outrun you. He turned back briefly, and when he looked ahead again his eyes were trained on you.

“Why did you want to leave so suddenly? The man didn’t... you know, he wasn’t inappropriate, or anything, right?” You took a deep breath and sighed. Smelling Erwin’s wariness you were quick to relieve the innocent old man from the blond alpha’s suspicion.

“No no, he didn’t do anything.” Erwin shrunk back, apparently having been readying himself for a potential stare down – even though he had sat right beside you the whole time, and hadn’t made the impression of being so dense as to not realize what was happening around him. “No... It’s something else.” You added, but your eyes were focused on something far away and you barely noticed Erwin’s concerned face turning towards you. He kept silent, encouraging you to speak, but after another heartbeat you cleared your throat and shook your head. It was no use dwelling on dark thoughts while you were with someone who you didn’t want to let them in on just yet. Instead you tried to put on a more happy face, reminding yourself of the tasty snack before and the calm atmosphere during your walk. It had the desired effect of Erwin relaxing by your side after having caught on the scent of _content_.

“So, any plans for the weekend?” You inquired, glancing up at him again and trying to pick up a conversation after the silence. He shook his head, still holding his own arm behind his back in order to avoid accidental contact with you.

“Work was very demanding lately, I guess I’ll just stay home, watch a movie and cook something. Or, you know, maybe even go to the gym and... work out.”

The way he had said it made you laugh, and you saw him smiling in approval of your understanding.

“You’re not a gym-rat, then?”

He shook his head. “I do the bare minimum to stay fit – occasionally run a few miles, work out a bit, but I don’t have the willpower to visit every week. It’s enough to get me through the annual fitness-test, and that’s all that matters to me. Are you?”

You shook your head and sighed resigned. “My friend wants me to come along quite often, and sometimes I do, but I’m more the Yoga-doing, smoothie-drinking kind.” Addressing the consumed beverage from this noon, you gave Erwin a crooked grin. “Maybe I should work out a bit more, but as you said, willpower... What kind of movies do you watch?”

Changing the subject from general well-keeping of the body towards the more favourable direction was a good idea, and after a few tentative approaches by both of you towards the other’s preferred types of genre you found out he had a knack for cheap action movies and knew his way around the MCU quite well. You were in a heated discussion if a crossover of “Iron Sky” and the Avengers would be either hilarious or incredibly stupid when you spotted your train on the display of the station you had walked towards after leaving the riverside. It was set to arrive in about ten minutes.

Erwin, having followed your view, shut his mouth and left the explanation about how Captain America would not have this shit, unfinished. A warm glow entered his irises as he looked down on you from the display.

“Want to go home?”

Nodding, you shuffled your feet. “Yeah. Think I have to.”

Instead of wanting to know a reason Erwin simply smiled. “Alright. Thank you for meeting with me today.”

You looked up at him, momentarily at a loss for words. “Yeah... Yeah no, thank you for coming. You didn’t have to and I was pretty... harsh in our last interaction.”

The tips of your shoes seemed to have developed a gravitational pull on your eyes and you avoided looking up at Erwin for heartbeat.

“Hey.” The word wasn’t accompanied by physical contact, but the careful intensity it was spoken with was enough to make you lift your gaze. “Let’s- Let’s not think about what happened in my office anymore, okay? We both had time to think about what we did and why, and I don’t want you dragging yourself down with something like that.” He paused, and glanced around for a moment. “But if you don’t mind... I’d like to meet you again, sometime. Sometime soon.”

A small smile spread on your face. “Thank you. I’d like that, too. Text me when you know you’re available?”

He nodded happily. Then the smile vanished from his face and was replaced with a thoughtful expression.

“Would you mind... Would you, um, be okay with- with a, a hug?” He almost stumbled over his words and you saw the tips of his ears shading darker again. You bit your lip at the sight; it was too adorable how a grown alpha of his size turned into such a teenager upon asking such a thing.

“Yes.” You answered his anticipation-shaken sentence, and took a step forward while raising your arms. He bend down and closed his own around your back, hesitantly pulling you into him. When he felt you leaning into him he became more courageous and squeezed you closer. Even though there was an obvious height-difference between the two of you you didn’t felt dwarfed like so often, which probably had to do with him basically kneeling on the floor to get closer to your height, but nonetheless did it feel amazing. It was the kind of bear-hug not many people were able to give, and you savoured every moment of being pushed flush against his chest, with your arms over and around his wide shoulders and feeling him holding you close. You took a deep breath. Erwin’s scent surrounded you, the note fresh as you came into close contact with his neck. It almost got too good, but the alpha seemed to sense the tension of your knuckles in his jacket and gently pulled back. It wasn’t easy to consciously let go of him, but once you took a step back and breathed in, the spell was lifted.

“I’ll text you.” He said, and with a last look towards the large clock over the benches for waiting people, you stepped towards the tracks.

“Bye, Erwin!” You waved, before exiting the waiting area and moving up to where your train would stop.

He watched, how you disappeared up the stairs to the tracks, before turning around and heading out of the station again. A smile was plastered to his face, and now that you were gone he didn’t try to keep the happiness he had felt rising throughout the afternoon inside anymore. Even so, he kept his eyes on the ground, grinning to himself, just so very glad it had proven to be a good decision he had made in deciding to meet with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you only realize how handy and valuable your laptop is once you leave it behind in your home country while going abroad lol
> 
> if the numbers of typos increases or anything, blame it on me writing on my phone or some stuff.
> 
> but ayye, more soft erwin! i finally figured the next story arch as well.  
> if any of you would like to watch a werewolve movie with really good human-to-wolf changing I can only recommend "Blood & Chocolate"!! I love that movie, it has rly cute main protagonists and as said, when they change from human to wolf it just looks cool. will also adapt that style of change into this story, so if you'd like to have visuals to what i'll be describing in a few chapters (or more haha) go check it out.
> 
> i love every one of you who comments and tells me they love this story ♥
> 
>  
> 
> p.s.: i hope everyone caught on the genius joke i did with the creation of 'Green Fawn'


	14. Chapter 14

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Hanji asked, hands curled around- and leaning forward on the steering wheel of her Mini. She eyed the small, old church with a resigned sigh, but her hazel gaze quickly shifted back to Erwin as he placed his hand on the door handle.

“Yes. It’s taken me far too long.” He mumbled, eyes focused on the trees that made up the background for the many, many graves.

“You don’t have to.” Hanji continued, still leaned on the wheel. “Could always come back another time...”

At the prospect of turning around, now, after having sat in the other Alpha’s car for twenty minutes in the graveyard’s parking lot and mentally readying himself, Erwin shrank back from the careful proposal.

“No. No, I have to go.”

The brunette kept quiet and it only took another heartbeat for Erwin to finally gather enough courage to open the door and step outside.

“I’ll be waiting here!” The female informed him before the door shut again.

 

The small, paved way leading through the midst of the grass field, littered with stones and signs indicating who lay where, felt weirdly sturdy beneath Erwin’s feet. He counted the rows, missed one, tried to go back in his head but continued walking and passed two other and lost track. He scanned the various corners in which the small hedge that adorned the path got broken by another, smaller walkway leading out between the graves. There was one thing he remembered from the funeral, one thing that had stood out, and when his eyes found the tall, wall unit-like stone with the ugly angel on top his heart did a painful beat and began to pick up its pace. It was this lane.

He went off the main path and followed the smaller one to his right, gaze gliding over the tombstones to the side but he didn’t really see them. He knew which one he was searching for and unconsciously slowed down before another, well-tended to boxwood hedge revealed the light grey granite stone he’d been looking for. Erwin stopped in front of the small area that was wedged between two family-graves; little more than two square-meters of dirt, flowers and weeds. There was a small tree planted next to the stone, and he marveled at the size the small plant had gained. The grass wasn’t wet or muddy, so he lowered his butt and sat down on the ground with a quiet huff. He kept his legs propped up and rested his elbows on them, looking at the colours the dying sun painted into the sky. Orange, and blue and grey, mixing with soft yellow and rich gold. He breathed in.

“Hello Levi.” He said quietly, and finally mustered the courage to look directly at the stone. Silver letters spelled a name and two dates. No personal message, no spouse, nothing.

Someone had hung tiny wind chimes into the tree, alongside the small cards on yarn with well-wishes for him, with things people had wanted him to know and never got the chance to tell him, and with words of sadness by grieving friends. There weren’t many there; Levi had never had many friends and kept his family a secret from almost everyone. But those from the police station, who had known the small omega, had worked alongside and cherished him – those had left little cards in the wishing tree. They were unreadable by now, the ink on them bleached by the summer sun, washen away by the autumn storms, the last remains breaking away after being frozen in winter. It had been some time since the funeral.

Erwin sighed and rubbed a hand over his forehead. Sitting here, in front of the stone, where he knew the urn with Levi’s remains was buried in somewhere – it didn’t feel like he was really dead. Like he wasn’t there, in the earth, just somewhere else. Vanished from everyone without telling where to go, his scent trailing off somewhere where Erwin couldn’t follow.

“I feel stupid sitting here, and talking to you, and I know if you’d be here now you’d tell me to my face what an idiot I am and to stop being sappy. But I guess – I guess, in our current situation, you have to bear with me now. At least for a while. Then I’ll be gone again and leave you in peace.”

He wanted to laugh at his own words, desperately wanted to cry at the same time. It wasn’t _fair_ the raven haired omega was buried here, silenced forever, it wasn’t _fair_ that he had had to die and Erwin had made it out alive, it wasn’t-

The blond alpha lowered his hands from where he had rested his face in them and stared over the surrounding hedges towards the sunset, his eyes glossing over. “I thought- Maybe you’d find it interesting... I met someone. Sounds a bit fantastic how we crossed paths but... She’s omega. About your height, I think, could be taller though, too... I think I forgot how tall you are. Lovely hair. Bright eyes. So full of vitality. We got off on the wrong foot – I was being an idiot, but... we’ve been on a few dates now, and I think she really likes me. More than just... the animal. Because, you see, we met during one of her heats, which kind of triggered me off and then I went back to the shelter I brought her to and- anyway, we’re good now. I like her. She can be snappy and sarcastic at times, I think you two would have made one hell of a team...” He lowered his eyes to his hands, and his voice got quieter. “She doesn’t know about you, yet. I mean, I think she doesn’t, don’t think Hanji told her or... I don’t know if I’ll tell her about you.”

He lost track of what he wanted to say next, and instead simply stared at a dandelion that grew at the foot of Levi’s tombstone.

“I’m taking therapy. It really helps and my therapist is an Untouchable. She said you went to see her, too. I never knew. You kept so many secrets, Levi...” Without wanting, without calling for them, the memories of that day surfaced. For a moment Erwin sat still, paralysed by the fear and adrenaline that the memory invoked. Then his legs began to shake, uncontrollably, the shivering spread to his shoulders and down his arms into his hands, his very intestines seemed to vibrate from shock, sadness and longing. He bit on his lower lip without wanting and tasted blood, he lifted his hands and pressed them onto his eyes to stop the pictures, stop the ringing in his ears. He clamped a hand over the lower half of his face, keeping his eyes tightly shut, but it didn’t stop the tears. He bend over forward until he smelled the grass whenever he gasped for air between half-swallowed sobs, dug his hands into the soft soil covering Levi’s remains, tried to keep it together – tried and failed, and was shrunken down to a small heap of raw emotions.

 

The hot liquid pouring over his face dried up faster than he had thought.

Eventually he sat back and first wiped his hands on his pants, to get the dirt away from them, but then found it was futile and instead rubbed his sleeve over his forehead, his nose and his cheeks. He swallowed thickly.

The sky had darkened in the last minutes; the golden clouds wafting towards the horizon were followed by soft, blue ones and the indigo sky.

“I’m sorry.” He tried to say, but his voice was so hoarse it came out as a mere croak. “It should have been me, not you. It was my mistake, you ran out into the open like that, you trusted me, and I-“

Whispering made his vocal cords hurt, but it was better than not being able to talk at all. “Dr. Ral, Mike, Pixis, Eren – they all say it wasn’t my fault, that it was unforeseen, unexpected, that I couldn’t have done anything – and yet you’re there, and I’m here, and I can’t even tell you how sorry I am, how-“

He swallowed another sob and cleared his aching throat. The excess wetness cleared from his eyes, and he could focus again. He took another few breaths to calm himself down. When he looked up to the silver name on the stone the next time, he knew he wouldn’t cry again.

“I’m sorry, Levi. I’m sorry that you got caught in the crossfire. I’m sorry we were so close and yet you didn’t reveal everything to me. I’m-“ He had wanted to say ‘ _I’m sorry that I loved you_ ’, but that wasn’t right. He wasn’t sorry for that. A sad smile stole on his lips. “I’m grateful for everything we did together. I’m grateful for every day I got to wake up to you stumbling around that awful cramped kitchen, searching for your tea. I’m grateful for every time you rolled your eyes at me, and I’m grateful for every time you waited for my approval before you took out a person on a mission, no matter if they were across the street and you behind a sniper rifle up on the roof, or if you had already beat them bloody and they were screaming for release at you feet. You were the best I ever had the privilege of meeting. I love you, Levi. And-“ Erwin swallowed. “I hope the place you’re now is less shitty than this one.”

 

He kept on sitting in his spot for a while longer, just looking at the stone and the tree by its side, before he leaned forward and plucked the weeds from the ground. He walked the short distance to the well and borrowed a watering can from the grave with the angel stature, doused the crocuses and the buttercups, and the small magnolia tree. Then he stepped back and looked at his work. It looked clean again, something that Erwin knew Levi would’ve liked, and he felt a small, warm spark lighting in his chest and continuing to glow. Levi’s grave was low-maintenance; he hadn’t specified anything regarding that, but those who had known him had collectively agreed to keep it this way. Erwin knew Hanji had been here often, and she had told him Mike had come once or twice, too. He leaned over the small spot and wiped a few dead leaves and moss off the stone before he was fully satisfied. When he looked over the other graves, those with intricate designs in their flower arrangements, those with little pools of water and birdfeeders, those with big tombstones and well-maintained stone-beds, Erwin felt sad. Not for those who were laying underneath all that beauty, no, he felt sad for the living that spent so much time perfecting the graves of their deceased, spent so much of their own precious time and money on something that wasn’t even seen by those it was done for. In comparison, Levi’s grave looked small, unimportant and almost abandoned.

On his way back Erwin thought how that was something he himself would like to have much more than an impressive, big resting place. He wouldn’t want people dwelling over his remains buried in the ground, he didn’t want them to come back over and over again to make up for something that they hadn’t been able to express while he was still alive. He liked Levi’s grave. It was small, but the wishing tree and the flowers – the small omega might not have liked them particularly much during his living time, but they fit him now. Erwin liked that they didn’t fuss over his grave in a way that would have sent the omega reeling and growling should they have done so on him in person. He took his time, feeling no haste in getting back. Only when he sat down in Hanji’s car again did he notice the difference in temperature and rubbed his numb fingers against his pants.

“All ready?” She asked after putting down the magazine she’d been thumbing through. He nodded his head yes and reached for the seatbelt.

The brunette kept quiet during their trip back, only scoffed at a Mercedes once as it cut two lanes to catch an exit to their right last minute. When she rolled up to the apartment complex, she seemed to want to say something. After undoing his seatbelt, Erwin send her an expectant look.

“See, we could have a nice evening together soon again, hm? Wouldn’t that be cozy?” It didn’t sound entirely convincing that that was what she’d been meaning to ask, but Erwin was too tired to interrogate her.

“Yeah, sounds good. We could make pizza or something.” Hanji’s head snapped around, apparently taken off-guard he had given in so easily.

“Y-Yeah? Yeah! I mean, cool! I’ll ask around and then we’ll set on a date, alright?”

Erwin smiled at her and nodded his head. “Yes. I’d like that.”

“Awesome!” Hanji breathed, a bit flabbergasted. Chuckling, Erwin stepped out of the car.

 

The towel still wrapped around his hips he sat down on his makeshift bed and plucked his phone from the ground next to his cushion. The little green light told him it was fully charged, so he disconnected it from the power outlet and the screen lit up. There were new messages from you, and he smiled softly as he unlocked his phone and opened the chat.

‘Everything alright? Farlan said I was being restless all evening, did something happen to you?

Anyway, I’m down to meet at the cinema tomorrow, be there at 7:45?’

He didn’t type out an answer right away and just lay back, the phone pressed against his chest and eyes staring at the ceiling. Erwin felt it, and he felt it so much that he was aware of how his scent changed. He loved it. He loved to open his phone to casual messages from you, and he loved to read you agreeing on plans you two had made. _Love_ d it. He kept off thinking of loving you, though. The time he had been able to spend with you had shown him how much more than omega you were. You were funny, sarcastic, brutally honest sometimes – but also incredibly passionate in topics you cared about. You were able to stand up for yourself and you gladly stood up for anyone who looked like they needed it, and only had told him afterwards how frightening that beta bitch had been and how glad you had been to have him there. You didn’t take shit from him and you were so kind in words. Erwin bit his lower lip and pulled up the chat again, finally typing in his answer. After that he rolled on his side and placed his head on one of his arms, eagerly watching the screen and waiting if the small ‘online’ would appear below your name. As hoped, it did. After another moment it changed to ‘typing’, and then a new message plopped up at the bottom of his screen.

‘Cool!

So, what about this afternoon?

You’re not injured, are you?’

‘No’ He send back.

‘Had a flashback. PTSD-ish stuff. Don’t worry’

You send a little, unhappy emoji back.

‘Okay, if you say so. Are you better now?’

He huffed out a sigh.

‘Can’t you tell?’

A pause.

‘Thought I might be polite and ask. :P’

‘Thanks ^^’

You went offline and Erwin let go of his phone somewhere between his pillow and the spot he was lying on and rolled back on his back, stretching over the entire piece of furniture. You were quick to text him whenever he had experienced serious moodswings, and by now he was slowly picking up on bits and pieces from you, too. It was nowhere near as strong a connection like he had heard from long-term mates, but... A connection was there, a connection than ran deeper than words could ever describe. Sometimes he wasn’t sure if it was such a good thing to have, especially after situations like this afternoon. Then again, the connection was so unreliable he could hardly tell apart the times he might unconsciously react to emotions from you and when not. Dr. Ral had told him not to ponder too long about it, and he tried not to. He was just glad.

Too lazy to move much Erwin simply wiggled long enough until the towel slipped off and he rolled through the sheets naked. He kicked the wet cloth away and off the mattress, and then continued to rub himself all over the fabric. It felt good to scent-mark his pillows and the bedspread, the comforter and the mattress. When he finally laid still, face buried in one of his pillows and skin tingling from the friction he felt another part of himself reacting to the prolonged rubbing. He lifted his face out of the stuffing to be able to breathe normally and wondered if you’d feel the arousal that crept up through his belly with every second he lay here longer. The longer he thought about the possibility, the more his thoughts drifted back in time, to the dark room and the hot, summer’s day. He whimpered softly and reached down between his legs, for now just wrapping his hand around himself. Fortunately it did nothing to relieve himself of the awfully tight feeling that had settled in the region, so he carefully tried a few strokes- A groan left his lips and he buried his face in the pillow again, unable to ignore the memories of those hours he’d spent in animalistic bliss. Eventually he rolled around and grabbed the towel from the floor to keep himself and his freshly changed bedsheets from getting dirty again, and when he fell asleep shortly after, he was deeply relaxed.


	15. Chapter 15

When you rounded the corner to the cinema you half expected Erwin to be there, waiting already. The space in front of the doors was empty, though, and you peered beyond the glass front.

No Erwin inside, either.

It was uncanny for him to not be there already, but then again he was a grown man and could take care of himself, and even the most punctual people ran late at some point. You resolved to taking in the film posters a little more closely, read the headlines and actors names. Shortly before 8 Erwin came jogging around the same corner you had come from, an adorable flush on his face and his blond hair a bit disheveled.

 

“What happened, man?” You asked, grinning, and pulled the door open for him to walk through.

“I, ah, hu, I am so, I am so sorry. I completely lost track of time and- this is not like me.” He looked truly crestfallen, and a sympathetic look spread on your face.

“Don’t worry about it. Maybe we cut the ads this way."

You tried to see the good in it but Erwin seemed so focused on him running late that he didn’t comment on it further. He was faster to pull out his wallet to pay for the tickets, though, and didn’t let himself get talked out of getting snacks either. Feeling somewhat guilty, you gave him a pointed look as he passed you after you held open the cinema door for him again.

“You don’t have to compensate anything by paying for stuff, you know?” You muttered while walking out into the showroom. A handful other people sat there waiting already, 3D glasses on their noses and hardly taking notice of you.

“I know. But I also know what kind of an impression it makes when someone runs late on a date.” He whispered back, and you suppressed a smile. The warm feeling that came with it didn’t let itself be stopped that easily, though, so when you sat down you quietly enjoyed the happy twist your stomach had made at Erwin’s words.

“So this is a date now?” You playfully jabbed at him, and he looked mock-hurt when he turned his face towards you. He was a lot closer than you had anticipated, and the previously warm affection turned to creep back up your spine in something like sudden awareness of his closeness and the fact the flashing colours from the running ads reflected in his eyes and made them interesting shades of blue, green and pink. Your eyes darted to his parted lips, for less than a second, unable not to.

“Is it not? Pardon me, madam, but I think I went with the wrong person then!” He grinned and you rolled your eyes.

If he had noticed your eyes slipping just now he didn't say anything.

“Just shut up, man.”

You could see he didn’t turn away for a few heartbeats longer. When he did you felt his knuckles brushing the skin of your hand where it lay on the armrest and wordlessly you stuck your ringfinger out. He linked his pinky into it and settled on watching the screen after putting on his glasses as well, satisfied with the arrangement.

 

It had been something Erwin had come up with, after you had chickened out of holding hands the conventional way. It’d have pressed your scent-glands against each other, and to you it still was a contact too personal, even though you had grown more comfortable with touches in general. His hand on the small of your back, an arm over your shoulder, and elbow softly nudged into your side, hugs - small touches that conveyed affection. You found yourself leaning into his touches more often than not, but beyond that there hadn’t been much else. Interlinking your fingers with his had a reassuring feeling to it, though.

As you watched the ad for a new 3D VR game playing on the big screen, your hand twitched involuntarily. Without looking away Erwin softly answered the movement and squeezed your finger for a heartbeat before returning to the previous, loosely connected stage.

 

It reminded you of the day you had been out late with him, walking home through the dark streets because the trains had shut down after an afternoon of storm. To prevent harm to anyone they had decided to cut the powerlines for the trains and you had been left with the decision of taking the hopelessly overcrowded bus or walking home. After a text Erwin had agreed to accompany you on your trip home. The stormy weather had brought weird folk into the streets; gamblers and people who claimed to read omens in the clouds. The smaller, darker, dingier lanes crawled with people with constantly glowing eyes, who snarled at everyone that laid eyes on them and people who walked between human and animal shape, with fangs and claws and furry legs. The feeling of uneasiness hadn’t left you during that walk until Erwin had carefully extended his hand and brushed the back of it against yours, balled into a fist and pressed to your side. Upon the contact you very nearly had jumped into his arms and let him carry you; but only almost. After the first impulse had been overcome you had simply looked up at him with shining eyes, not trying to mask your discomfort about the situation. His expression had been knowing and grim, no hair of his wavering in the face of the folk that kept you unseen company.

“I know.” He had said, and cupped a hand of his over your cheek.

The contact had made tears well up in your eyes and you had to close them in order not to spill them. One, two, three deep breaths later you had been able to open them again, and both excess water and light had been gone from them. Understanding you were better, he hadn’t protested as you stepped back and away from his touch, but upon starting walking again you had carefully reached out with your hand and wrapped a few fingers around some of his. To your delight he had straightened up at the gesture, suddenly radiating an aura of protective authority. _Alpha_.

 

As you stole a glance back down on your intertwined hands now you were reminded of that walk, his reassurance, and not for the first time did you feel incredibly lucky and fortunate to have him by your side. The film started but Erwin must have picked up the change of pheromones from you that the thinking about him and you had invoked; he hummed quietly to himself and slid a bit lower in his seat, a smile spreading on his face and his scent tinting with _happy_.

Seeing him so content made a smile spread on your face as well, and you settled down alongside him. Ever so slightly you moved your hand until it lay palm open on the rest between the seats. You saw Erwin turning his head in surprise, but made an effort to not acknowledge the shift you had done with your hand. After a moment Erwin seemed to overcome his initial shock, and snaked his fingers in between yours.

It felt good, to be here, and now, with Erwin. And you enjoyed that feeling.

 

* * *

 

 

The film was mediocre, to put it lightly, and after you exited the cinema while the credits slowly rolled over the screen, you pointedly slurped the very rest of your drink.

“Hmm-mhm.” Erwin nodded, and kept quiet until you came past the toilets.

“Here~” You handed him your jacket, purse and scarf. “I’ll be in there real quick.”

 

There were more people coming down from the screening rooms after you got back out, and you saw Erwin standing to the side, eyes scanning the crowd without much interest. He looked very fashionable in his beige pants, the plaid shirt covered in a sweater with the sleeves rolled up and with your purse slung over his shoulder. When he caught sight of you he straightened up and held your jacket open for you. Mumbling a word of thanks you wrapped the scarf around your neck before taking the purse from his outstretched fingers.

“Do you want me to drive you home?” After seeing your surprised face, he chuckled. “I borrowed my friend’s car.”

“-Sure! Wow, never would’ve expected that.”

This time he held open the door for you on your way out.

 

“So what’s your humble opinion on today’s brilliant film?” You propped an invisible mic at him, as if in a TV interview.

“The... cinematic... picturesque was very... and the actors...! I am-“

“At a loss of words to describe the amazing piece of film history that was written with this?”

He rolled his eyes exasperated but laughed. “You have quite a way with words.”

You shook your head and smiled to yourself, quickly stuffing your hand into your pocket as a sharp breeze whistled around the corner. Being the first to step out from behind the building proved to be less exhilarating than expected. Voice running out halfway through you gushing about some minor background details you had noticed, Erwin worried his eyebrows.

A bunch of people had gathered at a spot, a little down from where you stood now, where warm air exited a vent. Their clothes were a myriad of colours although unfailingly dirty, which gave them a somewhat boxed, bulky look. All of them had wild, unkempt hair that extended past the lines of socially acceptable - it crawled long their jawlines, covered their temples and vanished along their necks below their clothes. Dull eyes blinked over at your sight, lighting in various shades, and the previously uncomplicated, easy mood evaporated and left a bitter aftertaste. Seconds after the first look, Erwin rounded the corner and their attention was diverted from you alone and instead focused on the big alpha behind you. You felt him exhaling through his nose and quickly looked up to him.

“This’ll be a lot easier if we present as one.” He mumbled and furrowed his eyebrows at you. For a moment you were irritated as to what he meant and why he seemed to ask you something. You continued to take steps forward, although much slower than before. The thugs were probably still twenty meters away. The wind was in your back, which was why you hadn’t smelled them from around the corner, and it still shielded them from being identified by you. When realization dawned on you what Erwin had meant you breathed a quick “Okay” at him. He picked up the act immediately.

“Whoa, hey, the wind sure did pick up since we came in this afternoon. Are you sure you’re not cold?” His words were louder than needed, but this time you got what he was aiming for sooner.

“No… I thought I would manage but I’m freezing!” Without taking your hands out of your pockets, you fell into step next to him and leaned towards his frame. He reached out and wrapped one of his arms around you, pulling you further into his side. “Thank you, dear.”

You almost stumbled over the nickname, not getting anything like ‘sweetheart’ or ‘hun’ out, not to think about something as ridiculous as ‘baby’. Some of the unfriendly lot turned their eyes away at the show of affection, but the majority kept staring. By now you were close enough to smell the alcohol and scent of _untamed,_ of animal, they emitted, and it took a lot of willpower to keep your own eyes from lighting up in response.

 

“Honey, come on, our car is over there? Let's cross the street.” Erwin’s voice was a bit shaky, and when you looked up at him he was walking a little hunched over, and not only to keep you safely in his arm. He was making himself look smaller, you noticed, in order to not draw the loitering pack’s attention. To your disappointment, it didn’t work, and you wondered why he had even bothered. He was strong, tall, powerful- Why would he hide that?

“Aye, what we have here fella?” The voice that called out sounded too high pitched to belong to a male, but the edge of a growl in it had you wondering. Among the dark clothes and too many heads, it was impossible to find the speaker.

“What did you think about the film, dear?” You spoke up as Erwin gently shook his head to discourage your attempts to scour the others out.

“I rather liked it. The lead actress – what was her name again? You’re good with them, aren’t you, darling? –Anyway, she was really good!”

“Fella! I talk to you, you listen! Aren't you alpha enough for that!” The same voice as before spoke up, and this time it was noticeably colder than before. The mob moved, and expanded over the whole sidewalk onto the street. Erwin slowed down, glancing up and around as if they would make him nervous. He made a pretty good actor himself, because his scent didn’t give away any of his usual self-confidence. Hadn’t you known better, you’d have believed him that he was beginning to grow anxious from the other’s presence.

“Uh- he-hello, evening to you.” He readjusted his grip on you and licked his lips. “Could you, maybe, let us move past? I’d like to take my mate home, we had a long day...”

In the dim light from one of the nearby streetlamps one figure stepped forward. The bulky clothing hid any shape of body that could’ve given away the gender of the apparent leader, but the blue eyes and intense scent of alpha were enough for you. It was difficult to keep your eyes trained on the ground when you were so used to keep looking, not back down from them, but it’d have broken with Erwin’s act and you didn’t want a brawl to break out when it could’ve been prevented.

“Cute mate you have there. Mind if I take a look?” And still you were unable to define if it was a she-wolf talking or not - interesting what a few years of abandonment and homelessness could do to a person.

“Ye-Yeah, yeah I do mind. Sh-She belongs-, she’s mine.” Any other way he’d have said it and it’d have sounded possessive, strong; a warning to everyone around. But like this – weak, defenseless, hoping it’d keep them off. For a moment you wondered if it had been such a good idea to go with the meek-alpha disguise.

“Naw, don’t ruin my fun, boy. Step aside, c’mon.”

“I’d rather not!” His rising voice held fake-panic in it, and he tightened his hand around your middle.

“Please!” You chimed in, eyes not rising from the gruff boots of the alpha lead in front of you. “I’m so tired and he promised me a hot bath, I’d just really like to get home, please!”

The words, not entirely a lie since you had planned on taking a shower later, came across so shaky and pleading that you were surprised yourself. Erwin’s scent welled up around you, and you hoped he could tell apart act from reality. To underline your sentence you rose an arm and clutched onto his jacket's front.

“Ohh, cute!” Several voices from the waiting members rang out, making your skin crawl.

“Mhm, you seem good. Soft, pure, innocent... Tell me, when was your last heat, doll? I could make it ten times better than what this prick here could ever give you!”

“Yeah, come to us, we won’t disappoint ya!” More shouts came from the group as they lazily moved forward and circled you. You looked up in Erwin’s eyes and searched for something, some sign that called for an attack in a moment’s time.

“Please, let us through.” He said, and this time his voice wasn’t as quivering as before. “We just want to go home.”

He took a step forward and the group “Ooh”ed. The alpha in the front cracked their neck.

“Listen, pretty boy, I don’t care. It’s been quite a while since I had my share of fun with such a pretty omega, and for the record, you hardly smell like each other anyway. So either you’re really not that into her, or... I don’t even give a fuck! Just let go of her now and this won’t go down bad. C’mon.”

Erwin still didn’t make a move, and the other alpha stepped closer.

“C’mon sweetheart. I’ll make it worth your while, really.” She extended a hand, and you tentatively looked at it.

“What’s your name?” You shyly asked, feigning the slightest of interest.

“Isa. It’s alright, you don’t have to stay with that idiot who won’t even scent-mark you. I’ll do it for you, with me you’ll never be in danger again!” She pulled her sleeve back and bared her scent-gland.

The smell was appalling, of ashen wood and dried up rivers. The boiling dislike in the pit of your stomach was growing unbearable. By now you weren't sure if your control over your scent was wavering; it could very well be that the disgust was slipping through. You hoped the alpha would pick up on it thinking it was because of the actions of the blond next to you - but you tried to hold back nevertheless, waiting for Erwin to give a signal.

Anything.

But he kept silent, frozen in place. After a quick look up you found him staring at the street, eyes without a hint of the ethereal blue that was inherent to every alpha. If he'd have a wolf-form, you thought, he'd have his ears flat against his scalp and his tail between his legs by now. Another agonizingly long heartbeat passed.

 

Isa took the smallest step forward, overstepping an invisible boundary you had unconsciously drawn around Erwin and yourself. You felt your eyes flare and rose your gaze to meet the blue of hers. She smiled, an ugly smile of almost only canine teeth, but her expression turned less excited as she noticed the fire behind your view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I had a really hard time writing this bc I did and I'm still not sure if I like it but this is kinda necessary for the progression of the story and ugh  
> I just want to skip to the fun parts tbh
> 
> kudos to everyone who hasn't given up on this wet toast yet!!


	16. Chapter 16

The others remained on their position, albeit wary.

Isa was sputtering and coughing on the ground, trying to get back on her feet.

 

“Get them.” She drawled, eyes burning and clutching her stomach.

You quickly glared into the round of agitated people, felt the sharp fire burn in your throat and heard your heartbeat pounding in your ears. There was no need to put into words what your pose, your scent and your eyes shouted out at everyone. That dared everyone to take steps closer, to invade your space like their leader had.

When nobody moved, she angrily turned to look at them.

 

“Are you deaf? I said take ‘em! I want to bend and break that fucking omega and I don’t want this weird, small alpha-boyfriend of hers to run off calling for the cops of some shit!”

“I believe that won’t be necessary, Ma’am. I hereby detain you for assaulting an omega verbally and trying to persuade her into slavery, both verbally and through the use of your scent, as well as trying to get your pack to commit an act of crime against a member of the police force. Your sentence will be up for a judge to decide, as for now you’re under arrest. Any resistance will be useless and only derogate your sentence.”

Suddenly he was his full height again, his voice was strong and loud and his face held no trace of the fake-worry from before. Spirits knew where he got them from but he pulled out a pair of handcuffs and handed you his phone.

“Speed dial, call number two. Request backup.” He told you, and there was nothing but cold professionalism in his voice.

Isa, apparently still not entirely recovered from the kick you had given her, tried to move behind her first line of defence, but they parted in her back and after taking two resolute steps forward Erwin grabbed her arm and forced her around and into the cuffs.

“Don’t just stand there, do something!” She screeched, but nobody seemed very eager to come to her aid. One, rather short, alpha came forward, but Erwin stared him down without a word and the poor boy scrambled back in line. There was a voice in your ear, and you told the person that Erwin had made you call, requested backup, had one person in custody and several others ready for detainment.

 

“Now, by pack law you will all be held accountable for the actions of your leader, additional to your own, as I’m sure you’re all aware.” Erwin had the alpha kneel in front of the cinema’s wall and turned to the lingering others. “I don’t have enough cuffs for all of you but I’m sure you’re not that set to follow your gracious pack alpha into jail for a prolonged time over something as dishonourable as this. If you could calmly line up and kneel down beside her, it’ll be of use to you later. Good behaviour now, less days spent sitting in the kennel.”

His voice didn’t leave room for negotiation and after another moment of silent protest they fell into order.

 

It was quite fascinating to see everyone act on Erwin’s orders like that, seeing him pace down the line-up and when you looked up at him as he observed the sighing, shuffling people, a pang ran through your stomach. He must have sensed you looking, for he turned his head long enough to give you a smile. Something churned in the pit of your belly.

From the corner in your eyes you could see neon flashing lights, and when two other cars pulled up relief washed over you. The officers who got out greeted Erwin curtly, and one of them took down what had happened from the blond alpha while two of the others proceeded to haul the pack-alpha into the back of one car. The remaining one kept a watch on the other pack members and began to take in their IDs. You stood by the side, clutching Erwin’s expensive, flat phone and feeling utterly useless upon seeing everyone busy.

Tentatively you lifted your hand to tap his elbow. He turned to you before you could touch him and reflexively took your outstretched hand in his. A tingle spread through your skin upon the contact and your eyes pulsed with light once. It took you a moment until you could remember what you had wanted to ask him.

"Where's your friend's car? I thought maybe I could hop inside already and wait there until you're... finished here." You wrinkled your nose and nodded towards the wall where the guy with shaggy, brown hair still asked to see IDs. Erwin's face turned apologetic.

"I- Yeah. Where are my thoughts. No, you can go but you'll have to tell Eren about the incident first. Jaeger!"

Shaggy brown hair looked up and lifted his pen as a sign he had heard, and the blond alpha turned back to you.

 

* * *

 

 

The inside of the car was dry and warm and smelling faintly of lemon detergent. The CDs stacked in the small space below the radio were almost exclusively with german titles and names, but after seeing one that had a fetus on its cover you put it into the slit. The first few notes gave nothing away of what followed.

 

When the door opened and Erwin folded himself behind the steering wheel you stared at him. His eyebrows twitched closer together.

 

"What?"

The beat - although the volume was quite low - rocked the tiny car.

"What kinda friends do you got?" Half amazed, half astonished you sat back and put the seatbelt on. Erwin shrugged softly.

"They like that kinda stuff. Mind if I...?"

 

You shook your head and leaned back, and he silenced the radio. The alpha seemed tense and flexed his neck at the next red light, but didn't say anything else. The crossing road had green lights and drove, and Erwin kept staring between the moving cars for a moment.

"Where do you life?" He deadpanned then, as the others started to line up behind the stop line again.

"Um. Howlet Street 1478, crossing Hungars Lane."

The light turned green and he activated the turn signal last minute before taking the corner. Someone behind in line honked.

The ride was spent in silence that began to drone on after Erwin had deflected a shy question from yours and his scent didn't ease down.

The familiar shape of the cherry tree in the small garden upfront your house came into sight and you straightened up. Indicating it to Erwin seemed unnecessary but you mentioned it anyway. You felt small relief at the prospect to be out and away from this stoic, solemn, silent Erwin.Wordless, he slowed the car and brought it to stop in front of the building. After unbuckling your seatbelt and gripping the door handle you expected Erwin to follow your movement and step outside, but once you looked over you found he hadn't moved at all.

"What's wrong?" You asked, more because it was the polite thing to do and not because you were eager to know. That was, you would have been, but he seemed so closed off since getting into the car that it seemed futile to start asking about such things in earnest. Instead of answering right away he briefly turned his head and looked out of his window.

"That pack was on our radar for months now. We kept getting complaints from all sides since they relocate so often - they fight with the locals and often take residence on the borders of their territories. We were hoping to catch and bag them for something for weeks." His voice was pressed, he sounded tired and exhausted. Rather than bringing more understanding, it continued to confuse you.

"And ho-""I'm not finished."

He breathed in sharply and you shrunk back into your seat. He pursed his lips and breathed out more steady. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel a few times and seemed to struggle greatly with his next words.

"I- I _used_ you. As bait. On an evening off. I can't- It's not-" He broke off with a sigh and finally met your eyes. His were faintly glowing, a sign to just how much this was troubling him.

You wanted to say 'So what?', or something dismissive, something that would make him feel the weird mood his lack of action from before the bust had caused you, but somehow you knew he knew. Even so much as an 'And?' wouldn't cross your lips. Instead, you simply sat and waited.

"And that- It's something I can't ignore because- _it's wrong_ , _______, it's so wrong, and yet I can't-" His voice got lost as he continued to look into your eyes, but the blue glow strengthened and settled as he closed his mouth. "And the most terrifying thing about this? I don't even feel guilty. I know it wasn't the right thing to do and I know what I should be feeling right now, but I don't, and it's more- I feel like a monster." There were lines around his eyes speaking of a sorrow that went beyond, ran deeper than just the events from this evening. The air between you was thick and something heavy lay on your chest as you tried to breathe. You could guess what Erwin was trying to accomplish, or at least what he wanted to say - and it was right, using you had been wrong and his, explainable, lack of action - and yet the dim, yellow lights from outside reflected in his pupils, giving them an angelic circle of gold in their midst, and the shadows that fell on his face, that made the light that shone on his lips that much brighter and you just couldn't look away. It was too easy to ignore what he had just said.

By now the demanding wish, the deeply rooted want, must have been very apparent in your own scent and you were almost scared to raise your eyes to Erwin's upper face. He licked over the soft skin of his lips and left it painfully shining. And even though the scent must have been overpowering by now, he sat in his seat, one hand on the steering wheel, the other one flat on his leg and his body angled towards you. You breathed flatly to avoid picking up too much from what was swirling in the air, but it was still incredibly difficult to form a rational thought that wasn't fixed on anything but Erwin.

"Thank you for bringing me home." You had to peel your tongue from the roof of your mouth where it had been stuck, but you managed, and it surprised you so much that you were able to withdraw from Erwin's alluring presence and out of the car. After you had shut the door and taken a few deep breaths you turned to get across the small stripe of brown grass and onto the pathway, over to where the front door was waiting for you. In your back you could hear the other door of the Mini opening and Erwin exiting.

 

"That's it?" He called after you, and now his voice sounded strangely cold. You took another deep breath and hugged your arms around your middle, but before you could set foot beyond the part of the walkway designated to cyclists, a hand caught your elbow and turned you around. Erwin let go almost as soon as he touched you, as if the contact had burned him.

"You're just going to leave without a word?" The insecurity of before wasn't entirely gone, it just had changed into bitterness. "Again? I thought- I thought we were done with this." The first word struck a nerve and you lifted your face to stare into his blue eyes defiantly, and Erwin's face didn't soften as his last words got more quiet.

"And what are you going to do about it? You didn't hold me back before. Nothing of what you just-" You didn't even knew what you were saying, doing. Why this now. Where had it gone awry this time. "What do you want me to say to, this? I don't know how I could say anything. Just. I- I just want to go to bed."

But maybe, you thought, maybe the words of Isa the Alpha had struck a nerve you hadn't known was sensitive. You knew damn well how little Erwin touched you, how much thought and precaution you both took to prevent it. How focused you were on it, to the extent that you had pushed away and buried the shy, quiet request your soul made for those very touches you denied yourself. Maybe you had been waiting for Erwin to disregard your wishes and mark you anyway, clearly not knowing to which extents his self-control went. He wasn't some stupid, dumb traditionalist who would take advantage like that, and the feeling you should have known crept up the back of your legs. It had been easy to forget.

"I'm not going to let you go just like that, not this time." Erwin was tall, you thought dimly as you observed him now, how he stood between the car and the grass in front of you. Tall, with broad shoulders, strong, and _powerful_. His voice wasn't hard, but it had an edge. Despite his words he made no attempt to seize you, but you felt like if you left now, he wouldn't come after you. He'd stay away, for good. The prospect was far more frightful than it appeared to be, and suddenly something deep inside you was shivering at the mere implication.

"Please." Your voice was bitter, bitter from the realization of your own twisted actions and the fear it was too late now to change your request. The twitch your hand did, towards him, was enough. He took another step closer to you and towered over you, and yet his size wasn't intimidating. He didn't use it against you. The whole sidewalk was free in your back and yet you didn't give way. This was Erwin, and instead of _possible threat_ he was _safe anchor_. You were still gazing up at him, even though your neck began to protest. The words lay heavy on your tongue, just behind your lips, and yet it felt like they were an eternity away from being spoken. You could see him swallowing as the blue glow in his eyes lightened into fire as he lifted his hand. It came to rest to the side of your neck, directly over your scent gland, and it was so large it covered the whole area between jawline and shoulder. There was a tight knot in your stomach at what he'd do next, and your heartbeat picked up as you actively leaned into the touch, kept contact with his eyes and turned your face to touch your nose to his skin.

"Not this time." He whispered, and let go of your neck. His hand slid past, the hem of his jacket slipped up and his scent gland rubbed over yours. A rush of adrenaline shot through your veins at the action, the high strum chords in your middle vibrating at the movement. Without thinking about it you turned your head and bit into his lower arm. It wasn't a strong bite, more to hold him where he was now, but your eyes hadn't left his and now his were shining. He wasn't moving, and you weren't even sure he was still breathing. Time seemed to slow down. It was probably your own mouth salivating as your teeth gently dug into the veined skin just below his gland, but you suddenly had to swallow much more often than before. There was a faint trace of mint mixed into that, as well. With a low growl you reached up with both hands after letting go of his arm and he slowly bend down to meet you. When your wrists touched his neck he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. His head tilted towards the right and he lowered his face until his nose was barely above your skin. His own hands came up to rest on your elbows, and without him needing to pull you you gave further into him. His chest was warm to touch, even through the shirt and pullover he was wearing, but all of that was meaningless when he opened his eyes again. They weren't shining like before, the flames seemed to have lost in vibrancy, and instead they were glowing like coals. A hand of his was on the small of your back, but he didn't need to pull you closer before he dipped his head down, met you as you stretched up and pressed his forehead against yours.

 

"I'm sorry." He whispered, and you felt the shudder going through him. "And- If it's not too much too ask, could you kiss me? I don't want to overstep your boundaries any further, I hope you're not mad I marked you, I just couldn't-"

You breathed in deeply, listening to him rambling, until it got too much. There were too many words, and even though it was important what he said, you knew he was also stalling. It was only a few centimeters, a gap barely there, and you angled your head differently and pressed your lips to his. There was a soft thud when his back connected with the car, but you were too occupied to notice. A low, vibrating sound escaped Erwin's throat, and it made your mouth tingle. It was too innocent far too quickly, but the inside of his mouth was hot and tasted like spices and there was too much space between you, the breeze rushing down the street making you shiver when you had been too hot before. Erwin's legs were splayed to each side of you and he was desperately pulling you into him, as if trying to get you closer, still, he _needed_ you closer as much as you wanted, strived to be closer to him. At some point your wrists left his neck and your fingers twisted into his hair, pulling his head back until he broke the kiss with a hiss and exposed his throat to you. The way his adam's apple moved when he swallowed was like an invitation you couldn't refuse, too appetizing, and you pressed a kiss to the very spot, nibbled the skin there, before pressing an open mouthed kiss right over his scent gland and licking a broad stripe over it. His hand dug into your back painfully harsh as he reacted instinctively and you almost lost ground. Erwin was cradling you so close that your feet had lost most of their ground contact, was keeping you almost lifted to him, but it didn't interest you as long as he kept making those breathy, soft whines that jumped an octave lower whenever he swallowed through them. He let you have your freedom, didn't keep you from touching and kissing and marking him. Eventually he countered your attack and buried his nose in the hair behind your ear, nudged your head until you turned it away from him and bared your throat, and he could hold your neck with one hand and press his lips into it on the other side. And yet he still hesitated as he opened them, and his voice vibrated through your collar bones when he spoke.

"Can I?"

You had the guts to look at him through narrowed eyes and asked.

"Can you what?"

His face froze and he parted his lips, puff and swollen from the friction, to take a deep breath.

"Please let me give you a bite again." His voice, deep before, had won another lower note. It was now richer, smoother, more attractive than before and you couldn't say anything as the endless blue glimmer in his eyes held you captive. One of his thumbs, from the hand that held your jacket's collar away from your neck, rubbed over the area just below your scent gland.

"Yes Erwin" You whispered as he pulled your head closer, and you closed your eyes. "Yes. Please."

He was careful to not press down on any important spots as he gently bit into the area below your scent gland, made sure to not cut off blood flow nor air, and yet you shuddered in utter delight as you felt his teeth sinking in. It briefly hurt when his canines pricked holes into your skin but then he licked over them immediately, soothing, overlapping the pain with a different sensation. When he pulled back with a sucking sound you gasped for air, even though he had been so intent on not restricting you. Something inside your midst settled down, like a cat that had turned a few times on her spot in front of the warm fireplace before lying down. You saw the soft smile on Erwin's face, the radiance from his happiness inside, felt the same inside your own chest and let your head fall against his. He chuckled as he hugged his arms around your shoulders and put his head on top of yours, almost laughed as you chimed in with him, feeling strangely light headed and excited. You moved against each other softly, one leaned back and the other followed, not wanting to let go just yet. It was innocent and pure bliss filled your chest. Eventually, you parted.

"I should, really, get inside." You ran a hand through your hair and found it a tangled mess. "I'm still not fully done with you, Alpha." You remarked, but in your current, flustered and short of breath state your words held no threat.

The look he gave you, still leaned against the borrowed car, was so full of love, so utterly content, it made your heart ache, stutter and jump ten times faster ahead.

"I love you."

It slipped out faster than you could think, but then it was said and you didn't feel afraid. The blond alpha seemed taken aback at first, a look of surprise and joy on his face, but then he got a hold of himself and came forward, across the grass to where you stood and cupped both his hands over your cheeks. He leaned his forehead against yours and you closed your eyes as he said:

"I love you, too." Back. He dipped his head down to kiss you again, but this time it was careful, slow and sweet, and you felt a wave of adoration and joy branding up inside you that couldn't ever have been able to put into action hadn't he been kissing you that moment. But you kissed him back and poured every ounce of love you felt in that moment into it, and when Erwin pulled back he was breathing heavily again, had to swallow, and blinked the water out of his eyes. There was still much unspoken between the two of you, and you knew that sometime soon you would have to talk about it, but for now it was forgotten.

 

He drove off not soon after, but when you arrived up at your flat's door, there was someone else waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in light of the recent unveilings of season 3, and what will inevitably happen in this season (i guess), i descend from my bubble of summer time heat and give you this.  
> hope u njoy :3


	17. Chapter 17

You had barely cracked the damn thing open when the scentwave rolled over you; and in your current state your nose was far too sensitive. You sneezed.

"Excuse me." Farlan said, arms crossed over his crop top, eyes sparkling and the pulled-down corner of his mouth definitely not hiding his glee the slightest.

"Sorry man, but you're all over the place." Pretending to be cool while internally vibrating helped to somehow digest the situation a little. It felt as though hanging your jacket on its usual hook, and neatly placing your shoes underneath it took an astounding amount of time. Fussing over a speck of dirt was just avoiding the inevitable, and under Farlan’s piercing eyes you crumbled.

"Look who's talking, Mx-spilling-alpha-everywhere-all-over-the-place. Care to elaborate?" He swished a finger up and down in front of your face as you opened the fridge and got a bottle of soda out to pour yourself a glass.

After swallowing the first gulp you eyed the blond leaning in the doorway.

"Do you want to tell me you _didn't_ watch the whole scenario from our kitchen window?" You raised an eyebrow at him as the blond rolled his eyes skywards and a mildly guilty expression flashed over his features.

"-Now, we don't want to put blame on anyone enjoying a bit of juicy PDA right outside their window, nay?"

 

He proceeded to push you into the living room and made you sit on the couch, eagerly pouring another glass of soda, as if it'd hold any kind of similar effect of alcohol consumed in such dosages. He seemed to realize the green-bottled sweet stuff was very much not an alcoholic beverage around the time you picked up the glass to drink once more and, with a small frown, placed the bottle off to the side. He turned back to you and his eyebrows were raised in anticipation, his legs crossed and his hands linked around one of his knees. "So?"

You scratched an itch on your cheek and made a face.

"So what? I went out to the movies with Erwin."

Farlan's exasperated sigh egged you on.

The words came with ease and you felt warmth pool in your stomach. "And then he busted some half-savage pack off the streets whose pack alpha tried to make advances on me, and- man you should have _seen_ him, it was amazing." Surprised by your own choice of words you fell silent, still in partial awe from Erwin's sheer looks during the incident. "He was just so..."

"Alpha?" Farlan suggested, and when you met his eyes again he was looking up at you with his gaze shining, his bottom lip pulled between index and thumb of his hand. There was nothing taunting or funny in his voice, and you nodded. His face relaxed into that of knowing, and his smile was genuine. "And then you proceeded to make out on top of his car in front of our house."

The blond ended your retelling rather unceremoniously, making you laugh.

"Kind of, yeah." You picked on a small spot on your pants, not looking Farlan in the eyes as you rose your voice again. "Told him I loved him."

Farlan shrieked. It wasn't a noise of agony, fear or out of threat, rather the opposite. He yelled out of sheer joy, and scooted closer on the couch until he was almost sitting in your lap.

"That is so cute." He fawned, wiping at his eye. Then his face grew serious as he got very close to yours. "Do you, though?"

You stared at him, feeling around your back to see if there was room you could escape to but found none.

"Yes. I do. Why else-" Farlan's face lit up at your words and, seemingly satisfied, he leaned back. You breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t know, but he could get incredibly scary when he did this.

“Okay. Now tell me about that bunch of savages your Erwin leashed into the kennels.” He sat back in his usual corner of the couch and bit down on his index fingers, his genuine curiosity getting the better of him. “And- one of them wanted to make advances on you?? -I feel like beating someone up!”

You hurried to explain that Erwin had done everything possible, concerning legal actions, that such an unwanted action could spark.

 

* * *

 

 

The monday after the weekend was rough.

Rain came down in buckets, and the bus had been spilling over, forcing you to run to catch the train. Unfortunately, that had run early and left you scrambling into work late. When you finally sat down behind your desk, wet, too hot from rushing and with half of your hair stuck to your head from where the hood of your jacket had slipped back, you noticed the pile of envelopes in the basket next to the computer screen. You suppressed a sigh and started to get them into order.

As soon as a bright neon yellow umbrella began to wedge itself into the lobby, you rose.

"Morning, ________!" Nac chirped, a little too cheerful for his state to be believable. The umbrella was turned upside down, and Nac’s suit jacket was soaked from shoulders to the middle of his waist.

"Good morning to you, too, Nac." You waited by the desk, the envelopes clasped in your fingers. Your irritated gaze caught on the trail of wetness he left behind him as he crossed the hall. When he attempted to shake out his umbrella behind the desk you couldn't contain yourself any longer.

"Nac? Could you, by any chance, not?" He looked up with a bewildered stare and lowered the accessory. "C'mon man, have some common sense."

You gesticulated in the direction of the bathrooms and pointedly looked at his dripping accessory, until he finally understood.

"I'll make the post run, you keep an eye on front desk, alright!"

Without waiting for his answer you stepped into the elevator, dreading the wrath of everyone who had counted on their letters being delivered in time already.

 

To your mild surprise, their snarky remarks rolled off you like droplets from a waterproof jacket. There was a small sphere of light and warmth nestled right around your heart, and it had been there since Erwin had left, a consistent, comfortable, soothing feeling.

There was a word in your mind, a very specific one, one that might describe how you felt, but you weren’t ready to think too long about it. Not yet.

 

You stood in front of the elevator, the last few envelopes containing single sheets of paper with small black letters printed on them, and checked the addresses again. Mumbling to yourself you picked one of the envelopes out, mentally chiding whoever had written this down, because Mina had changed desks forever ago and why was someone still addressing stuff to her old one? You were about to turn around and head back down to where you knew a friend of Mina’s was, were going to ask her to bring it to her later. The elevator dinged and you got distracted.

The silver doors in front of you opened and absent mindedly you looked up.

Watery blue eyes stared back out of a thin, pale face framed with loose, blonde hair.

Recognition made you open your mouth, a thousand words wanting to pour out at once as almost as many feelings welled up inside you simultaneously. “Good morning. Is that mail for Mina? I can take it for you, I’ve been meaning to see her.”

Annie sounded more worn out than she looked, and plucked the envelope from your fingers. Her nails were chewn off, the knuckles of her hands red and looking bruised. It was the first time you had seen her this close in weeks.

“Thank you.” She studied the envelope shortly, before her eyes flickered up and she outstretched a hand to briefly touch yours in thanks. Your eyes couldn’t rise from the spot her fingers had come in contact with, and it took you way too long to notice the small slip of paper she had somehow managed to leave in your half-closed fist, and by the time you did, she had already shuffled past you, down a different corridor. Not the direction Mina’s new desk was at.

 

Between upset people calling the front desk, Nac attempting to mop the floor, slipping and falling in the process, several reschedulings and errors in personal timetables, there was no unobserved moment to read what Annie had passed you. Only when the buzz died down around twelve did you manage to wedge in a toilet break that was longer than a minute and, sitting on the toilet seat, unfolded the note.

Ever since she had called you that one night you hadn’t had any contact with her. She hadn’t come down to pick you up for lunch, you hadn’t gone up to her, and whenever you had seen each other on one of the other floors, it had been from too far away to come over and say hello.

> Lunch at one? Don’t come up to IT anymore. Meet u @ the waterside

You lowered the paper. To say you were disappointed by its contents wouldn’t be true - but understandably, you weren’t thrilled either. But the worry about your friend weighted heavier than the mixed feelings her note had given you, and you felt guilty for not doing anything, forgetting about her with Erwin’s company. The last hour until you clocked out for your break seemed to crawl by, and you were aware you left early but couldn’t sit still any longer.

Even though you had plenty of time to spare once you exited the building, a traffic jam and a brawl in the middle of the street blocked your usual way to the waterside. After taking a lengthy trip down a few blocks to evade the attracted crowd you finally rounded a corner and the back of the food trucks came into sight. The downpour from the morning had eased into a drizzle, enough that you were able to borrow Nac’s umbrella and leave your still soaked raincoat to dry. Nervosity made your hands shake and a glum feeling clawing at your insides; not knowing what was awaiting you made you uneasy.

Would Annie be mad you hadn’t reached out to her more than once? Would an explanation do any good? You twirled the knob of the umbrella and spun the thing, making droplets of water spray around you.

 

Her hair, kept together at the nape of her neck, was brittle and dull. Instead of tapping her shoulder or making your presence known to her otherwise you walked around her until you were in her field of vision, and at last she turned her head. “Hey.”

Here, under the sky still heavy with rainclouds, in her baggy clothes and with that hollow look in her eyes, she seemed even smaller than usual. But there also was an edge in the way she moved, how she held herself, and it reminded you it’d take a lot more to bring her down and keep her there for good. And yet you weren’t sure how much more she’d attempt to take.

“Hey.” You answered, crossing your arms uncomfortably over your chest. “What’s up.”

Her eyes stared at you for a moment, unblinking. Then her lips twitched, and she cast her eyes down, as if she’d just thought of a joke that she wasn’t going to tell, because you wouldn’t get it anyway.

“What?” You asked, a bit hurt by her action. “What are you not telling me?”

The words left your mouth and instantly you regretted them. There was an awful lot Annie wasn’t telling you, and you felt like you could have taken a jab at a painful topic, and worry was collecting behind your temples.

“I was expecting you to hug me first thing or something. Guess I don’t know you that good after all.”

It left you baffled. Grasping for words didn’t render any usable results, and simply staring at her didn’t do anything either, so instead you stepped closer and hugged your arms around her. You felt her hands twisting into the fabric of your top, felt her smaller arms by your sides, how she nestled her head into your shoulder. There was a moment in which you both paused and quietly took in the moment. Then she began to squirm, and you let go immediately. She worried her eyebrows and you looked away, giving her a moment to collect herself.

Before she could phrase anything into a full fledged sentence, you went ahead and spoke the first thing that came to your mind, off a long list of quickly phrased out things you had thought about after getting her note and before, whenever you had caught sight of her in the hallways.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you after you called me that night. I’m sorry I was such a bad friend and had nothing but some guy in my head. I’m sorry, and I want to make it up to you, but I don’t know how.”

Annie’s lips thinned into a line, but she didn’t seem cold. “Let’s get lunch first.”

 

Had the minutes been stretching before were they now fleeting through your fingers like dry sand. After seperating from the usual crowd around the benches and occupying your usual spot by the artificial ponds, Annie’s mouth started running and hardly paused until you had to get up and back. Occasionally you’d remind her to eat her food and she’d begrudgingly’d take a fork full, but most of the time you sat in silence and listened to her.

Annie told you about seeing people on her street, suspicious looking folk surrounding her apartment and how the plumber had looked at her strange after installing a new pipe under her sink after the old one wouldn’t stop leaking. She told of the uneasy feeling always following her, never lessening, and how even her roommate had picked up on it. She told you how she wasn’t sure if she could trust her, how she locked her door at night and slept for two hours continuously at best, always scared to wake and find the shadows closing in on her. How she’d contacted the police and law enforcement, but had to provide proof of what she had come across within the company - something she continued to refuse to talk about. You didn’t press her on anything, didn’t ask questions, just listened, and she continued to talk about the struggle of coming to work and not look suspicious while she felt like she could trust less people each day.

“Even now, I can’t- I can’t relax. I don’t know if someone is tailing us, and I don’t know if I just made everything worse in pulling you into this. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you.” She stared down at her lap, and began to shovel food into her to bridge the sudden silence.

You placed your empty cardboard box down and scooted closer to her, hugging your arms around her thin shoulders. She had lost weight, and it only added to your growing concern for her well-being. Annie placed her own food aside in order to not get it all over you and her, and softly sniffed.

“I’m so worried about you.” You whispered into her hair, feeling a sick twist in your stomach at all the possibilities how this could go wrong. “Please tell me how I can help.”

She opened her mouth, didn’t get a word out and closed it again. In a split moment she looked helpless. “I don’t know yet. Maybe just… lay low. Don’t visit me at IT. Don’t acknowledge my existence at work.”

“Ann..”

She shook her head and picked her box up again.

A look at your watch made you furrow your brows. “We have to get back soon. Why don’t you come by next week on Tuesday? Farlan and me will be making Pizza, and maybe Erwin will have time, too, and we can all hang out. It’s been forever since we did something together.”

For a moment she looked like she might refuse, which you would have understood. But then she closed her eyes, and when she reopened them they held some of their old shine.

“I- Yes. Maybe that’d be good.” And then, after a short pause: “I’d love that.”

You smiled at her, unashamed and wide, paying no attention to the state of the weather, anyone surrounding you.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Annie rolled her eyes and looked the other way, but you caught her glancing back at you. It only made you smile wider, and her lips bend into a small smile of their own.

“It’s gonna be great, just you wait.”

“Whatever.” She grumbled, but her steps seemed a bit lighter when she sped up to round the corner back to the Office Tower first and the towards the elevators.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally got to curve the story in the direction i wanted to write it into for a really long time (still a good couple of chapters before you'll read what I'm writing rn) but oof...  
> it's been a long time.
> 
> also, why finish one project when you can start two others in the meantime, right???


	18. Chapter 18

The doorbell rang out loudly, over the music and Farlan’s equally loud, and sadly, off tune, singing. There was flour on your cheek from where he had touched it after reaching into the white powder, and you did your best to wipe it off before answering the ringer.

“Hello?” You asked into the old comm. To your surprise, the voice that answered wasn’t the deep tone of Erwin.

“Hey. It’s me.”

Moments later Annie rounded the last flight of stairs and awkwardly waved at you standing in the door, waiting. There was no time wasted as you stepped out on the stairs and hugged your arms around her, and here, away from people who could see, who could spy, it lasted. She let herself be hugged longer, too, and you savoured the moment.

“Girlies, this Pizza isn’t going to bake itself.” Farlan’s voice drifted over from where he’d stuck his head out of the kitchen to grin at you, and he came out wiping his hands on his apron. “How you doin’ sweetie? It’s been ages since I’ve seen you!”

He swatted you away from your friend and bend down to hook an arm around her small frame before staring at her shirt. “Oh my god, is that a Jisoo on your shirt?”

There was a light blush dusting Annie’s cheek, and she smoothed the front of her shirt down and frowned at the flour that the blond had left on it.

“Yeah! Did you hear their new songs? I really like this album.”

The group of you returned to the kitchen and you smiled to yourself while listening to the two rambling about their favourite K-pop bands, the latest gossip and sub units. Farlan had a talent to always find something he could keep talking on and on about, with everyone he met, and more than once you had asked yourself how he did it. Maybe it was just his eye for detail, maybe it was just who he was, but it was amazing to witness Annie opening up to him the way she did.

She sat up on the counter and stole bits of the vegetables you were cutting into small pieces to put on the dough later while Farlan continued to knead and roll and flour the dough on the kitchen table. Both of them chatted away and you felt yourself zoning out. It was lovely to hear your friends getting along so well, but they were also talking about something you couldn’t really take part in, so you just kind of kept silent.

It couldn’t have been that much later, since Farlan still wasn’t done with his business on the table, when the doorbell rang again. With your hands holding a knife in one and an onion in the other, you pulled a face at you flatmate and he gave you a chiding look before getting up.

“Shoo, not even answering the door for your alpha, tch.” He smeared some flour on your and Annie’s noses before swishing around the corner to get the buzzer. You blinked up at the smaller blonde still sitting next to you, squinting your eyes against the stinging that the onions invoked. Several tears fell from your lashes, and you attempted to wipe them with the sleeve of your shirt.

“Fa’s making me cry, isn’t he just the sweetest.”

Annie giggled and snuck another piece of the paprika.

“Who’s the sweetest? I hope you meant me.” Erwin’s voice filled the kitchen, and a smile sprung on your face.

“Yes, you are.” You turned around and pointed the knife, decorated with bits of onions, at the third blond. He was a lot more closer than anticipated and hastily took a step back to avoid the blade. His hand reached out and covered yours, careful in guiding the pointy end away from him. He didn’t let go once the danger was over, though, and instead came up behind you to press a kiss to your cheek.

“Gross.” Annie commented, having taken hold of the bowl with paprika bits and dramatically throwing one after the other into her mouth, while her watery gaze took in the scene next to her. There was a glint in her eyes and you huffed at her, but Erwin in your back had stiffened up already.

“Hi, sorry. I don’t think we’ve met yet. I’m Erwin.” His voice had lost nothing of its warmth and friendliness and still sounded more formal. You noticed he held out a hand to Annie, and the small blonde eyed it suspiciously for a few moments before tentatively taking - and shaking it.

“Annie.” She introduced herself. “Pleased to meet you.”

"So, how far are you guys? Ready to eat?” Erwin rubbed his hands together and looked around.

“Boy, learn some patience.” Farlan pointed at the taller male, but was grinning. “Here! Wash your paws and gimme a hand with the dough, won’t you?”

You noticed Erwin looked a bit longer at Farlan than the average person - and you weren’t sure if it was because Farlan was his usual extravagant self, or because the alpha had just given him an order. In the next moment he turned to the sink and did as he was told, after rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. When you peeled your eyes away from the scenes of the two alphas standing side by side at the table, and how Farlan explained with gestures what exactly Erwin had to do, and how Erwin listened with his head tilted and hands linked behind his back before enthusiastically getting to work, you noticed that Annie was staring as well. She met your gaze after a moment and gave you another one of her small smiles.

With the four of you it took no time until the dough was comfortably resting next to the heating, a clean dishtowel draped over its bowl, and everyone more or less flour-less squeezed on the couch. Annie had taken Farlan’s phone and connected it to the TV, blasting K-pop songs for the last half an hour, and even though Erwin had had no idea of its existence before he was eager to listen to both smaller blondes explaining the concept to him. It was funny to see him so attentive, so curious.

You had noticed it when he had first answered to Farlan in the kitchen, and you could see it again every time the smaller blond caught Erwin’s eyes and he studied the other alpha for a moment. He had wordlessly given in to Farlan’s position in this flat, hadn’t questioned his authority in the slightest bit and submitted himself as soon as he could - and he continued to do so, whenever Farlan stared too long, whenever Annie began to fidget. He angled his body slightly away from them, he dipped his head; he did everything he could to appear less threatening, to not be perceived as a danger, and it warmed your heart to witness it.

Annie and Farlan were halfway through explaining NCT when Erwin absentmindedly ran his fingers down your arm and linked his pinkie into yours. A heartbeat later you twisted your hand so it could fit into his, and Farlan’s voice trailed off.

“You guys are so saccharine, do you know that.” He stated, Annie on the armrest next to him nodding her approval. You leaned forward to get a better view of the others and to not have Erwin blocking the line of sight.

“Tooth-achingly sweet.”

Farlan stuck his tongue out but grinned.

“How about we watch something while we wait for the dough?” Annie changed the topic, pulling up Netflix on Farlan’s phone that had not left her hands since she had first taken hold of it. The blond was usually a bit guarded concerning the precious piece of plastic and metal, but seemed fine with her handling it.

“Do you guys know Queer Eye?”

Farlan’s head whipped around faster than you could have blinked.

“You watch Queer Eye?!” He sounded absolutely thrilled.

Erwin, apparently not prepared to be met with such enthusiasm, shrunk back a bit. “It got recommended to me but I haven’t gotten the chance to try it out yet. If you don’t mind, we could watch the first episode, maybe?”

Farlan placed a hand on Erwin’s knee, and with tears in his eyes, said “ _Yes_.”

 

* * *

 

 

After a while Farlan got up to roll out the dough, and you others slowly trailed into the kitchen after him to each decorate your piece. It was enough to make two baking plates, so each one got half a plate to themselves. Erwin eyed Annie’s piece with pursed lips.

“I like to make my collegues suffer.” She informed him, while throwing another handful of garlic on her piece without blinking.

“I respect your decision.” He commented dryly, and turned back to rummage through the fridge until he dug up the bottle of sriracha you had mentioned to him. He proceeded to dump half its contents on his piece, which left Farlan in awe.

“Dude, how do you-?”

“It doesn’t look like you two use it a lot and I figured better not waste perfectly good stuff, right?” He stuck his index finger into his mouth and licked off some splashes that had escaped their doomed end on the dough. “And also a strong stomach.”

He emphasized his words by rubbing over the area on his belly, before freezing in his action. “I, I mean,” He stuttered, and your eyebrows rose in question at the sudden change of mood. “By sheer _manliness_ , of course!”

Annie chuckled and Farlan threw his head back laughing, and after Erwin’s searching eyes had connected with yours you couldn’t hold back your own laugh anymore. He beamed from ear to ear.

 

* * *

 

 

“This was the best pizza I’ve had in years.”

“U-huh.”

“I agree.” You mumbled your approval before yawning wide. Everyone was stuffed to bursting, and yet there were stray pieces scattered on the coffee table.

Erwin had mostly stolen slices from you, as it had turned out that the hot sauce had been a bit _too_ hot for him. He had swallowed through the pain for one and a half slices, under the increasingly watchful eyes of Farlan and you, before caving in and admitting he couldn’t do it. Annie had wordlessly leaned over the back of the couch and handed him a jug with milk, and her stoic expression had everyone chuckling, even Erwin after he’d taken a few deep gulps.

“How did you know I would…?”

“I had a feeling.” She shrugged, before studying her fingernails. “Besides, I was the one who gifted ______ that bottle, and it’s filled with sauce that’s approximately five times as spicy as the one printed on the label.”

“Wait, that was you?! And I kept wondering!” Farlan had exclaimed, exasperatedly waving a piece of his pizza at the small blonde. Annie had just shrugged again, with a sly little smirk on her face.

 

The mood had grown drowsy and tired now, and everyone was too exhausted to move much. Farlan had thrown his legs over Erwin’s lap and poked your thighs with his toes. In return, you tickled the underside of his feet, until he pulled an accusing frown. Annie had grown more quiet towards the end of the meal, and now she was sitting between your legs on the ground, back leaned back against the couch, your other hand that wasn’t stained by Farlan’s foot softly running over her scalp.

Eventually she stirred, and you straightened up.

There was an air of departure around her, and the others seemed to pick it up as well.

“You heading out Annie-ann?” Farlan stretched his arms over his back and blinked at her. She only nodded. Without saying anything she turned to you, her fingers gripping each other, and quietly you stood up after picking up and folding Farlan’s legs away from you. “Was so lovely to see you again, Annie! Come by the shop and say Hi soon, yeah?”

Farlan pointed a finger at her, one of his endearing hopeful looks on his face. Annie nodded and proceeded to shuffle out into the hallway, followed by you. After slipping back into her converse and shrugging into her dark parka, she turned back to you.

“Thanks for the evening.”

“Any time.” You gave her a reassuring smile, and she lowered her eyes to the ground. She unlocked the door by herself and took a step out into the staircase.

“See you at work, I guess.”

And suddenly the other Annie was back, the quiet, careful, silent one that walked in the shadows along the walls and did everything she could to not stand out. It broke your heart that she still deemed it necessary to put on this facade, even after hours of unburdened time spend in yours, Farlan’s and Erwin’s company.

“If you ever want to come by, don’t hesitate, okay? I know Farlan loves you.”

She kept on studying her shoes but you had seen the tiniest smile. “Alright.”

You stepped forward and closed your arms around her, and even though she hadn’t initiated it she responded well to the contact.

“Thanks.” She whispered into your shoulder, and as an answer you briefly tightened your hold on her.

“Thanks for coming by.”

She nodded and disentangled herself from you before yelling out a goodbye to the males in the living room and waving one last time at you. Then she turned and hopped down the stairs, and you softly closed the door behind yourself.

Erwin made attempts to leave soon after, but lingered in front of the door.

“Thanks for introducing me to your friends.” He chuckled good heartedly and you had to turn around to see why. You barely caught the tail of a black cardigan swishing the corner to the living room and rolled your eyes.

“What did he do?” You asked then, and Erwin rubbed the back of his neck, still smiling.

“He made those little hearts with thumb and forefinger the k-pop idols make, at me.”

You grinned to yourself and crossed your arms, leaning against the door frame. “Sounds like him. You’re welcome by the way. Thanks for not being a dick to Annie and Fa.”

“I’d never. You should come over to my place sometime, we can…” He briefly broke off, apparently searching for a social activity that was not making pizza. “-play The Game of Life or something! My friend has a very interesting version of it they’ve been meaning to make me sit through, if you come along I don’t have to endure it alone.”

You laughed at the prospect. “Sounds great.”

He leaned down to hug you, and you rested your head on his shoulder. “Take care. Get home well.”

He nodded, and cupped one of your cheeks into his palm. His blue eyes looked down into yours for a moment, and even though there were no words spoken, you smiled. He pressed a kiss to your forehead before winking at something behind your back and turned away laughing when you twisted your head and shot a growl back to where a strand of blond hair peeked out from behind the door frame to the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

 

On his way home Erwin realized you had never visited the place he lived in, now.

The night’s air was cool on his skin and the breeze that rushed down the street snuck under his jacket and bit his back. Fall was fast approaching by now, the leaves on the trees lining the streets yellowing and in some cases already reddening. The better part of his ride on public transport he spent daydreaming about what it’d be like, to open the door to his apartment for you, show you the rooms he was still slowly stretching himself out in. The balcony, overlooking the street below. He also wondered what you’d say to his bed, that he still hadn’t upgraded from the stuff Eren had given him.

To be fair, the palettes had grown on him, and he’d found them useful for storing books and various other flat boxes containing wires, chargers and the like in.

The stairs up to his door somehow flew by him and he found himself standing before his door all too soon. The alpha allowed himself to rest his head against it for a moment before turning the key in the lock and opening the flat, white door into the darkness of his rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic has become ridiculously self indulgent and i'm SORRY but.  
> i love erwin.  
> what a man.  
> also, i love your comments. i _love_ them. keep em coming ♥
> 
> also, i wrote this chapter as i was beginning to get into kpop and it's just funny to revisit it now...all those months later... :D


End file.
